a simple life complicated

goodbye

2008-04-15T22:44:00.001+08:00

on my 499th post.

byebye blogger.

byebye tagboard.

byebye pretty layout.

byebye soothing music.

welcome to the new generation of hipness. just thoughts.

http://shoutyourlove.wordpress.com

this place, i once loved. (:

let's go randomly from here

2008-04-13T08:49:00.002+08:00

i give thanks to the okay life now, plus the occasionally exciting moments that come along the way (:

and i think i have a cute cg. =D and im sure the ntu seniors will be super awed at how we pack the exam kits ns-style. and not to mention the talking-nonsense session at long john over dinner.

and i woke up with a red eye today ):

sometimes i wonder whether i am throwing away important things just because i say i dont like to fight.

some photos and some talk

2008-04-12T08:38:00.003+08:00

some overdue photos, the first one koped from tracee's place. =p

let's catch the ahfoo's syndrome. (:

the people at workk (:

rawr. and my art of procrastination rocks big time, really hoping to get my butt off the chair and start making the strawberry marshmallow cake.

oh yeah, it's saturday again, and that gave me a reason to smile.

somewhere along the way, some people stop smiling. i think i kind of understand why, but its hard to change their minds if they are bent on doing so. it's a tough road to overcome.

nineteen.

2008-04-09T23:20:00.002+08:00

i laughed aloud today reading this:

"we all know someone very special out there shares the same birthday as you (winkwink) which makes today even more joyful eh?"

ps. it's an inside joke. haha. (:

thankfully, i still use one BIG candle and 9 small ones. sometimes i really think i dont want to grow up so soon. it's always still good being a teenager. though today may be a rather quiet day, but good things dont have to be elaborate i suppose. it's always in the simple things that you actually see the sincere thoughts put into it.

i've received many phone calls and smses, every one of them brought a smile onto my face. and i really wish while your birthday wishes are sent, you are fine and great on the other end. (: and dad actually added a happy birthday plus a smiley face into his usual 4-word long sms when he came pick me up at work. haha he rocks man, bonus points for that smiley he smsed.

and i was really pleasantly surprised for that surprise cake at work today. i really didnt expect that considering i've been there for only 6 days. (:

and like many put it, the one who matters the most is, i still know He loves me. and thats enough because if you know me, i'm definitely not an easy person to love.

so double smiles ((: im nineteen.

pre birthday

2008-04-08T21:56:00.002+08:00

oh yeah in less than 2 hours' time, it will be a special day. but seriously, i think it's just going to be a normal day, just that you get more blessings from others than usual.

which leads me to think, why do we only give blessings to someone on his or her birthday? why not make everything a blessing day haha, well make them pleasant surprises, wont it be better? well then again, i guess im just being plain random as usual. wells.

and with randomness acting up, i have two ridiculous birthday wishes which cant come true anyway.

one, i wish there's no smokers around. really, it's just a dumb way to kill yourself, and what if you dont die, and people around you end up living shorter. how selfish.

two, i wish motorcyclists wont screech when they ride on their bikes, especially on a quiet night with an empty road. it's kind of disturbing.

oh yeah eighteen, going onto nineteen.

s.o.s

2008-04-05T23:06:00.002+08:00

im fighting the war of love.

it hurts, but i dont really want to stop.

but i definitely need the strength to continue.

[1 corinthians 13:4-7]

in the name of work

2008-04-04T21:40:00.002+08:00

i give thanks to God for my current job (: if He has not made the previous one unstable, i probably wont even consider my current one, and i would have missed out on all those excitement that im enjoying now.

and when i followed justin around to meet the clients today, it sure was an eye-opener. those passion for entrepreneurship that keeps these guys going, and the guts to dream big and try to make it possible. hmm it's a little like the story of David and Goliath i thought. and i give thanks to such a leader at work who shares his experiences so readily. (:

maybe it will be harder to fund expenses with this job, but it sure can fund my hunger to lead a fulfiling and interesting life. haha.

and if you read this, happy birthday tracee (: -beams-

indispensable

2008-04-03T22:15:00.002+08:00

钢琴上黑键之间，
永远都夹着空白，
缺了一块，就不精彩

4 things to blog about

2008-04-02T19:39:00.002+08:00

the 4 things to update about:

met up with my new tertiary cg last night for a dinner, and i would say it's a rather interesting mix of people. would be too early to say anything about now, but i sure look forward to spending more time with those people. (:

and yesterday was my last day at recruit express being a temp payroll officer, last day of 'official' work before i go university i believe. i wont say people there are really friendly, but at least those few i worked closer with are a little better than the rest. and shawn, ck and kas even treated me for a lunch, as courtesy i suppose, but its still kind of them. so it's like a preview of what work might be for me in the future.

today i started my first day as an intern with point-star which is a very young company doing some online and designing stuff. things there seem fun and exciting, and i can foresee myself getting rid of the label of being a technology noob as i learn. a good mix of friendliness, casualness and the drive to get things done, all in the orange container garag3 in NUS. 38 emails in a day is legendary for me, and the record wont be kept for long i guess. but at least, the first day was really enjoyable (: and im thankful for that.

however im really not proud of the fact that im falling sick. ):

end of a chapter

2008-03-31T08:23:00.004+08:00

new day of the week. new month soon.

i have no work today, and my job status is back to pending. (as uneasy as i may feel about this whole thing)

from this week onwards, no more yhope. no more ce2, jcca3'07, jcca3'08, jcca4.

this 1 year 3 months - life changing. yes, i will expect more life-changing moments in the future, but well the firsts will always have a special place in me. if i have no more space in my heart, i'll make sure i expand it.

i'll take good care of myself because i want to see you guys at the end of the race. i hope you do too.

blurred footprints on the sand

2008-03-29T23:52:00.003+08:00

on certain days, you just wish you have a clone, because choices are hard to make. but reality is we can never enjoy the best of both worlds, it's either this or that, no option called 'all' is given. how to decide? if something needs to be measured, what kind of ruler ought to be used? and after coping with ourselves, how to cope with others?

change is the only constant. physically, emotionally, spiritually. things around us change. people around us either stay or leave, and those who stay may not be the same individuals as we knew them some time ago. both pastor shirley and raphael made a lot of sense today. im someone who clings onto the past, and im someone who fears the uneasiness of change. but here, i promise myself i'll try my best. afterall, i dont really want to screw up my life again, im definitely not capable enough to steer myself into a path towards a great future with my own strength.

and a side note, i think i'll miss kityeng. ):

ps. i dont like what i felt when i reached home today. i think someone should invent an emotional heater.

what stays on the list

2008-03-27T23:36:00.004+08:00

so i had my first real cg, if you get what i mean (: too bad i was really tired, blame that on staying up late last night to read that extra chapter of detective conan. my bad.

but it turned out to be my last cg with the grads group, and i would really say though my time spent with this group is extremely short, my two weeks were enjoyable thanks to you guys. last service at youth on saturday, and then it's a brand new start all over again. silly but fun photos taken today, soon to be koped.

and today on my way home, i suddenly thought i need more time with family. it's very weird to have such thoughts, if you actually know me. i remember the days when i dont like going home, i procrastinate when i need to, going home seemed like an obligation to me. but well, it just feels different nowadays. i cant pinpoint why, but it just appears that there's a need for me to be at home, to help around and stuff.

art of time management, where are you?

and now the bolster has caught my eye, sleep takes priority! before i become a walking zombie tmr in the office, doing zombifying work.

changes

2008-03-26T23:29:00.002+08:00

so the great mission was somewhat accomplished. at least i did what i could and it didnt turn out too bad. no screaming, no throwing of stuff around, and there's calm discussion. (:

and it's really the year of change, i was told that im changing my future caregroup just now. all the changes since the start of the year, probably to mould my stubborn self of being resistant to change. it's getting better, but i would say im not liquid. i dont take the shape of the container immediately.

definitely thicker than malt candy, i feel.

but in the end, things will just fall into place, no matter how much we think about it.

experience said so.

groans

2008-03-25T22:29:00.004+08:00

so it was not today. the great mission is not to be accomplished today. ):

and come to think of it, i've been bracing myself up for it, and i actually lost to someone's lethargy. rawr.

let it be tomorrow please.

(ps. work was hell today. i actually had to work compulsory OT.)

but..

4 smses from 4 different people made my day. yay. (:

randomised thoughts

2008-03-22T21:35:00.002+08:00

updating my music media player cheers me up, especially when i find the right songs (: and listening to those songs that are collecting dust becomes a refreshing experience.

i think it's interesting to see how the kind of music we like changes.

songs that i used to clock a playcount of 100 plus, i cant even bear to listen to a repeat of it.

nothing is ever constant, eh?

anyway here's a cute convo i heard today over dinner, roughly as follow:

zelanie: you have a pair of eyes, why do you need three pairs of shade?
ben: you have only one body, why do you need so many clothes?
zelanie: that's because the body sweats, and your eyes dont.

haha. =p

love and Love

2008-03-21T21:10:00.003+08:00

the one word that pushed us high up and bled us dry. love.

the one word that can lift us up and keep us praising. Love.

one same word, but yet such stark contrast.

][

eunice needs a lot of courage for an important mission next week.

ticket to blockbuster

2008-03-19T20:51:00.003+08:00

when i was on my way home from work, i took a quick glance around me. almost every work attire-clad adult were sleeping. work is tiring, yes i agree, you gotta be focused all day long, the environment doesnt really allow you to drift off unlike school, and you worry about making mistakes and being judged. but could it be that human interactions were the exact culprits?

relationships in the workplace are weird i would say. so many people around, maybe a few are friends, but you just have to maintain the friendliness with everyone to avoid being labelled as the anti-sociable. that 9-5 acting, who wont be tired out by it? happy plastic people, we are trained to be.

we have our own stages. and we put up our own performances every day, we know our lines by heart, we even know which mask or makeup to wear in every event. but guess what, when i get sick of it, im glad i have an audience who always buy tickets to watch the bare stage.

thank You for being so willing to. (:

but why is your box office closed?

a song to make the day bright

2008-03-18T19:32:00.005+08:00

She told him she’d rather fix her makeup
Than try to fix what’s going on
But the problem keeps on calling
Even with the cellphone gone
She told him that she believes in living
Bigger than she’s living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
And upsidedown
Don’t say so long in the cellphone
Don’t spend today away
Cuz today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is
Gone, just trying to prove me wrong
And pretend like your immortal

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity)
Where your treasure, where’s your hope
Forget the world and lose your soul
She pretends like she pretends like she’s immortal
Don’t say so long
Your not that far gone
This could be your big chance to makeup
Today till soon be

Gone, like yeterday is gone,
Like history is gone,
The world keeps spinning on,
Your going going gone,
Like summer break is gone,
Like saturday is gone
Just trying to prove me wrong
You pretend like your immortal your immortal

We are not infinite
We are not permanate
Nothing is immediate
We’re so confident
In our accomplishments
Look at how dark it is

Gone, like frank sinatra
Like elvis and his mom
Like al pichino’s cash nothing lasts in this life
My highschool dreams are gone
My childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn’t last for long

Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And oh the town fills
Life more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings
And up in wills we got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our conveinent lexus cages

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow
Brings us closer to the God who’s not short of cash
Hey bono I’m glad you asked
Life is still worth living, life is still worth living

-gone; switchfoot

(:

it put a smile on my face when i listened this on my way home from work today. work was tough today, but let's keep going strong.

a very blur pic, but i kinda miss them ah.

RECYCLE ME

2008-03-16T21:25:00.002+08:00

i'm going to do my part in saving the earth.

but i shall be realistic, because it isnt that easy when i use the pc everyday. so i shall embark of the project of recycling (:

yay.

2008-03-15T22:42:00.003+08:00

today, the murky road cleared up a bit. (: and so did the weather, until it rained again at night. sometimes i think the rain is making people feel depressed, especially when you are caught in it, away from home, away from the nice comfy bed to snuggle in.

went for nus open house today and i think the route i should take is clearer now. perhaps i will not care what the rest say, because afterall it's my own education, and i want to choose something that i can be comfortable in. and maybe the answer you gave me in my head was right afterall. give me wisdom please, lots of it.

and service today at nexus was great for me. and thats enough said. (:

oh ya guess i didnt get through the interview for performance motors, so i suppose i have to be more active in searching for another job assignment then. im spending way faster than i thought i would be. ): blame the ill discipline creeping in once in a while. rawr.

sneeze.

puppet in your hand

2008-03-14T21:48:00.002+08:00

unless a fullstop comes, the sentence will never end. commas are not counted. unless there's a convincing solution to a problem that bugs me, my heart cant be at total rest. sometimes i really dont understand why i get so uptight about university applications, maybe because the future looks daunting.

maybe my level of trust is not quite there yet. which are the doors open, which are the ones shut? i need an indication, and a heart to follow.

and im a little disturbed to know that after so long, im still affected by what she said. when can you stop affecting me so much till it hurts sometimes. rawr.

i need a refuge behind the doors.

Few people can afford a mansion, but everyone who knows the Lord can find refuge and peace in His abiding presence. — David C. McCasland

app blues

2008-03-13T21:12:00.003+08:00

im troubled by university applications.

never would i have thought that i have to consider so many factors when i choose a course in a university.

school programmes vs course programmes vs prestige vs many other factors.

would it be weird if i were to choose nus biz over ntu and smu. and to top it all, im not that keen to do finance actually.

shouldnt one do well in any school as long as he or she works hard in what she've learnt? and what about workforce employment?

urgh. i hate this totally.

sleep, brain.

2008-03-12T20:20:00.003+08:00

it's been a mad rush even though it's been less than twenty-four hours. and now the brain is screaming to be given a rest.

cg sleepover was enjoyable (: this group of people, both familiar and the not-so familiar ones are all so welcoming and fun. thanks to tracee's wonderful hospitality, for letting us create havoc in her place plus all those provisions of super comfy cushions big and small. (: the attempt at playing guitar heroes, getting awed by acb's and zelanie's pro-ness, the lame comments flying around, the movie marathon plus losing in the fight with mr sleep, and the interesting game of taboo in chinese!

after sleepover, was another crazy journey to alexandra for a job interview. getting yourself stuck in the huge rain in office attire, armed with a windbreaker plus a fragile umbrella, with a flooded pathway over your footwear, and flagging a freaky taxi to no avail. no joke, seriously. thank goodness it didnt go badly, and i wont mind having that job.

ps. anchorpoint's g2000 sells old-season stocks at cheap prices, $10+ to $20. super worth it, since working attire cant vary too much between seasons.

(:

on the different side of the moon

2008-03-10T23:41:00.002+08:00

went for the job of being a temp payroll officer today, and guess what they told me i dont have to come back for the rest of the week because they had nothing for me to do. and i was told to come only next week. wow. so that kind of leaves some space for the activity-packed week.

but i guess working keeps me occupied, and really my freedom feels less restricted. at least its not confined within the four (or many) walls of the flat unit. (: and it makes me less guilty when i spend, you dont literally have to count every cent to make sure you actually save. because i would really like to save for a rainy day, you never know how things will turn out next time.

and argh, i STILL have the okonomiyaki craving, if anyone actually remembers, i just cant seem to see it anywhere convenient. pfft. and i will be the big idiot to squander my money away on food.

rawr.

i see the same side of the moon
that we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
and know that time and space can't come between me and you

about silence

2008-03-10T00:12:00.002+08:00

it was a starry night when i walked home from the bus stop just now. nowadays its rather seldom you'll see at least 6 or 7 stars when you look up, so i guess i got lucky.

i did mention before, i love night walks (when they are safe). and some things came into my mind, as usual.

i know i've said this before, that at the end of noise and fun, i believe is silence. the time when the heart has quietened down as though it needed a rest or a nap. i dont know about others but for me, sometimes this silence brings emptiness.

no with this, im not talking about having that God-shaped hole in my heart or whatsoever, because i understand that we are imperfect people who cant be there for another person 24/7. but sometimes i just question the kind of company we enjoyed before the craze faded off.

to me, there are two kinds of silence. one, the type that overwhelmes when the noise is absent. we accompanny each other for the noise for the fun, and when all these die doown, the awkward silence sets in because we no longer know what to do with each other. every sound we try to squeak out seems wrong, the harder we try, the worse it seems. so tough to break this silence. two, the kind of silence that actually feels comfortable, we can be just next to each other, stoning or whatever, but we know deep down that nothing beats this silence. there's absolutely no need to break this silence, because it's no barrier. the understanding does not end together with the noise, or what we call fun.

but well, for everything i just have to remind mmyself the kind of world i still live in. a cow still cannot sing even if i want it to. there's still work tomorrow morning, and sleep is indeed more important than these random talks now.

good morning world.

for Your glory

2008-03-08T00:03:00.002+08:00

eunice is indeed blessed for her A levels grades. (: 4As and B for general paper, all for God really. i dont know how i can give thanks enough for this seriously, but yeah. from shitty grades for prelims, with all science subjects getting E and below, i think i've received God's grace and helped me pull through.

now that im done with A levels, i would say the whole process wasnt easy. i dont have an O level to compare with, but heard it's kind of incomparable as well. i remembered the times i was secretly discouraged because it just didnt feel comfortable when im attending remedials for everything except econs. and those times when i wanted to throw in the towel. thankfully i didnt.

and i give thanks for the people God has placed around me during that crucial period. (:

the class for being so comforting and encouraging, studying for the exams together was not painfully stressful, in fact enjoyable. cant imagine myself in another class, really. i wouldnt trade you guys for another class.

the hc caregroup for being the reliant support throughout this crazy period, for keeping God close, keeping fellowship strong, and keeping the mugging constantly going. like anywhere anytime. and i love you guys loads from the bottom of my heart.

and of course prawn and xiaohong, for those endless encouragements as well.

im just.. blessed. (:

smiles and frowns

2008-03-05T22:54:00.004+08:00

fungmin's belated birthday surprise went well today (: we are sheep with sheepish grins haha. and if you are reading this, hope you liked it, because as for me, i've enjoyed the company totally! the super mario mushroom with polka dots, the messed-up art session at taka macs, the coffee club conspiracy plus a good mudpie. yay.

ah. i wished i have photos now heh.

but never mind, its alright, because something else just made my day. it's the feeling of seeing something finally happening after when you've tried so hard and failed so many times till you thought that was going to be the end.

so that's gonna be double smiles ((:

but the thought getting back results two days later sure isnt inviting at all. maybe life two days later will be a little different, i think.

till then. here's a song by ken hirai! kimi no suki na toko =p not as energetic as the studio version but interesting nonetheless.

hauntingly good

2008-03-04T23:40:00.002+08:00

ken hirai's voice can really melt my heart. (: though he does sound like the japanese version of james blunt.

i bet i was pleasantly surprised at 1am two nights ago when i heard the live version of 'canvas' on youtube.

sometimes i really think God is cool to create people who can sing well. those priceless expressions via voices and music.

smiles and whines

2008-03-01T23:53:00.002+08:00

some people, i heart. (:

and i continue to believe that for everything that happened, there's a reason for it.

(even though my random thought gave me a hard question, what about child patients? would appreciate if there's any taker for this one.)

rawr. my thoughts have become pretty much randomised and nothing seems to flow. and the thought of teaching my toughest student tomorrow early in the morning just put me in the auto sian mode.

...

2008-02-28T21:40:00.003+08:00

i really enjoyed cg today (: even if i got into some kind of trouble because i didnt exactly explain how come i disappeared for the whole afternoon, but i think it's worth it.

suddenly, i feel even sadder that this will have to end soon. i made it a point to try to remember all those smiling faces today, every one of them. i just hope i wont tear next week or sth. bahhh.

i should stop my media player from playing something too sad now. let's kill the shuffle option. but wait, that playlist is way too sad.

and the funny thing is my brother sitting across the room is in an extremely foul mood. heh.

money woes

2008-02-25T22:02:00.003+08:00

inflation of 6.6%!

this is like seeing things we learnt in economics come alive, and my real income is falling haha.

time to tighten the belt, seriously.

rambles

2008-02-24T16:00:00.003+08:00

sunday afternoon and im bored at home seriously. rather be out there doing some painting, and do some meaningful work.

yesterday's ~~class~~ dinner (or rather group dinner) turned out surprisingly cozy despite the attendance. well well im definitely looking forward to the next class activity planned by someone else. heard its an ubin trip hmmm, would be interesting if it's the case haha.

but i suppose i was a little disappointed at myself, of that sudden bout of anger that came to me in the afternoon. getting myself so pissed off at that time, was really kind of redundant now that i think of it. but thankfully it subsided soon and very soon, otherwise i would have been kind of blinded to the little things that gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.

... like catching up with people that i havent been talking to since ages. (: it was not just one yesterday, but a rare couple of people.

photos soon once i get hold of them i guess.

and i didnt know singaporean women are so demanding until i saw the headlines for sunday times this morning. why get a guy to carry even your own handbag? this doesnt make sense at all heh.

the changing battle

2008-02-21T08:55:00.002+08:00

i was told that im transferring yesterday.

and it's rather a big shock i suppose. it's as though when i've finally caught hold on something, that something has to be taken away again. the news was unsettling, but i guess after thinking about it for one entire day, maybe it might be better in the long run. if that's for my good, might as well.

but it still feels like a joke, when new relationships have just been built and i have to leave. it's like handing in a piece of assignment, knowing well enough that i didnt finish.

this is not the year of rat, it's the year of change.

2008-02-18T23:52:00.002+08:00

こころがちょっといたい。

changes in the puzzle

2008-02-18T12:51:00.002+08:00

it's just one of those few times, i wish that time could be turned back so i would not have known something that i now know.

and sometimes ignorance does give me bliss. because the point of view is so much easier to handle. the more you know, the more responsibility you have to take up, and the more you cant stay the same way anymore.

it isnt just about a game of determination anymore.

some things change. some people change. some environments change. i change. it will be good if we change and fit in nicely into the picture, but what if it gets worse? the puzzle piece no longer fits.

this love

2008-02-14T22:00:00.003+08:00

valentine's 08 lacked the hype unlike the two years in hc. but guess what, im now more sure of that one love that i cant leave out in my life.

that Love.

always enough for me no matter what, tugging at the exact heartstrings.

(:

okonomiyaki! (:

2008-02-13T10:44:00.002+08:00

i dreamt of okonomiyaki last night...

and my craving for it now is ridiculous. urgh.

and here's a random thought from dreaming last night, what happens when the wronged becomes wrong? we can never know the clear definitions of what is wrong, cant we?

and now when people say our dreams are usually associated with our thoughts when we are wide awake, i start to wonder what exactly runs in my head. even as im typing this.

im actually thinking of where to get my hands on okonomiyaki. -.-

rants

2008-02-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

eunice is currently on an unlucky streak and her stupidity has multiplied in the course of two days. ): so a levels results please dont come now, i think i will just go crazy.

it's been a while since i worried over job and income and money to get by, and they kind of haunted me again on my way home. take it this way, its not as though i was a spendthrift in the past, but i feel much poorer now that im not in school. stable expenditure, unstable income. hmmm. and it really doesnt help when the family isnt supportive of your lifestyle.

ahhh rants rants rants.

maybe its just the thought of being semi-unemployed again.

i'll be okay soon and very soon.

2008-02-10T11:19:00.001+08:00

eunice is sick.

she overate during chinese new year.

BIG sigh.

updates

2008-02-07T22:02:00.001+08:00

first up, happy chinese new year to all (:

chinese new year has meant a different thing to me altogether now, because all those crazy companions that you have grown up with have already grown up too. the craziness will have to stop somewhere i believe. chinese new year for reunion? seems like its not exactly a very full reunion for my family, especially daddy's side. and reunion shouldnt be just reserved for chinese new years. the same concept goes for valentine's day heh.

dont make things commercialised. im guilty of this already, i've made cny an excuse to get new stuff.

but tomorrow should be an exciting day with all those familiar faces, both young and old. (:

anw, added a song from nobuta wo produce - a drama which really got me thinking. and the soundtrack got me thinking too, i wonder where i can get it from.

2008-02-02T23:27:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think i learn more when im out of school. because things we learn in school, those academic stuff, they cant be directly applied or even applied in out daily lives. how to cope with what we have and are given each day. who in the right mind uses calculus in our normal lives?

one thing i feel is that school has not taught me enough to handle relationships with people well enough. it's too sheltered an environment, the people are too similar, and it actually gave me a false impression that i know the world out there. all crap talk i think. because in school, we have the same concerns and same experiences, but everything changes since the year started. we each lead very different lifestyles, engage in different activities, it becomes harder to understand each other's plight anymore. and we have to self teach ourselves how to cope with all these changes, and i find it tough frankly.

i believe in this, for every friendship relationship, unless you let go on your own accord, i dont think i'll ever let go. i dont know whether it's feasible or not, because sometimes how things happen to work out seems rather hurtful. all the changes and the different circumstances, for every question, there is no more definite answer.

but im not going to let my constant slip out of my life. never.

2008-02-01T19:54:00.000+08:00

thanks for all the prayers, things have finally stabilised. yesterday was a scare, and it just reminded me that it's so freaking easy to just lose someone very very dear to me. the lesson of treasuring someone more always speaks to me, all the time. somehow i realised i will forget it somehow after a while. heh.

everything change, You are the only constant. just like a Daddy who's always in the room, whether i know it or not. .im still very thankful for that, because if You change too, i wonder what would happen.

tomorrow's my last day at john little expo, it's an interesting experience i would say. a chance to mingle with people from all walks of life, be it the customers or the colleagues. maybe an office environment would have been different, but i think such an environment does give me something more to learn. afterall the environment im exposed to via education can be quite selectively representative of society. this job, i enjoyed myself.

tomorrow's a saturday. (:

2008-01-31T20:21:00.001+08:00

today i realised something.

even when i've accepted you leaving my life and that i've moved on finally after ages, im still not ready for another one to leave just like that.

the thought of it is enough to make me cry.

):

not complacent

2008-01-29T19:24:00.001+08:00

yay im finally halfway through my assignment at john little expo sale (: would say all have been well so far, so far so good! i think this job has clearly given me an idea of how it feels like to be caught between your supervisor and your customers. so the only workable solution is to admit you're wrong regardless whether its true or not and apologise.

sorry is, by far, a good word to use in the retail industry. afterall customers are the kings and queens.

life feels like routine, other than the unpredicatable ot timings, but what should be done are still done thankfully. and life's a lot happier without those exasperating conflicts within the four walls, it sure does feels good to start and end a day this way. hopefully the chinese new year festive mood can further brighten up the mood...

it takes more than a week's effort to cultivate a habit, but it just takes a moment of laziness to destroy it all.

burst the bubble

2008-01-26T23:08:00.000+08:00

eunice accidentally succumbed to the monstrous whinery and is trying to get out of it.

and she finally realised that the root of the problem was lack of sleep. and she becomes more aware about the fact that she's claustrophobic by each passing day as she takes the east west line.

and i think im mad to blog in third person. now i allow the sleep monster to come, make me sleep! urgh.

anyway here's a line i saw that got me thinking,

artists who are christians have a better shot at changing the world than 'Christian artists'.

random attacks

2008-01-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

i have a morning job that requires me to wake up tmr at 6.45am for the morning trains, but i cant sleep. pfft. i think subconsciously a lot of things have been running through my mind, not to mention i have a noisy song stuck in my head for the past day.

will be starting my 8-day challenge at expo tmr, and the first day yesterday went quite well considering im all alone after lunch. thank you for the calmness you gave, and i pray for smooth transactions tmr. (: it's gonna be a battle for the arms, legs and mind. furthermore, tmr is going to be an extremely long day i believe. (and i just realised i cant go for misstan's wedding because of work as well, this totally sucks)

finally caught up with felicia after eons, and it was really a great time out together (: i particularly enjoyed the talk when we really talked about anything under the sun! but all the best in australia, the best plan all ready for you unravel...

cg today was interesting, tried to settle for some domestic cooking, but the difference in the dumplings before and after cooking is just simply amazing. the covenant made with little pinkies was meaningful i thought. hahaha. somehow i believe things are moving, im just reminded today that patience is the key. hmmm.

yeah, the january ns guys are out from their 2-week confinement, have fun with your short-lived freedom (: i do have to admit that life is quieter when most of the guys are in army heh.

okay okay, the clock struck midnight. i ought to hit the bed.

RIP

2008-01-23T19:49:00.000+08:00

i think my mp3 player is dying or has died. it cannot be charged and my computer cannot detect it. ): sigh big time. to come to think that i may want to save the money up to get myself a camera, now a mp3 player should be considered first. i still choose music over pictures haha.

meanwhile, its time to squeeze some audio files into tiny files so they can be packed into the legendary 128mb mp3 player i still own (:

IT/ gadget roadshow, please come soon!

anyway, im starting work again tmr at the john little expo sale, the prospect of 8 consecutive working days doesnt please me at all, but i shall be strong and steady to meet the challenge. (: and of course the challenge of conquering the sardine-like mrt carriages early in the morning. o levels results are out tomorrow as well, good luck to all, and im crossing my fingers for some.

ps. i finally did something that i had been procrastinating.

2008-01-22T22:05:00.000+08:00

ah, i love teaching glenn tuition (: because i dont get the 'im very tired and sian' feeling after teaching and it really shows me how important it is to be responsive to people because it makes the whole process much more enjoyable.

cg was great company on monday during evaxing, and meeting fungmin felt great haha. and my resolution of being more enthusiastic hmmmm. it feels like coming out from that huge tortoise shell of mine, but still workable i guess. lunch with jonathan was a good catching up session too, the food at victor's kitchen was really good and value-for-money. 10 bucks for a filling and great dimsum meal. and im meeting felicia, finally, on thurs for dinner after many many schedule clashes.

(mental note - more conquering of good food haunts in future meeting-ups with people)

on a side note, sometimes i really hate my whinings about the transport fares, it seems as though i can never get enough of it. =\ i get sick of what im doing unconsciously, and i suppose it would have been worse for the rest. i really dont like the idea of planning my routes so rigidly for the sake of money, but i have limited budget. maybe i dont have the choice to control fares, but i guess i do have a choice to stop the whining. hold me accountable please.

ack.

cities of refuge

2008-01-19T23:18:00.000+08:00

today, there's a lot of talk about the idea of family. i think this word brings about hope, happiness and definitely some form of disappointment for me. to me, its a place of warmth and where people can just be their true self with no condemnation.

and because of that, i really believe in the idea of cities of refuge.

i was blessed with a city of refuge, and i promise to continue to build.

because of how the world is made to be out there, there will be people who are desperately finding a place to hide, a place they can call home.

that feeling of desperation sure isnt that foreign to me.

nakatsu!

2008-01-18T22:15:00.000+08:00

it made my day when i found this picture (: double smiles. ((: one of my favourite tv drama/ manga characters! HAHA.

2008-01-15T22:01:00.000+08:00

i finally met up with my last tuition kid today (: and i like him the best among the three!

i think from these three kids, something important i've learnt is the fact that in everything we do, the willingness is essential. i like the last kid, not because he's extremely smart, nor is he extremely good at maths, but because he's willing to learn, willing to ask. he may be the slowest, but it doesnt matter because his attitude owns the rest. i shudder at the indifference and the carelessness the 'fastest' kid showed everytime she turns up.

for many things, am i adopting the right attitude?

i need to reconsider.

uphill

2008-01-15T00:05:00.000+08:00

one reason why i think im going to die when i officially work in the future, if i ever work in shenton way: im really claustrophobic, and the train jams are mad at the interchanges. a train ride from expo to choa chu kang today - simply torturous.

am officially employed for john little expo sale starting 24th, but roster was unexpectedly bad and i couldnt find anyone whos willing to exchange with me. 2 saturdays gone, and work for 8 consecutive days, how bad can that be. =\

im banking on the fact that You wont give me anything i cant tahan. and whatever shitty situations im in right now, You know what they are and there's bound to be a way out of it somehow.

no problem too big, only my imagination of God's power too small.

im tired but i will press on. (:

[edit]

tag replies:

terry: hey thanks! i just sent you an email about it (: hope you can help with it!

alexxx: glad you enjoyed yourself, see you soon haha.

samantha: eh i can recommend gokusen, one litre of tears and nobuata wo produce. (:

hong: hmm, then tahan one more year and you can taste it yourself haha.

stuck in a gradient

2008-01-13T18:52:00.001+08:00

the life im leading now brings excitement, and at the same time the tinge of fear of the unknown. schedule is always planned week by week, unlike in the past when school meant that things would be similar almost every weekday.

it's not about counting down to some doomsday like last year, but rather its like grasping things around me and making each day count the most as each day passes. pursuing those things that are important to me, and juggling the different obligations, of course, that each and every one of us has at the same time. in fact, i think i prefer it this way. minus away the disgusting transport fares, esp the LRT's. every tapping of the ezlink card makes me think of my expenses ):

and yeah, i want to meet up with so many people. but the situation im in right now does not exactly permit it. wells wells. pfft.

it's not as simple as black and white, i dont want to be stuck in a region of grey.

still moments

2008-01-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

some snapshots of some highlights of the 2 weeks into the new year... (:

the class gathering that really reminded me how im blessed to have known these people in my two years in JC!
and we crashed school on a fateful friday, nothing has seemed to change, other than the fact that we have become history in school. but everything else, still so familiar. it's really a feeling of 'so near yet so far'.

and presenting the full JCCA3! (: more lives to be saved! ahh too bad there wasnt any pictures taken during cg, wells. but the coming journey will not be easy but exciting at least. bit by bit im finally feeling it yay.

and my heart isnt made of paper, you cant tear me up.

beautiful enough

2008-01-10T21:55:00.000+08:00

matthew 11:28 "come to me , all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"

this night, i believe this verse to be really comforting. i could even imagine the cushy white mattresses and big white puffy pillows and soft music in the background.

even though i think i've been bumming around as compared to many others who are slogging their butts out from work and stuff like that, mentally im really tired inside. tired from all the conflicts and disagreements that seem neverending, i guess the areas of concerns just change from one to another. in my room with You, my temporary escapade.

the rest i need to refresh myself for another day.

anyway, cg today was not bad (: venue was interesting at someone's place. i miss such a cg setting i realised, the last similar one i had was probably before a levels if you dont count camp. and company was interesting i believe.

down to dream.

everything afresh

2008-01-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

new template new start!

keep on writing those chapters, new chapters yet to be penned, old chapters kept close within us.

i loved and still love whatever that i have been missing. but wells, theres sure more things for me to love this coming year.

we shall see.

ps. cg later (: exciting start...

2008-01-08T20:58:00.001+08:00

give me strength to juggle the various things i have on my plate, even when situations are tough you keep me going please!

give me wisdom to find the right words and do the right things at the right timings.

give me what i need but lack.

i think sometimes when i knock very furiously at one shut door, i always fail to see the other one creaking open. thanks for giving me that pleasant surprise amidst the disappointment.

thanks for that phonecall (: it made my day.

leave them as the memories

2008-01-07T17:19:00.000+08:00

i want to get my random designing ideas back! doodled a bit on paper and realised how much i missed it, and i kind of have rough ideas for the NB package! just that i dont have photoshop to give me a more clearer idea :o so is there anyone here who has the installation cd for adobe photoshop? pls tag okay (: thankyou very much.

and i heard today's evaxing got a super encouraging number of contacts ((: yay hopefully tmr will be a good day yupp.

anyway went back to hwachong with some sevenfivers today, kinda crashing since we sat in one entire math lecture. i really miss those days, minus the a levels stress of course. i particularly missed the crappping we used to do at 6.50am in the morning at the class bench. heh. captain's ball reminded me of the first captain's ball game we actually had outside the audi which started off everything. i wonder when we'll get the chance to do it again...

and we wonder and wonder. and the time ticks past.

life accountancy

2008-01-06T22:19:00.000+08:00

so in your eyes, im leading life aimlessly because im nt chasing after a job for money nor the experience unlike many others. but the fact is as long as i can cover my expenses, im totally fine with it. so here comes the problem, there is a conflict between us regarding this issue, and its getting increasingly difficult for me to account my actions and expenses everyday.

when i came clean with you that day, it was the truth, but not the complete one. the condition that we agreed on was the best as it seemed on that day at that moment, but that means you will not know the rationale of what im doing right now.

argh. the pain of the phrase "a step at a time", when things dont happen like that usually.

tmr marks the start of my wondrous night job - tuition. ahhh. i hope i stop coughing at night like i always do since i got sick.

heal me please (: i promise to drink more and pee more. HAHA.

some things i dont agree with

2008-01-06T00:28:00.000+08:00

so my job ended today haha, and as siewkeng puts it, im officially unemployed once again (at least in my parents' eyes, since tuition is supposed to be considered supplementary in nature pfft) was glad that it kind of ended, not because i didnt enjoy it, but rather the physical pain is getting into me. numb soles and painful knees. heh.

and you know what, i finally found out the answer to the reason why i've been feeling rather unhappy and wrongly burdened about the whole issue. there is a conflict between what i usually believe in and what is happening around me right now.

yes, my future is decided, but pardon me i dont really like doing things for the sake of doing. there is a missing link somehow which i cannot find... such are difficult things that have to handled with much care and sensitivity.

now put on the 'caution' sign.

wake up at the other side of the world

2008-01-05T00:51:00.001+08:00

a quick post before i hit the bed. gosh its already 1251am and i have to wake up real early because the bank works even earlier tmr ):

job has been better in terms of the degree of confusion, worse in terms of physical comfort because of the painful soles, calves and knees. but i think i got more toned calves, so thats a good trade off, i believe. my last day tmr, yeah but i guess afterall its still an interesting experience, particularly because of the people i get to meet, and the older than usual customers that walk through the door of the banks the whole day.

elderly are still cute, haha.

class reunion cum new year party at claire's house just now. sevenfive just makes awesome company! (: and claire's hse is the one of the best pigging out places haha! and yeah good luck to the soon-to-be botaks guys, and jiayou for work for the girls!

now.. i think i shld really sleep. tmr is gonna be a long day for me.

im employed

2008-01-02T20:04:00.000+08:00

had my first day as an employed individual at UOB bank as a crowd controller for the WIS scheme.

quite an interesting job i would say, though most of the time, whats within my job scope isnt that demanding afterall. but what isnt in my job scope is tough, like entertaining the hordes of people who entered the bank and bombarded me with all kinds of questions because i wore the staff tag. so actually i learnt a lot more about the bank, things like account opening, fixed deposit, quick deposit procedures and blahblah. well, gotta thank the 2 personal bankers who assisted me a LOT with all my questions because i couldnt handle all the enquiries out of the WIS scheme, esp gerald. (: and i became friends with the cisco security guard who was funny i thought.

work at my branch means mingling a lot with people my parents' age and even older, more so for my job scope. as expected, some are nasty and grumpy, but some are pleasantly friendly and cheery. but i would say the friendliness seems to be proportionate to age heh.

but my feet ached. my only sitting-down time was the 45 min lunch break. well.

tmr will be better, because at least i dont feel as noob as today.

(:

2008-01-01T20:50:00.001+08:00

im sick on the first day of the year.

bless my voice. i want it back so terribly. im starting a service-oriented job tmr.

...

goodbye

2007-12-31T09:12:00.000+08:00

year two thousand and seven.

it's hard to sum up this year simply because too many things have happened. changes are probably the only constant, some for the better, some seemingly for the worse, but i would say, all according to plan. there were many occassions i was stumped with choices that i had to make, when i wished that time would just freeze and skip that moment so nothing would have be decided and life goes on. but i suppose, its still the first instinct to choose the easy way out. this, i think, must change. but looking back, 2007 was awesome really, and this eighteenth year of mine has been truly a turning point in my life, a milestone that i dont think i'll ever forget. some events in life change us. 2007 changed me.

let me try to start from somewhere. like hwachong. (haha)

think i didnt blog about graduation at all, so yeah i graduated from hwachong in october and just yesterday i was talking to peiting about jc life and i realised i really enjoyed my two years in hc. despite the disgusting exams and academic struggle and stuff like that, the company made it all worthwhile i suppose. these two years of education - i'll miss the most ): true, theres integrated programme, and i think i was blessed in the sense that i was not surrounded by too many ip people and that really opened up an option to mingle around, like how jc education were like in the past.

being in sevenfive is a gift i believe. right from the start till the end. i think you guys are what made my jc life special because you guys are just... you. (: dont think i'll trade anything for this class because i think times with you guys really help me define something called a class. its not just a community who studies together, but really a community of individuals i can call friends. we may not be outstanding academically, unless you consider a top position from the bottom as oustanding, or if you consider surviving under siva for two whole years as outstanding haha. but really, next time if anyone asks me about my class in the future, i would stand proud and say im from sevenfive (: now that life is no longer the same, i'll miss the times we had in school, i seriously wouldnt mind going through exams again with you guys than this funny not-quite-there working life and then subsequently university. you know this sounds sadistic but when there were so many of us in all those post-prelims remedials, somehow i was glad i was not alone. but i know that how hard this a levels process is gonna be, i have company. but whatever it is, i cant turn back time, i thank everyone of you for giving me all those wonderous memories for the past two years, such that one day when i miss you guys so badly i'll even cry. but thanks for everything. when i look back at jc next time, let there be no regrets because those two years were with you people.

hcco (: something that i really would not have expected when i came hwachong. you guys are just... a pleasant surprise haha. from the start when it was tough because of the environment and the people, and when dyb was lukewarm to the max till today, i'm glad i've made true friends from this community of people. from the initial strangers, so things changed, and thankfully for the better. faces and voices around you become more familiar and the next thing you know when you smile at someone, he or she will smile back haha. and more and more it feels just like the right place to be in. we have so many differences among us but you just cant deny theres just something special and common in us that makes us come back week after week. dyb - the subtle but sweet section (:! in all, i think you people are people i know, even when i look at you years later, you will make me smile from the bottom of my heart. this story you guys have written with me, im locking it up with me. not partners on stage anymore, but what about in life?

and something that made this year very special is because it's the start of how i started walking with God seriously. i guess i couldnt never give thanks enough for what's been done in my life, because my life has been utterly changed since i received Him into my life. especially this year wasnt an easy year for me, in fact it got harder along the way, many times i was discouraged by what was happening around me, but thanks for never letting me go! and for keeping your promise, when you gave me the best birthday present in 23rd dec when my dad finally allowed me to attend service (: last time i sang praise and worship by the lyrics, but now i sing praise and worship songs by feelings. because images of what you have done in my life keep appearing. yes i cry, yes i tear, but you made me more human than the eunice from the past. im truly amazed by Your work, and for You, i'll strive to be an even stronger girl in You.

hwachong cg! eunice loves you guys (every one of you) a lot a lot deep down in my heart, and i gave thanks for this family that God has graciously given me to start off my walk with. this community of brothers and sisters really gave me a family outside home, doing lives together, giving me support through the down times i had. His love manifested times and again through you people, and thanks for being such an encouraging, caring, enthusiastic and most importantly loving bunch. (: love is probably what attracts me right from the beginning because of the various events that happened to me from the past, there's just this void in me that God slowly fills, and the overwhelming love i felt as well filling it. you know i read all those cards and people say i open up my life to them, but you guys are the reason why im opening up. the trust in others in which i had problems since young, the fear of being judged, but the love present bridged it all. come to think of it, these ppl prob know more abt my past than a lot of other people, so pls be honoured. we had no obligations to this family, but yet the little efforts that everyone of us put in to make things possible. and of course God who oversees everything and blessed the cg in quantity and quality. and that heart for God, guys and girls alike. the life transformations all so amazing. thankyou, really thank you. and thank You.

now that most of us are down for different paths - the ns guys to NS, the girls in the grads group and my dear pioneering team. down to different ways, but with the same aim to impact more people, but i suppose deep inside this family is still family. im not sure for you, it sure is for me. because my start of the walk sure isnt easy with parental objections and all my personal problems, but its with you guys that God blessed me with that i find support and sometimes strength from. it need not be elaborate, a simple encouragement sms can even make me tear sometimes. but from you people, i've learnt the importance to go out and bless people with what i can. because what i've experienced even when its a short year, its indescribable. eunice heart you all, and am proud to serve with you people.

and eunice gives thanks to those who are not in the cg, but yet still in the family (:

family-wise, things probably didnt go as smoothly as i would want it to be. many occasions in the year, i was very disappointed by what i saw, by what i heard. but it further confirmed how important this family is to me, and how badly i want things at home to work. thanks for the constant reminder to be good salt and light at home and be a good testimony. the tears i shed for these people they wont see, but what i do they will, and i'll make sure there''s nothing bad from it that they can say. at least i try.

and of course, to some people who were always there (: like shawn xiaohong felicia. thanks so much (:

to all the people they are with me in 2007, allow me to be a selfish girl and take away these memories i have with you guys.

it's going to be a new chapter tomorrow and everything this year will soon come to a closure. 2008 will be a new life. but im looking forward to more transformation, in You i really believe.

you know my prayer for 08.

another phase

2007-12-27T16:37:00.000+08:00

today when i was fretting over the lack of office wear to last me for the 4-day assignment next week, something just dawned on me.

my life is the same no more. this is a time of revolution.

holidays no longer feel like holidays. even when school starts in august next year, its nothing much like the schools that i had attended for the past 12 years. people around me are all moving on, each with our own lives, our own paths to take, our own futures to take care of. the faces around us are bound to change soon and very soon. our concerns change from grades and results to jobs and income and army and trainings.

growing up is indeed... scary.

welcome to the unsheltered world. -sniggers.

2007-12-26T23:11:00.001+08:00

i just discovered the wonders of using picasa to upload pictures on a blog.

wow.

christmas

2007-12-25T11:30:00.000+08:00

my 2nd true christmas (:

i think the commercialisation irks me a bit. i totally hate the swarm of people ransacking retail outlets just because theres a huge sign that says christmas sale. even christmas exchange gifts, all the towels and whatever, is it truly what the receiver needs or are these just bought because of sheer convenience?

that aside, sometimes it surely is better as the burdens are left behind slowly. the heavier footsteps becoming lighter. but that would mean all of us will be one step nearer to the unknown ahead. heh.

but wells, at least this time round, its not pitch dark ahead. maybe there will be some hiccups, but i'll just try not to let it overcome me instead.

and yeah, here wishing all a merry christmas and a blessed yr 08!

awesomely good

2007-12-23T19:21:00.000+08:00

i can safely proclaim that you are really good. even when my faith is small, you still work wonders in my life (: truly worthy of my praises.

and i swear that was the scariest car ride i have ever taken. a levels dont even seem so intimidating, come to think of it. but thank God for letting me see my dad's concerns more clearly, and understanding the rationale behind a lot of things better. that 15-minute long conversation, it probably never went so deep before in my entire life.

thanks for those encouragements, really. at times like this, you truly appreciate the people around who care.

and...

happy birthday (:

2007-12-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

in the silence, i asked myself. where is my courage?

i thought i knew something was on my placard.

but the silence between us is so apparent, it would be frightening to even make a squeak to break the silence.

the fan is whirring in the background. heh.

2007-12-21T21:11:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wished i was given that love and respect. so that it will be easier for me to reciprocate. this past year hasnt been easier, in fact harder. i just wonder, if i was still the old me, would i just let my heart go cold and die off?

but the fact is, i am no longer the old me. and yes, i do believe that you are good all the time. all the time. my happy times, my down times, all the time.

but im not good. my faith is small.

when i face them, the sense of insecurity still creeps in.

...

the how

2007-12-19T20:19:00.000+08:00

how do i explain myself in terms you understand and accept?

2007-12-19T10:45:00.000+08:00

there is none like you
no one else can touch my heart like you do
i could search for all eternity long
and find there is none like you

been writing christmas cards lately, and somemore activities such as this always bring back some memories that i would rather keep inside. it always reminded of the fragility of relationships somehow. in the period between last year and this year, what exactly happened kind of went a little off track, a little out of control.

new and old people. some will come and go? who will stay?

anyway jobwise, people who dont understand whats going on will probably question my rationale for rejecting a total of 12 job offers, not taking up an admin job even when it pays well. even for the interview i went yesterday, i think the lady was puzzled why i didnt want admin job, but rather choose a 2-week assignment instead. no matter how angry you guys can be at my decision, i hope im at least respected for my choice.

somehow, i'll find a way for me to tide through the transport fee crisis starting 1 jan.

(:

not my battle but Yours

2007-12-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

today i was touched by a promise that has come to pass, by an unexpected note, by a skit, by a timely message, a whisper at the ear, and the salvation of lives.

congrats to siyun who took that step of faith to rededicate your life once again, and for the first convert from ac! (: yay something is moving finally, and go ca3! win more ac hearts man.

for many reasons, my heart was weary but thankfully in it, i still feel a tinge of hope. definitely not the best times of the walk, but yes i'll press on. for the many questions i have in me, if theres an answer f0r them, may they come soon or in their own timings perhaps. for things that dont have an answer to, help me just let it go.

breathe, eunice.

2 chronicles 20:15

is it possible

2007-12-14T22:06:00.001+08:00

let's see how many more times i'll slip before im determined enough to get a new pair of slippers. especially challenging since its the rainy season and even more challenging since i need to manage my finances more carefully.

so many uncertainties ahead of me. every step needs to be treaded on carefully, with much consideration.

but let's just trust that wherever your light is, that is the best place i ought to be in. and i need to block off some distractions and some facts of reality.

x29

2007-12-12T17:17:00.000+08:00

x29.

just wanna give thanks because you have refreshed me finally after like that period of feeling so sian and dry. it just struck me how important it is to start with myself, because if thats not done nothing else can really stir inside anyway.

taught me the importance of giving thanks to everything i have. everything that i have now that i did not used to have. whatever you have given me thus far, i cherish. if i havent been, i really want to learn to. like really cherish, from deep down in my heart. i remember last night tears came because only you could have made all these things that have happened thus far possible. nothing else.

new group. new beginning. new goals and aims and visions. im excited, but i really gotta remind myself that nothing comes easy. but together with you, im gonna give my best shot. i promise, to the best i can.

somehow, i admit i still miss the old group. some things just never change, im still well, say rather resistant to change. but well eunice, you have to move on. move on and move on. dont ever let this be a hindrance to progress. no change no progress no advancement.

i have to remember, its your cause that matters in the end. not mine. what i am is yours.

jiayou. (:

pre x29

2007-12-08T22:30:00.001+08:00

for something exciting for the next 4 days! (:

(will be away but you can still reach me on my handphone)

not at the tip-top condition, but im expecting the unexpected. nothing's gonna stop you.

sadded

2007-12-07T16:23:00.001+08:00

sometimes i really wonder, what did i ever do to deserve that? again and again, the same episode plays recurrently. that disappointment in me feeling the same as last time.

i cant hide, because its not right, and theres no where i can really hide myself in.

i cant confront either because two wrongs dont make a right.

if i ignore, you say im ignoring you.

sigh. the weather is good, i thought i would sleep the whole day away. so all the troubles will go away. but that isnt an option either.

i think i need to call 333. ):

[edit]

i closed my eyes and you brought me to a place where your love is just enough for me.

even when i can feel extremely unloved, i know at some corner, no matter when and where, im still loved by someone.

and thanks for using victor as a blessing today. (: i really appreciated it.

[/edit]

2007-12-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

the stop button is faulty.

and the show continues, and we are always seconds older than what we were before.

but if we can press the stop button, then whats next? just accept it, its faulty and no one is mending it.

prom details maybe next time. im really tired out by my body clock that seems to function too well.

amazing mundanes

2007-12-04T11:27:00.001+08:00

prom later!

another day when we breathe

2007-12-03T12:28:00.001+08:00

prom prep is starting to get onto my nerves. okay, it has already done so =\

dont think anyone's like me, im glad that prom is coming because that would mean its gonna be over soon. but then again, i dont want the last school event to end so soon, that would mean no more hwa chong isnt it?

i still remember that day during the last caregroup i told samuel that that day was probably the last day we are gonna be in hwachong campus for the year. maybe one day, i'll really miss those little corners in school, especially when the house gets a bit boring and when i no longer have enough money to fund my outings out of house. -.-

i think this entry is useless but who cares.

and i still have no idea whats gonna happen tmr heh. but oh wells we shall see. now i shall just gobble down my lunch and go for wfl at town later. plus meeting felicia later to get the clutch im borrowing from her (:

just another day.

muses

2007-12-02T02:06:00.001+08:00

uh oh. i accidentally ate beef at jiexun's place just now and there are red spots on my legs. i hope they are itchy mosquito bites and not rashes =\

and im really feeling the pinch on my finances. they are seriously not doing very well and it just gets exasperating because i dont like the feeling of being in debt, and the feeling of having to worry how much i can spend the next day without going all hungry on another. singapore should seriously consider lowering the food retail prices -.- and transport fees too. since my ezlink is going to beep only once next year.

to top it all, im feeling rather dry lately.

oh wells.

what goes up should come down by now. just that i need to go back up in time.

hwachong caregroup

2007-11-30T08:56:00.000+08:00

i dislike parting scenes, really.

because i admit that im someone to tend to resist changes, rather prefer that things will always remain the same and constant and i'll be in my comfort zone happily ever after. maybe thats why sometimes i get so miserable with myself because that's just not possible in reality. time ticks past and events always change. people around us come and go, regardless whether i want it or not. so maybe this time i'll opt for a change and learn to accept it readily because i believe Your plans are good till the end of time.

so yesterday afternoon was the last combined hwachong caregroup session together. i think i was too tired to feel too sad then because of the aftermath of class chalet, but now i guess the sadness has started to sink in a bit. just a shoutout here, i really love you guys a lot a lot, and i mean it. the dynamics, the warmth, the friendliness, the care and concern showed are just unforgettable. like i say, you guys are just like a family outside home. (: at one of my lowest points in life last year, through Him and you people, then was i able to slowly pick myself up, and eventually open up a bit more. i thought i couldnt trust, believe or even love genuinely anymore. but you guys proved me wrong and taught me how. eunice heart the caregroup and every one of you in there.

despite this, i really wanna learn to let go. especially in this one whole year, i've been trying so hard to put down past events that have been bogging me down all this while. letting go doesnt mean forgetting about someone or something, maybe its just about moving on. moving on with what i have at the moment, with what the people around me have given me thus far, with the love i've received all the while. because afterall, it will be plain dumb to deny that what i am today was nothing to do with you guys.

dont think a blog entry is enough to round up what i feel about you guys, because you people are love, so much that my words and vocabulary cant express.

but here, sealed with a promise, i'll move on bravely and strongly. because His love never fails and and in Him we find love and joy together, and thats for eternity. (:

whatever it is, dont thinnk i'll ever forget that my initial steps of my walk with Him was with you guys. and im really proud to be from hc caregroup, under dearest CLs, fungmin samuel and tracee! (: and of course under one great God which im very thankful for.

john 15:12

and now. my excitement for the future path begins.

2007-11-27T20:02:00.001+08:00

i was really overwhelmed a while ago.

imagine this. a phone call came and your class chalet is supposed to start today when we all thought it is tmr. now change it to reality. my battery went down two bars after 45 min of continuous calling and smsing and yeah, sudden panicking.

hopefully all things are more or less settled. sigh. my deepest apologies to those who cannot make it at all ): dui bu qi.

ahhh.

why did things turn out this way. sigh.

choices come haunting

2007-11-27T00:28:00.000+08:00

one of the those blank-out times came again, sigh. a new bout of apathy just hit me, say a few hours ago? i wonder why my mind keeps switching to the blanking out mode. does it mean some things need to be erased from the mind temporarily so that nothing drastic would be felt? or does it simply stem from boredom?

sometimes maybe its better not to always search for a human answer. some things are just naturally harder to explain than others.

and im really getting tired of prom shopping, because it gets exasperating when you are shopping under time constraints and especially shoes when manufacturers only challenge how high a freaking pair of heels can go up till. so today i just settled down with this pointed flats. urgh whatever, its not flats, because i think theres a 1cm heel or something. i think, i just ran out of patience with myself then.

hmmm, just knew that last caregroup clashes right on with class chalet. ): sadded. but guess perhaps i'll just take day 2 afternoon out and join the cg, afterall i dont think i'll bear to miss any of it, pretty torn apart. =\

in the end, it all boils down to choices isnt it? choices everyday, we just cant miss them.

restructuring

2007-11-25T00:17:00.000+08:00

restructuring was announced today and coming next week, its a new exciting path for me.

out of my comfort zone, im going to cling onto You no matter what. im venturing into this unknown with you. pioneering, here i come.

some things come, and that means some things have to go. it could have been only a very short one year, but this year with you guys has been truly amazing and you guys have given me a family outside home. how many times i was touched by the abundant love. i cant count anymore and i just cant stop giving thanks.

to love or to be loved is better, i cant say because i really feel loved and i love you guys much.

(:

=)

2007-11-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

it was a day of great company, as usual, with the cg people today (:

minds cafe was crazy, and the dinosaur game was just tiring. i have crazy game mates like yvonne fung qinpei leon and clarence. haha. not to mention that occasionally you will hear kenneth's legendary screams. and wenwei brought his brother who was just absolutely cute to the max.

then dinner with fung still around and the chitchat at ben and jerry's with the guys after that.

sometimes i really give thanks to whoever He has put around me. yes im surrounded by people who challenge me, but i guess im also reminded once and again that there are people who i can really trust and depend on support when i need to.

restructuring is going to be really soon. and i guess caregroup people will become ex-caregroup mates and new will come. but whatever it is, we are still under one institution, under one family, under one higher being. still brothers and sisters (:

muses of freedom

2007-11-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

liberation was indeed sweet. and this is the new beginning of life should really be, or is it? i guess perhaps i would have preferred a life where the more intangible things are being pursued. that would be pretty great i think.

but im skeptical about how im gonna work my way through this 8-month holiday. it would be absolutely retarded to say that im gonna play hard till then. but so far my planner tells me that i have almost something on every single day until 14 dec, and at this rate, it may just be a bout of crazy fatigue.

i'll see how. maybe i'll squeeze in an exercise regime, so i can keep up with the bustling activities going on.

so day one of liberation was pretty mild, because i was just tired surprisingly.

i was yawning like crazy during the last paper of my jc life. probably the last bio mcq in my entire life. not of boredom but of lethargy haha. wanted to hit kino and hide in some corner to read books, so got shawn to accompany me. but in the end, it ended up as a trip to harbourfront and vivo with the window shopping and catching up. and our legs ached. -.- a surprise to me was pageone at vivo, maybe one day i may go there and chill out in solitude. good books still attract me, and i just found out that the book im currently reading is really a bestseller in bookstores. (: so im glad for great company this morning and afternoon.

and on a side note, shopping for prom shoes is a pain. why cant people manufacture more flats and ladies sandals, instead of challenging how high a pair of heels can go?

grr.

< 24 hours.

2007-11-21T14:02:00.000+08:00

after tmr 9.15am...

(:

and more (: (: (:

when everything's been pushed to "after A's" this is what i think i need to do.

1) draw up my planner until end of dec. so many things are going on till i lost count.
2) meet up people i've not been seeing for ages!
3) more time for the higher being up there haha.
4) japanese drama spree
5) get good books from the library
6) shopping for prom
7) chalets and camp
8) plan tuition sessions and earn quick bucks
9) start sourcing for a job
10) pack up the pig-sty in my room
11) find some computer games to play
12) save up money, and hopefully by the end of the 8-month long holiday i can afford a decent camera
13) doodle with photography?

and many more...

haha. 19 more hours, time, you shall pass at a pace such that i can finish whatever i need to, and whats left is to anticipate the freedom.

2007-11-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

goodness.

im watching the drama hero before my a levels actually end.

kuryu kohei. <3

ah, i really really want to go catch the movie. ahhhh.

pfft.

the end is near

2007-11-19T12:23:00.000+08:00

i've made an important decision recently.

and though that path looks bumpy and rocky, i think if i keep you close by my side, i should be able to do fine. and maybe at the end of the path, i'll find myself becoming a stronger person for you.

sometimes i tell myself i need a breakthrough. but apparently i was only thinking, because breakthroughs dont come easy. it was a hard decision, but at least i made it.

(:

bio paper three was over today and it was really manageable, i had much to write until i was still trying to scribble at the last minute. sounds better than having nothing to write? one more left!

and on a side note, i've found myself a dec-hol job as a 1-month math tutor. MATH TUTOR. but oh wells, primary 3 maths cant be that daunting. and i desperately need money to handle my spending spree for the month.

remember those days

2007-11-18T10:29:00.000+08:00

saw this somewhere and ha how interesting..

You grew up watching He-man, MASK, Transformers, Silver Hawk and Mickey Mouse, Ninja turtles, Carebears, Robocop, My Little Pony and Smurfs.

You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You would squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug.

You hated or loved the school nurse (she was either pretty or mean).

You know what SBC stands for.

You paid 40 cents for cartons of Chocolate or Strawberry milk every week in class.

Everyone's wallet used to be the velcro type

It was cool to have pagers in primary school

SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned.

The bus seats are made of wood and the cushionwere red. The big red bell gave a loud BEEP! when pressed. There were still bus tickets and bus conductors would come up to check them. (haha i took such before they phased out)

Envelopes were given to us to donate to Sharity Elephant every Children's Day.

You've probably read Young Generation magazine.You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
You know what PETS are and the hidden animals in all the text pages. You hated penmanship.

Writing lines and caning hands were common, esp if you failed chinese spelling (caning was actually allowed. no shit).

You were there when they first introduced the MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.

Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.

Gals were fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.

You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.

You bought tidbits called beebee (20 cents per pack, 10 cents in MGS), and mamee (30 cents), that had a different sticker in it every time.

You carried a lunch box to school but either threw away the food or brought it back home again.

You watched TV2 (also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.

Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven were probably the thickeststory books you thought you would ever read.

KFC used to be a high class restaurant that served food in plates and had metal forks and knives.

Catching and pepsi-cola was the IN thing, and twist was themagic word.

Your English workbooks were made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.

You came to school 15 mins before the bell every morning just so you could copy someone's homework.

CDIS was your best friend.The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellized characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you math.

Waterbottles were slung around your neck and a must everywhere you went.

Boys loved to play soccer with small stones or tennis balls in the basketball court.Girls played five stones and boys played with marbles.

Science was fun with the Balsam and the Angsana being the most important plants of our lives, guppies and swordtail being the most important fishes.

Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, immortalized in our minds from school textbooks.

We conducted experiments of our own to get badges for being a Young Zoologist/Botanist etc.

Every Children's day and National day you either got pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or useless plastic files with 'Happy National Day 1994'.
(not so old la)

You wore BM2000, BATA, or Pallas shoes.

Your form teacher taught you Maths, Science and English.

You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the schoolto sit down, dry your feet, and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.

There would be spelling tests and mental sums to do almost everyday (you hated them).

Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $2 or more for pocket mone everyday.

You saw Wee Kim Wee's face in the school hall.

Boys liked catching fighting spiders, earthworms or tadpoles.Collecting and battling erasers was a pastime for boys.

Class monitors and prefects loved to say, "You talk somemore, I write your name ah!"

You got booked for muddy shoes in class.

There were at least 40 people in one class.

You brought every single book to school, even though there was a timetable.

There was a pro-yo/bumblebee, digimon craze at some point in time.

but then again, i dont think i was that old. this only reminds me of my p1 and p2 days. 10 years ago? HAHA.

2007-11-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

im at the crossroads.

and right now, i need to know what you want to do with me. what i want to do with you. and what i want to do with myself.

i hope the answers come soon, not just accelerated heartbeat heh. im praying hard, really.

changes.

2007-11-15T20:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just have no idea what im doing with my life.

take this for example, i have chem mcq tmr, and yet i've been slacking through the day. distracted, tired, bored, you name it.

and really should i give thanks that i'm not the one on the driver's seat, because i will mess up my life pretty terribly given my discipline. or maybe i still dont see the point about chasing those grades. not yet.

guess i should hit my books again soon. even when i dont see the point yet, the prospect of being disappointed in the future should be able to pull me back to reality.

like what zhikang said last time, no regrets. haha.

im just a whiney girl today. oh wells.

2007-11-14T20:11:00.000+08:00

i saw 8 people from sevenfive online today. and thats record breaking because i have never seen so many people since before prelims. haha. the wonders of mugging like crazy, and eunice is the only weird person who stays online close to 24/7.

but half the time, im just not chatting. you know, sometimes, you are just waiting for the right msn convo to pop out.

only three papers left till liberation. move on and look forward. :D

i still want to cling on to the tiny hope that you have given so carelessly. if its not okay, its not the end, because in the end it will be okay. i just need to wait till the end.

im done with it

2007-11-13T23:22:00.001+08:00

so i think you were right. i'll just take this chance and really see who are the ones who will stay till the very end. i may be afraid that people will fail the test, and i may be afraid of being disappointed, but at the end, i cannot do much anyway.

i dont hold the reins. im not the driver of the car that picks and drops people along the way. the road may be bumpy, but i really hope you will stay on. but then again, you dont hold the reins either.

havent i asked myself that question so many times? and havent i gotten the answer? knowing and accepting, are indeed two issues.

and i cant believe that im drilling a hole myself to get myself stuck in. sometimes these are the dumb decisions that i make and i hope i laugh at them one day. because apparently 18 years of life, i havent laughed at myself enough yet.

i will be okay soon. (:

and a levels are ending soon! 4 more papers and then the long awaited liberation. this month sure passes quickly, like any other time.

and this is random, but i want to watch the japanese movie 'hero' after As. (:

2007-11-12T14:56:00.000+08:00

i dont like the way some things catch me by surprise. especially when they are not all that pleasant after all.

that statement caught me by surprise, and there goes my attention and concentration since after lunch.

there's a lot of things i've yet to understand, and maybe i'll never get the answers. but i'll learn to take it as it is, but sometimes i just wish it all didnt happen.

[edit]

thanks for the phone call. even when i think i wasnt coherent, i wasnt making sense, but thanks for just being there and understanding.

[/edit]

2007-11-11T01:43:00.000+08:00

when things are not very pretty, i tend to find comfort in people and things. in food, in chocolate, in people around me. but i give thanks that i always find comfort in my big shepherd, and small shepherd ho.

thanks fungmin for hearing me out even when its like the wee hours of the morning now. (:

and im not usually awake this time. blame it on the two drinks i had at starbucks and coffee bean today, and im absolutely awake like an owl now. and owls are supposed to be wise, so i better be wise and mug my stuff well.

sometimes i just think time is slipping away. very fast. and im not living in a world where a levels only exist at this moment. heh.

a glimpse of light

2007-11-08T13:59:00.000+08:00

the wonders

2007-11-07T22:00:00.001+08:00

i feel so out of touch with econs. mister econs, please be my good friend once again. all i ask for, is just your undivided attention for the next couple of days. (:

by the way, A levels are half done for me, more or less. 22 november, the end is at sight. and i probably took my last important math exam ever in my life yesterday. liberation from all those algebraic monsters is just... bliss. ever since the day i lost interest in all these numbers, im just waiting for an appropriate end to that.

mugging is tough. but in my opinion, mugging alone is tougher. i give thanks that i can find strength in you, and through the people you place in my life. one day, i should take random photos of my precious mugging accomplices, to mark this special phase of life haha (:

and. this is big news. i exercised for the first time ever since i stopped pe in hwachong. i feel so noob exercising again. haha. but its a good start, its high time i take care of myself, physically, mentally and spiritually.

[edit]
shawn went back for ny choral night, and as expected without gary tang, theres nothing much left that makes it professional. im just glad during my years in ny, choral nights were still things that i could look forward to. now. they are just left for memories i suppose.

dont ever think i'll watch any choral night performance to spoil the image in my head. heh.
[/edit]

laughs

2007-11-05T22:39:00.000+08:00

you dont know how relieved and grateful i am when that bout of discomfort and fluctuating body temperature fades off. thankyou. and i hope it stays that way, at least until 5pm tmr evening.

the whole afternoon was wasted because i was too sick and i have my heaviest content of A levels tmr. wish me good luck man.

this must be a true time of testing of what i have actually learnt after two years of ~~hard work~~.

haha. yes, i shall not let you conquer me tmr! yes and im talking to you, mister bio paper and mister math paper. (: