yesterday's leap programme was serious crap, as yueqi mentioned, "waste my life" -.- service learning workshop was kinda boring in the beginning, cos it's not exactly something that you can actually learn from listening to someone talk like that. (and not that the facilitator is very engaging) nothing but empty talk, nothing inspiring. but guess i enjoyed the helen keller movie - the miracle worker, which i thought was rather touching, the spirit to really help a person and persevering all the way to the end even when times are bleak. hahah oh wells, the lil girl was really cute =D
when you believe, miracles do happen. or rather you can work miracles. (: still remember this line - behind helen's eyes is the power to change the world. (or sth like that) hahah.
oh. and then the sexual education workshop was cancelled cos we were late and the facilitators didnt want to continue. i was like, what crap. oh wells. the next time they might just as well consider having the workshop starting at 1.30pm. and now i bet there's some makeup day again. oh anyway, finally finished my napfa on fri, ooh! i ran 2.4km under 16 minutes, hahah must be a feat, considering how little i ran this year -.- hahah and now yueqi owes me a bar of chocolate. and im a gekked at the one more inclined pull up to help me get a gold... but okayy i shouldnt have forgotten that my standing broad jump and sit and reach improved like mad. haha. and my shuttle run deproved by 0.3sec. haha.
hehh. realised im super inactive at my tagboard, so i shall reply all my tags here.
peiting: hi hahahaha =) i doubt you will ever read this entry. XD sam: hahaha im damn honoured to be mentioned like that in your blog entry, anyway you help loads too! thanks for everything. xiaohong: hahah perhaps (: afterall memories just keep rolling in, and yeah will probably realise how much something means to me when i almost or already lost it. =x yueqi: hahah so proud mann, our grp actually pia-ed the entire GPP in one day. XD feL: thanks so much, feeling loads better. and hopefully i can learn how to have a healthier diet... iamburpy: welcome (: if you ever need someone to talk to, hahaha okayy i think i'll be available...
it just kinda dawned on me how fast time is passing us each day. and the little things come and go, and where are we going to find them back in the days to come? 10:48
26 April 2006
this is going to be the crappiest announcement of the week. i think im gonna fall sick soon and this sounds awfully bad. hahaha know i cant exactly fall sick overnight, so im just gonna blame the chicken chop from golden rooster last night. haha.
so it all happened this morning when i was feeling very groggy from the lack of sleep cos i couldnt sleep last night. and the headache just got worse. plus the stupid cramps. -curses and more curses- felt like a piece of crap during econs so basically slept through the entire thing. >< then it was council presidential election campaign... ha think i'll probably vote for chernwei and sharmaine tmr. then half an hour of gp, i was feeling damn feverish so decided to take my temp and my nice odt said i had a temp of 35.9.. o.O which was freaking low. but luckily things got much better after lunch, hahaha had a little fun doing arm wrestling, but sigh, anyone can easily thrash my left arm, it's too weak -.- hehh. then everything was fine until i got the headache back halfway through dazu. ack.
and now i declare panadols are wonderful inventions. hahaha. totally rocked.
on the other hand, chem ilp is the worst invention ever. 21:39
25 April 2006
i have never felt so pw-ish before, have been doing pw related stuff since 3pm all the way till now. the discussion at nicholas's place and then the pia-ing at home. okay, minus away the time around 9 to 10 when i was desperately trying to contact yueqi but to no avail. hahah that dear girl has been napping. AHH! =p but at least things are more or less very much in shape and not as worrying as it seemed this morning. yay and minutes are finally in a good condition. (: hah. and i think nicholas does need his rest if he ever wants to recover. -.-
okay the clock says 0.00hrs. wow. im so going to fall asleep during the council presidential election campaign tmr. never mind, it's rest that's worth it.
休息是为了要走更长远的路。 23:56
24 April 2006
okay. i think im gonna flip if i start thinking what i have to do. and come to think of it, i thought i was kinda free after the mugging test week. and guess what, i dread the thought of the many things i need to do.
but never mind. eunice, gotta stay strong and dont flip! =) can do it! this is not the first time like that, so yes you are gonna be okay. hahahaha. doesnt sound very right to talk to myself like that. heck it.
priorities have to be right, no more dreaming in lalaland and enjoying myself. oh wait, no, should be learning how to enjoy myself amidst the process of working hard (: there's no point torturing myself in the meanwhile and see me sulking all day.
okay. have faith and you'll never be alone. there's gonna be someone down the path with you... 22:37
22 April 2006
i know this is kind of lagging, since im supposed to post this yesterday. but ah well i was half awake after the bus ride home from pulse.
so yup, yesterday was one year after syf day. 210405. time just passes so quickly, sad to say. how we all worked for a common goal and believing in each other. how we worried and eased each other's worries. how we got ourselves so hyped up because of the music. and yes on the eve of syf day, "have faith, and you'll never be alone". bet you wont know how much i believe in that. i really did, and till now i still do.
it's kind of sad that i dont remember a lot of class stuff and i guess the only thing that really bonds me back to ny is nyco. and yet i remember that day. that morning when i reached school the earliest in my entire history in ny, how the sky looked beautiful despite its darkness. going into m4 the earliest in my life. singing the national anthem near the audi before going for a last round of prac in the audi. how miss chek said we looked so much more refreshed. the seniors who came back. the boarding of the bus, nervous yet with the music running clearly in my head. my tuning peg going loose in the tuning room which i literally freaked. then our turn on stage. hahahh never will forget those moments and that assuring thumbs-up from miss chek. (: it's always the case when i felt alone when i get a little stage fright, but i never felt alone this entire experience. they were with me.
i dont know. but one year from then, where am i now? still in co. but hcco just feels different.
but anyway, it's the end of the busy mugging week, but i guess after every test, i felt like banging my head on the wall. totally screwed everything and i still cannot believe that my gc hanged for 2 mins yesterday. x( maybe its time for me to start waking up.. hahaha. and do more constructive stuff.
pulse yesterday. n.u.t is a good band (: huiyan's voice was really good... but avis rocks! hahaha. never mind the hiccups and yadayada, you guys still rock on. ah well, but the vocals for the spirit carries on was kinda disappointing. hmm. oh wells. nonetheless, good job people! (:
alright. back to my weekend. 12:09
19 April 2006
talking to someone who understands really helps a lot. a hell lot. i thank samantha for that (: at least, it's so much saner tonight, and probably the later part of last night. and come to think of it, if they dont understand what im feeling, then i really cant blame them for reminding me that every other time.
afterall, they treat it as a childhood incident. but i dont.
anyway it's the mugging week and its bio tmr. urgh. im not such an idiot to pin any hopes on it. this is not complacency. im just being realistic. anyway i still have my maths for me to panic. hmph.
oh and we had heats for 4x100m today. -ihavenocomments andyougetwhatimean- but the attendance for the entire thing was kinda bad and the javelin event was very interesting. because there were so many noobs, by everyone's second try, i think only 7 really qualified. =p cant even make up 8 individuals in the final. of course, im one of the noobs.
and noob eunice almost left her bio notes in school today and she rushed back to school when she was going home halfway cos it will be a straight game over if she didnt have her notes with her. when there's a bio test tmr. haha.
22:39
18 April 2006
我很乱。
不明白为什么噩梦老是回来？都这么多年了，他们说该忘应该忘了。
你一直说你明白，你明白什么？你没看到我所看到的。你不是我。你不会最近每晚都因为它而惊醒。
你没看到她的挣扎。你不像我，站在那里，多想帮她一把，可是无能为力。
人家说家人会了解的。我怀疑。你们也证明给我看。你真的不明白。
我不是在开玩笑。
“怎么会梦到死亡”
我也不想。 21:47
17 April 2006
hmm. it didnt seem like a very good start to a new week. =x cant be any good when there are so many tests awaiting. and it didnt help when i was stuck in this traffic jam for who-knows-how-long. apparently some tree fell at clement road and jammed the entire place. it took about about half an hour for the bus to reach sixth avenue from school. ... so started walking from sixth avenue to the shell bus stop with hongfei and liangcheng. hahaha. it's so horrible cos its so far and now my legs are very very tired.
okay. im tired. -.-
is there a day i wont say this? hmm. i dont think so. aizhen used to say i said that to her almost every day last year. hahaha.
dont understand why, but im getting those recurring dreams. those kind that will wake me up in the middle of the night and leave me pretty awake. cant say they are nightmares but they disturb. i think im worried when i think im not. make sense? never mind. i dont, usually.
somehow im reminded of 29 05 01. i never quite woke up from that nightmare.
bleh. 22:25
15 April 2006
this weekend doesnt feel like a weekend at all. poof. there's so many things to do and mug and its getting a lil tiring. great, i better slack a bit now to unwind, but im so pro at doing it i may end up over-doing it... ><
so dont wish upon a star;
'cause a star can only get you so far;
13:55
13 April 2006
whoo. today totally rocked. had an entire day of lessons without a break from 8 to 2. and hahah and close to the end of the day, i was almost half dead which meant that i literally stoned during econs tutorial. and i bet he knows im not listening. or did he?
but i dont know why. i get very irritated easily during his lessons and it totally spoils my mood. okay maybe because im lacking sleep recently, which is highly possible considering the amount of things that we gotta study. i'll be looking fwd to the grand arrival of week 6. meanwhile, i should just go back and REFLECT how i can be more hardworking. =p
then its the first day of sports heats this afternoon. hahah. seriously, you can derive maximum satisfaction when your class mass-spam the events xD went for 100m individual and 8x200m mixed relay. performance for both were so crappy. hahaha. expected anyway. this is eunice. and eunice is not known to be good in running. and frankly speaking, i can only manage 100m. which sounded so pathetic. but the point is, sevenfive totally rocked! hahah i think we were the only class to send 2 teams for 8x200m relay, until i think we almost face a crisis of shortage of guys. hahaha. and yes, i never say the class guys are not sporty! hahahaha. okay let's just say everyone ran well (: and senior class did well too. -congrats-
sighh. and now my thigh muscles are aching. think i desperately need to exercise more. hahah bet my napfa will be damn screwed again this year, but never mind can always train for next year's.
now. back to revision first. heh. 22:29
10 April 2006
hmm. day two of being seventeen. i guess i should just learn how to worry, yet not over-worry.
being too contented with whatever's going on now isnt the right thing to carry on, especially when we have the crazy test week coming in a few days' time. a week only consists of seven days! and this is just so horrible because im not worrying at all. eunice, can you please start worrying and plan some stuff?
ahem. what else.
1) done with pi and econs re-writeup. yay. woots! 2) thanks for the gifts today... (: 3) i enjoyed chem lecture... drastic change for the better since the previous one 4) its eleven and im going to start mugging now. heh. will probably fall asleep on my bed or something. so unproductive. 5) tmr's nyco alumni meeting. dad and mum seem reluctant to let me perform cos of blocks then, shall see what i can do tmr. =\ 22:53
09 April 2006
alright. it's my 17th birthday today.
thanks for all the great birthday wishes and songs, from the vocal version to the sms version (: they really made my day... its always nice to know that someone actually made the effort to remember your birthday. and weeloon finally tagged (: his one and only tag for my birthday.. haha. this all so rocks.
hmm, somehow 17 sounds weird, and it's really amazing and scary at the same time how fast time flies. every single birthday seems to come sooner than the previous ones and you just get older and older unknowingly.
for some reason, i think i will remember this 17th birthday in the years to come. frankly speaking i dont remember a lot of my birthdays except for the recent years, not because i have a bad memory (i do rmb certain stuffs that happen almost 10 years back), but i guess birthdays have come to mean something more to me in these past years.
i give thanks on this special day of the year. 09 april. i dont know how much i have grown, but this is where i have walked till since day one. giving thanks to every single one i have met, i dont care whether its love or pain, all the good and bad memories make what i am today. special mention to fellow sevenfivers, guess im just fortunate to have met you guys.
i have a lil birthday wish this year.
it's been a great start, can i not have anything painful this year? and i wish all happiness. (:
`happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
`happy birthday to eunice
happy birthday to me
(: i'm seventeen.
22:44
08 April 2006
this is one of the days when IT totally pisses me off. ivle's so screwed and i want to sign up for sabbaticals!
imagine its already almost four hours after the start of the application and the server is still lagging like no one's business. yes, that affinity with the blank page and that timed out message. woots. this is so horrible and freaking irritating.
whoo. it's like a jam from jurong east till pasir ris just that this time round, its the entire hwachong c1 population jamming up the ivle. and of course, exasperation.
totally spoilt my mood. =\ 19:50
07 April 2006
okay im feeling so much better because my throat isnt that painful already. and im beginning to miss my fair share of chocolate. no idea why i love chocolats, they probably make me happier and happiness is important considering the number of times i can be feeling down over a period of time.
on the other hand, maths is horrible as usual but i do like maths tutorials somehow. usually the tutorial sessions can help to start or end the day on a lighter note, hahah probably have to thank the crankiness. never mind, i shall try to kill more brain cells to do the impossible maths tutorials soon. and yeah the irritating but must-do pi draft.
okay this is random, but the kuaiban of mengdie is stuck in my head for no reason. and it keeps ringing. hmm and i havent had a co song ringing in my head for quite some time. hmm?
and yes, im still not sure what to join for the non-sports sabbaticals, think im sticking to ice skating for the sports one. maybe i'll go try mosaic art or something, working with all the tiles and yadayada. and do we need to rush to ivle to sign up tmr? poof.
science research symposium tmr morning. substituting val since i have nth to do in the morning. and its so early and that's so horrible.
simple life = happier life? the more i complicate stuff, the more troubled i find myself. and the problem is i can not let go and i dislike myself for that. what's so hard. stop thinking so much, will you? and keep the music in the room going, dont let the silence at home bother. 22:13
05 April 2006
at this rate, i think im going to fall sick pretty soon. have been having sore throat on and off which i didnt care most of the time. and im not getting enough sleep (this one i dont know why, it just seems that im really good at wasting time). and yeahh left my wallet on the bus just now and walked home only to find myself caught in the rain. it was so huge that i totally didnt feel like running, because it couldnt have made a difference. and something in the rain went into my left eye and it hurts now. urgh. at least its comforting to know that my wallet is safe with jiangchuan and stella.
...
sometimes i wish i could be blunter. i wish i could just heck care. samantha msged me something last night - "it's time to let go of all that's hurting you" how true, but it's just so hard to do it at the same time. and i just didnt know how. i guess over the years, i gradually become someone who doesnt trust easily and if i do, i trust the person wholeheartedly. which probably makes things worse. because any form of betrayal stabs hard. and they say sensitivity is good, and i tell you it brings a hell lot of helplessness.
i see a lot of things happening around me and i dont say it out loud, because i know somehow certain observations will just evoke a response like "what's your problem" when we dont see it, we dont see it. and whoever sees it is worrying too much.
to some extent, i should give thanks because there are people in class who i can share thoughts with. im actually willing to share. surprisingly.. after keeping quiet for the last two years. i think it all boils down to how much i feel for something i guess.
hmm. what's my problem here? 22:21
03 April 2006
i think i'll be doing myself a great favour if i can just pick up and go and stop giving myself questions. all the self-doubting. and the worrying-for-nothing times. life is actually quite good, provided that i dont give myself too much trouble. im always creating them myself.
weird me.
anyway, i got quite a bad sore throat since stj and im so glad that i bought a pack of lozenges after school, if not i think i would have lost my voice totally when i came back from school just now. but the throat still hurts. =( shall make myself more honey drink later. ahh crap, hope i get well and i can save the trip to the doc. =x
maths is still so confusing. >< sighh the lectures aint working for me because after each time, i leave the auditorium feeling more confused till i dont want to think anymore and feel like chucking the notes aside. blehh. this sounds bad. i need to have a better attitude. (okay this reminds me of mrs foo's lecturing during bio today -.- ) gah.
never mind, i shall still faithfully go and revise some other stuff.
and have an earlier night sleep. hurhur. 22:22
02 April 2006
hmm.. cheeyang won the campus superstar and i think he rocked the house down tonight (: hahah. idol =D
but i think the entire afternoon i was trying to distract myself again, with project work which totally pissed me off and a lot of other things. things dont sound good whenever i need to distract myself.
there's a reason why i appear offline more often than usual now. there's a reason why i find myself an excuse to stay away.
whenever i see you online, im reminded of the fact that i cant let go. we can still talk crap like before but i know the feeling is never the same. you have your own life and i have mine. eight months ago, we cried because we couldnt let go, but eight months later, it seems to me that the memories are fading away fast and you have moved on and im still there.
and i couldnt talk to you online just now. i couldnt bear to. somehow i thought i should have let go from then and you know, move on with life, meet new people and yeah start anew. i dont know. maybe you are too much like a sister and a sister never leaves, somehow. but its dumb to hold on because in a few months' time, we would have lost what binded us together. where do we go after that?
its weird because im not supposed to feel so attached to you given the normal circumstances. as in... there are ppl that im supposed to feel more attached to, but yet i think im drifting further from them. each time i go back, i dont feel the sense of belonging anymore and it scares me a little. familiar faces turn unfamiliar all of a sudden.
