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30 May 2006

im tired. i want to catch a lil more sleep. on the computer table lies my econs tutorial - those freaking pieces of paper. pardon me if i curse, but damn. econs tmr. urgh. and nothing but something very unappealing to me.

but well, i guess these few days are really worth the lethargy cos things like that probably happen once in a lifetime and the experience i bring back with me is simply unique. and yes, im back from ubin, safely in one piece.

apollo camp 270506 - 290506
think this camping experience is a lil different from prev camps i had before, cos its seriously nothing too tiring. not-too-bad an environment, enthu and great company from fellow sevenfivers, the things that we had gone through together. guess there are people out there who dont like this camp at all, but i guess its really about the people and that experience. and the attitude. no point guessing, sevenfive made this camp worth remembering ((:

let's see what i will remember...

there were 17 of us. it's a lil pity that not all of us can join for the camp though =\ avis totally rocked big time ((: we were enthu, we were fun, we were sianned and tired at times, and we learn to understand each other a lil better (:

cassandra - our nice and friendly and pretty trainer. one important thing, she does not despise us. though sometimes she can be a lil inflexible, but ah well, at least she has her friendliness to compensate and everything. smile- cass and her "avis, OI!"

speaking about this OI OI thing, all the trainers literally do the "_________,OI..." to catch our attention which became a little irritating near the end of the camp, maybe they should try to invent more phrases. >< cos in the end, the last thing we want is the trainers treating us as idiots to make us repeat after them like brainless fools.

food (: was surprisingly very edible and in fact at times better than canteen food i think. and the great thing they could provide us was piping HOT milo. nothing beats that in the cold nights. and of course the initial smuggling of food, and eating those sugar biscuits in a wonderful place called the shower toilet. HAHA. and the outdoor cooking. xD the sausages that saved our stomaches, the crunchy potatoes with that raw smell, the hard but alright carrots and the inedible onions. oh and i've got a big blister on my big toe and two small ones on my second toe from the fire sparks that flew. =
the not-so-waterproof tent. tent was wet on day one so i went with wet clothes on that day. gotta apologise if i whined a lil too much about that, was just fuming at myself. ack. and i so cant sleep in a tent cos i cant stand the moist inside and it gave me headaches. tried sleeping outside on the second night but couldnt stand the cold in the middle of the night and had to retreat back into the tent. and the bottom that seeped water so we end up waking with our shirts and shorts wet. and our tent stinked cos of the wet clothes. okay and yueqi's and my wet bags xD shared tent with yueqi, sophia, shueli and siyun. (: and siyun literally tossed and turned when she sleeps. hoho.

our ice kachang song (: and of course the "bom x9 shalala"

our makansutra.
very very
hungry hungry
very hungry
hungry very
chikalaka pi-a pi-a x2
JIA!


the obstacles (:

first of all. tcp! team challenge pyramid was really a challenge. 8-storey high stucture where we have to go through 13 obstacles to reach the top before doing a finale flying fox down. its truly a great challenge for me cos i think im the most unsteady in class considering i seriously have a phobia for heights and a poor sense of balance. its been a miracle i managed to pull through the entire thing. and of course, with great team one! which comprised of reihorng, yingchern, me and kityeng! thanks loads you guys really rock! HAHA. rei horng's super duper steady. like tai4shan1. hehh. without those encouragements in the air, i think i'll just die worrying on the spot. and of course, fellow 75ers who encouraged me along too ((: the log obstacle and the step of faith were the scariest i think =x not to mention the loose tile i grabbed during the rock climbing section. zzz. anyway, great job everyone ((:

acid rain; zig-zag balance; tyre thingy; mission impossible; rafting
i guess these activities really served as good bonding.. not to mention at times you really wish there were more ppl around... take rafting for example, you see people getting stressed during the building of the raft but cant help much cos there are 3 or 4 ppl who know how to tie proper knots.

this camp is truly a pleasant experience. ((: and there were at times, really real mental challenges for me. like the tcp. dont know whether its just me or what, but i made a lil interesting observation during the camp... hahah. it seems as though the girls are the ones making decisions in class, but well, the guys do rise up to the occasion i guess (: and they can be quite gentlemanly if they want to, haha (okay wait, that's not a praise, before they get ego or sth) and sevenfive makes a great group to be with.

chaota tanned and voiceless `eunice signing off.

29th may passed just like that. im surprised i stayed strong throughout the day. its been years and for once i managed to hold back my tears. this is another reason why i needed to sleep outside that night. i needed the time to do some reasoning. and im glad i did. and its truly a better year. dont know how well im taking this, but at least its a lil better than prev years.

a good start. serious.

23:28

26 May 2006

friday.

end of sabbaticals today...nothing much very interesting happened during the mosaic art module. as expected, we did cementing and it was a lil messy and some of my tiles dropped out. so much for the "i-wanna-squeeze-this-tile-into-that-small-space" -.-

shall link the photos taken some day else ((:

had co just now. HAHA. played jixingxiaoqu with the piano accompaniment for the first time. it sounded so cute with it and now the song's more enjoyable now xD that extra surge of motivation. HAHA.

anyway, will be leaving for apollo camp from tomorrow till mon. so till then, farewell (:
i will have fun i think. i hope.

im back to my random self.

23:25

25 May 2006

saw something from deviantart just now.

every day is a hate/love relationship.

learn to love; learn to hate. im not sure about the latter though. but in the end if everything's alright, then its alright. if not, maybe its not the end yet.

so its not the end yet. and yes, tomorrow is always better, and yupp, its much better today alr. so perhaps it will be even better tmr. ((:

anyway we started on our mosaic art module for sabbaticals today. totally missed ice skating, missed being on ice, missed the fun and interactions. did a design and tiling it on a board. its all solo work, oh wells. and warning: you seriously need tons of patience and precision, plus steady fingers to do the tiling well.

things that can exasperate you during mosaic art
1) you end up cutting the tiles into small shapes that turn out to be nothing like what you wanted
2) you get the shape you want, and that tile sprang off as you cut with the plier and you cant find it back
3) racking your brain how to fill up the little holes between the tiles which are so ugly

things that can make you feel a lil happier during mosaic art
1) you learn a new form of craft
2) the outcome will look nice if you do the design and the tiling properly

point 2 of the above, not tested and proven yet.

sighh. im tired. and my cough is getting worse.

anyway. happy birthday wahtoon ^^

21:47

24 May 2006

i was pretty much distracted today. not distractions though, just that distraction.

they say distractions are there for some reason, either to wake you up so you wont get so engrossed in whatever you are doing and forget the other essentials, or for you to get a breather. i think they all scammed me.

they forgot that there are two kinds of distractions - one that can make you laugh, and another you will rather forget no matter what happens.

i was distracted everywhere. in the canteen, at the class bench, in the high school audi, in the lt. i think at some points of time i was just reacting weirdly. not within my own comprehension. knew i shouldnt get distracted during dazu, it aint a good time and place. but im really sorry i couldnt help it at all. i didnt want to remember every single crap that i've been trying so hard to throw into the toilet bowl and flush them away.

they all didnt work. and now i dont know what to do except to wait for see what happens. im waiting for years alr, unfortunately.

5 more days.

just a random question. is there really something im truly capable of?

for now, at least. i know i cant handle flashbacks. and myself.

23:27

23 May 2006

okayy, im declaring ice skating really rocks big time ((:

and im so proud to announce that i only fell twice today and that was less than what i fell yesterday. but the 2nd one was retarded cos i fell les than 5 sec aft yueqi fell and hit my head on the hard ice. you literally stand up to feel the world spinning. thank goodness i didnt get a concussion or something. but i could skate so much faster today... hahah but at the end of the thing, my left ankle kind of gave way and i could no longer keep my left blade real straight. and the juke box was playing today, and its fun cos you can skate faster to certain songs. ((:

hahah, oh yah, get well soon to chris seah. hahah. his poor butt.

and our coach is damn cute, nice, friendly and patient. haha. but its damn scary when he holds my hand and starts to pull and my skates are going super duper fast. ah well. in the end, i still cant brake in the proper way. XD wells, im just super glad i managed to get into ice skating run, cos its really fun (: though now my feet hurt. and there are invisible bruises on the shin that hurt cos of the skates that almost cut off ventilation.

okayy now im hoping that the mosaic art workshop on thurs and fri is going to be fun too. XD nonetheless, glad to be in the company of the iceskate gang - sam, val, yueqi, soph, chris and ivan ((:

back to rants. singtel internet connection totally screws things up. im disconnected for so many times, more than 10 times in a night... and not to mention sometimes msn screws up as well. and im getting a lil pissed. oh maybe its the wireless thingy, perhaps the router is mad. and its trying to drive me mad as well.

there's normal school tmr. i better go to bed before i cant wake up. hehh.

23:28

22 May 2006

more updates ((:

sunday
so the quest began to find an appropriate blouse and pair of pants for concert attire. and the common mindset would be, since eunice is skinny, there shouldnt be a problem anyway. and i thought so too. went jurong point since parents wanna go jurong, and there are soooo many shops and the blouses were either too tight at the shoulder, too tight at the elbow even when they fitted nicely elsewhere. poof. oh some were too short too. x( jurong point just didnt want me as a customer! so went over to lot 1 and aft walking, the final hope was seiyu. and guess what. it's only 1 pathetic blouse that i can actually fit into! HA. FINALLY after the entire afternn. at least now i finished buying everything. >< and can stop fuming. haha.

shopping is only fun when its leisure shopping. and you dont feel the exasperation when you cant get something you needed.

today
sabbaticals start today! ((: hahaha woke up this morning with this wonderful holiday mood, no more school and somehow you just have the feeling that the tutorials can wait till concert's over. hehh. its that kind of day when i can slow down and do things i like, finished designing this desktop pic. HAHA.

going to jurong east was kind of retarded because i was early at the cck mrt station and ended up missing the train which val and sam were on. -.- ended up random sms-ing, hahaha anyway i have tons of sms to waste which explains why i random sms a lot near the end of the month.

anyway ice skating seriously rocks and i should be proud of myself really cos at least now i could skate a little, rather than zilch in the past. chris seah and ivan are damn good XD and chris kept overtaking!!! zzz. and yueqi learnt super fast, first-time skater and she is quite good too. (: oh yes, let me announce, eunice fell a grand total of THREE times at the skating rink! hahah twice, coincidentally with the presence of ivan. HAHA. and the third one, my apologies go to yueqi, because i pulled her down as i fell. sorry, girl! well, the ice was really wet so the pants and gloves were soaked whenever i fell. heh and i realised i get distracted whenever anyone around me falls. -.-

let's see, i shall try to go a lil faster tmr and hopefully keep my left blade straighter. ((: but back to now, my feet ache and my left ankle's a lil painful. but heck. XD ice skating still rocks! hees.

still waiting for sophia to upload pics. (: and guess what. im back to mapling again. omg.

22:46

20 May 2006

okay great, school is officially over for term2. sabbaticals are considered holidays. hurhur. (: but wells, i guess the hecticness wont stop here, probably a lil different from the normal schoolday-style. sabbaticals next week, apollo fac camp next weekend and concert is next next sun! o.O

and wells, its a real farewell to miss tan, miss ho and miss wong. ): cos afterall its 5 months together and suddenly all of them disappear and by the next time we have lessons, its new faces again and a hell lot of adapting. miss tan is right in her message in the sense that everything's still gonna be fine after all, the clock continues ticking and we have to move on. cant always be seventeen. 不能永远保持现状

ohhh and i had a very strange feeling yesterday during lunch break. i saw a familiar face in the canteen, like a face i've seen a few years back. that dark-rimmed specs and i wonder where i had seen it before. okayy a lot of ppl are wearing dark rimmed specs -.- but just THAT one. but i just cant remember.

so much about the mind, i was looking at the calendar last night. and i thought about a lot of things. it's coming soon. i dont know, but i cant stop but remind myself that. it's been so many years.

but everytime i remember it.

i remember how helpless i was when she's gone.

no matter how much i screamed she will never come back.

and hopefully this year, the hecticness can let me have a grip over myself. and learn to let go.

09:31

18 May 2006

okay my headache and fever is gone, but well the nose just wont stop. =x thought it was much better in school and once i reached home, under the miraculous ceiling fan or something, im having runny nose since dinner. now my nose feels like crap.

AHH. i so want to get well soon. and im drinking tons of water till i feel so bloated.

i passed my chem miraculously and failed my bio as expected. i should be happy that i can get 11/30 when i only filled in 14 marks worth of answers. but well, for chem all the mcq answers that i randomly filled in were all wrong. just my luck. not even a minute chance for me to tyco. heh.

and i seriously dont think dad and mum can come to terms with such grades, well i've failed bio twice in a row. not studied hard enough? hmm. i have no idea. maybe i should have revised more. =p

miss ho, miss wong and miss tan are leaving :( time really flies and all these j3 teachers gotta leave, but frankly speaking, i think there are people around to deserve to leave more than they do. ah. oh man, i will miss them like mad. they've been such a cool bunch of people to have around, especially miss tan. and now sevenfive is like facing this new-teacher-crisis. miss soh is taking over for bio though, she seems quite nice just appears to be a little slow. hmm shall see how next term. and mr ng is weird. where's mrs yap? i want her back as our maths teacher! =.=

okay my random thoughts kind of stopped cos im tired. from all the sneezing and sweating. what the. goodnight folks.

22:36

17 May 2006

im sick :(

woke up with a terrible throat which didnt get better until like now. think it feels more comfortable but my voice is still kind of gone. then came the blocked nose, runny nose and the sniffs and sneezes. and the headache. urgh.

i think the doctor scammed me. no freakin mc and i was kind of groggy just now so i forgot to ask for one. okay he cheated my feelings and money! but anyway thanks for yueqi and sophia for sending me all the way to the bus stop just now and pei-ing me to wait for my bus. (:

sigh this is definitely not the way to end a school term. ack! and the timing for the ice skating sabbaticals just rocked! -.- 1.30pm to 7.30pm or is it one hour earlier? hmph!

when did that smile become a frown? or was it a smile right from a start, and i was just so blinded not to have realised it? i dont know, but i just have the feeling of everything reverting to their old selves. and im not going to lose myself amidst seeing so many sides of you.

20:34

15 May 2006

i knew it. i so expected myself to fail chemistry and yes im going to fail it. feeling kind of apathetic now, but wells, at some point during the test i thought i wasted my life mugging for chem bonding (those pdpd and idid). i skipped all stoichio questions and spammed random letters for my mcq that i have left blank.

im so going to mug hard for my blocks cos i dont feel like producing more crap. but anyway, bio spa is tmr and i have no intentions of touching it now. zzz.

got tagged by xiaowei so im doing this to waste more time.

INSTRUCTIONS.
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment at their blogs.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is no need to do this AGAIN.
5. The most impt rule: have fun doing it.

okay must a guy.
#1 he has to be understanding and accepts who i am
#2 he has to be fun-loving
#3 he has to be supportive
#4 he has to have a nice sense of humour
#5 it will be nice if he can be committed to the stuff he does
#6 he must not be chauvinistic.
#7 he must know me well enough
#8 he has his own views, not a pushover or anything

hahah it will be a bonus if that person is sensitive.

if you see my tag. you got it! (:

zzz. shall reply tags as well.

val: hahah you said it and pls dont come running after me with a chopper

iamburpy: i think too much and you stop being an extremist! heh and dont bully your random senior. grr.

samantha: yeah 75 and apollo rock!

minnie: haha thanks, and what's up with the 'erps' ppl? XD

feL: really? wells we are all sevenfive! hahah maybe our juniors will do the same. heh.

wanga: i didnt cos i was busy cheering. hahahaha. oh man, i wanna see ho.

Doomed FREAKZ: dont worry i think im getting zero for it. oh maybe 1 mark. chemistry test is over (:

-see i wasted a lot of time.

now i better go look at bio.

22:13

14 May 2006

just a short note:

chem is crap. and im crammed. zzz. and why do we deal with numbers even for chemistry?

and my tutorials are playing hide and seek with me and im losing.

18:31

12 May 2006

gah blogger's kind of screwed so i end up posting two entries even they are done at two different times.

i was on a long car trip home about an hour ago, the feeling was just right and its that kind of expressway where you can just see the lamp posts pass by one after another.

i realise how dumb i was because all along, its me who is depriving myself of chances. the reason i was always feeling quite sore over that incident was that i refuse to get over it. you've got over it already. but not me. im still thinking about it. in a sense, im so glad i took the bus with you on wednesday because at least i have confidence of really starting anew. all these while, no matter how bad i feel, everytime i find myself avoiding it cos im just afraid that the bad memories of those days will just surface. how foolish i am. "just forget it" it came from you and you smiled.

that's a closure.
now i really see a new beginning. apart from the one i promise at the start of the year.

i thank you.

22:06


back for more updates, think this week is kinda packed in some sense. and before that here's something. i am from apollo and a sevenfiver (: and that rocks. HAHA.

wednesday
went back to school after cramming for econs and maths. think i scewed both tests as usual (econs is not supposed to be that bad, but apparently, my memory failed me at the wrong time at the wrong question) and maths can be legendary. for once a 45-min paper seemed so long because there's nothing i can write down that made sense. so i handed in nonsense. ohh man, for once can i work hard and pass chem when they say the paper's gonna be tough? and anyway, it was co election speeches again after school. my speech was so random because in the first place, i never quite succeeded in piecing together the many random thoughts. so by the time im standing there, they are all new random thoughts. hah. at least, i've tried it.

thursday
sports meet. apollo totally rocked big time and yes its that yellow fac. haha. cheered like nuts and great now my throat hurts kinda badly but why not its worthwhile. (: can still rmb how apollo was so quiet initially haha, but we got better and louder in the second half of the event.
why are we so pro;
we are apollo;
and apollo won double champs! whoo. (: great runs and great cheering in the end. hahaha. then went venezia for icecream, oh mann that was so sinful and i feel so bad for my wallet. [okay if i ever run out of money again next week, i only have myself to blame.] then val, chris seah and me had no place to go after that cos we didnt want to go home and nice simon allows us to crash his house. haha. his neighbourhood is like a maze. thousand of "lentor-something" and we passed his house without realising it. HAHA. so we literally rotted at his house, okayy i did. cos i was the slackest there. and i think simon's mum is really nice.. XD
then its was fac outing. hahaha sevenfive almost full attendance and seriously its kind of weird to see some classes not even appearing. hmm.
congrats to robert and yuting for winning fac prince and princess. (:
had loads to laugh about last evening. so it was about fun yesterday.
what's up next?

10:38

09 May 2006

this is what happens when you put shawn and eunice together on a msn conversation. 2 random people being their random selves, talking about thousand and one random things with loads of random exclamation. but its really entertaining and it kinda brightens the night up.

trust me, it aint funny when you are trying to cram econs and maths into the unwilling head. plus the fact that i was pretty much distracted the entire afternoon, my train of thoughts just brought me everywhere except the mugging part.

think too much?
anyway, any sevenfivers around, pls support my brilliant random idea at the class blog. (:

21:06

08 May 2006

day one out of the two official school days this week. just a pretty normal school day, seems to have become something like a routine lately. not exactly a very good thing, because it will be damn bad if we are living as though tomorrow is just like today. no hope, no aim. we stay put and the world moves on.

chem spa was kinda alright i suppose (shall not complain otherwise someone will come running after me with a chopper or sth) managed to get a decent number at the last minute. but well... econs, maths and chem tests that are coming are so gonna be a pain. pfft. and co, still like that. still kinda worrying. the only thing is that time is running fast. x( and i would very much like to go for the faculty camp. T.T i mean its only in j1 do we get the time to do such things and enjoy as much of college life as possible. but concert's nearing too. sighh.

anyway, some thoughts were triggered by a nice hour-long phone call just now. sometimes i just wonder, how come at some point of time, when we clearly know that something we do or say is going to create awkwardness, yet we still choose to mention it. no doubt by the end of everything, we will all say that "hey that's unintentional" but what about the subtle changes that happened during the process? what gets compromised? is it ever fair?

samantha says im a very neutral person. am i? hahah, i dont know. i know myself as someone rather emotional, but im just too scared to hurt. who knows what will happen if emotions run wild and we can no longer control them? why condemn? why label? why not give that person a chance, to prove him or herself?

im giving myself a chance to know the other side of you.

22:39

07 May 2006

this weekend seemed kinda short, was rather tired and i literally slept through today. woke up late and took a nap. pfft. sleepyhead in action again.

been out for the entire of yesterday (: went to school to paint the concert banner which was rather fun i think. haha, think bonding works better that way =p liked the yellow and orange 黄钟大吕 character and the way we zhammed to make the random strokes. hahh and im very impressed by the 'correction fluid' paint. okayy, the banner just rocked ((: but now my thighs ache a bit cos of the squating yesterday, poof which implies im lacking exercise again.

then went home at 4 plus, bathed and rushed to meet siyun they all for band concert. hahahah band concert was quite enjoyable i guess, yeah, been ages since i last went for a band concert. and okayy, dumb and slow eunice was feeling super 'bright' during the band concert.. hahah how come no one told me. hmph!

oh so anw, went home last night to find everyone so hyped up over the elections thingy. =.= hahaha, so in the end, my brother didnt get to vote afterall, cos my block is under holland bt timah which is a walkover grc instead of bt panjang. XD just one road away! but the results were so expected though i was a little surprised by amk grc's results.

so back to being a nice student under the education system, i have a chem spa, a maths assessment and an econs test this coming week in 2 official school days, plus a sports meet, a faculty outing (: and another public holiday.

how interesting. -.-

i think i found back something. it's just a wonder how something can just spark off a series of enlightenment and come to think of it i was searching for that high and low just a while ago.

i was actually smiling.

18:19

05 May 2006

today was hcco exco elections, okay day one. there were a couple of really genuine speeches that touched me. but frankly speaking, when there are ppl out there who im not even familiar with, i guess i was looking out for sincerity. hmm. dont know why, but i kind of went home with loads of random thoughts. sitting on the lt seat, i was listening, and what i heard really made me think. about co. about nyco. about me.

guess i never really declare this before, but co does hold a really special place in my heart. i used to doubt it sometimes, but perhaps not so anymore. i guess in my four years, i experienced quite a bit, both the good and the bad. the good memories that at times, i would very much want to relive and the bad memories that i will never forget cos they were there for a reason, to remind me not to repeat the same freaking mistake i have made and regretted. esp my last year, it had been an ultra super bumpy yet fulfiling year.

think i never gave myself a closure for this, shall just do it now since im thinking about it so much just now, but serving my term as a sl last year was really a roller coaster ride. stress was faced, had to overcome, had to lead and of course mistakes were made. i can still remember i was really stressed cos i felt that i could not help the section much in terms of skills. till now, i still regret, and what i can be glad of is that the juniors were really self-motivated and you guys never know how much im so proud of you guys and yeahh somemore you ppl are in good hands. mr lee is really a good instructor. and i rmb, the times with juniors wanting to quit, getting them to stay, seeing them love the co day by day, my conflict with xiaowei that surfaced, syf and everything. everything that taught me to draw mental strength from within. i can still rmb that fateful day that i broke down at kwong wai shiu hospital during cca cip last yr(i know its a weird time and place) but that was a painful but essential realisation. communication and interaction ARE important. at that pt of time, i failed to do so or rather was kinda oblivious. i apologised and still apologise. xiaowei, if you ever read this, im really sorry. but i've learnt. i guess its always when you finally stood up from that fall, will you then find that love for something overwhelming. same thing when you climb a mountain, after the bumpy climb, things get better, and we all enjoy that beautiful sunset together. and i guess that's probably why i always feel bonded to ny only through nyco.

co changed me. without it, i guess im not the eunice i am today. it made me stronger. it made me realise there's something that i feel for. its something more than just a cca.
and yeah. interesting how elections spark off such thoughts. hahaha. and i havent given my speech yet. =p bet it will still be kinda random. im just such a random person.

on a side note, today was great cos it was a slack day in school and we had an hour and 45 min of captain's ball. which totally rocked. but my shoulder still hurts from that bad knock, ah there's a bruise x( ah wells.

haha tmr still have to go to school to paint concert banner. =D


22:06

02 May 2006

robert sent an email that sparked off some thoughts.

"it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's over. "

tried to get over it. never got over it. will still keep trying getting over it. its just amazing how cruel the mind can be, to keep reminding me again and again of stuff i would rather forget. or will i forget? i dont think i will, because without it, it would not have been the same eunice im seeing everyday... there are probably things that i wont treasure so much, even the little mundane details, because true enough, i lost something then. that's why im holding dear to everything i have now. haha maybe i owe my so-called sensitivity to that incident.

but somehow i just have the gut feeling that it's not about forgetting. its hard to forget such a scene, but rather its about getting over it. half of me wants to share this little story i have with someone, but yet the other half of me tells me that im not ready. for a good five years, i havent told anyone. things are getting better lately. i dont know, maybe i should just leave it the way it is and see what happens.

meanwhile im not going to shortchange myself and am going to make this period of life the fullest i can. because you taught me that.

21:23

01 May 2006

突然发现,今天是五月一日了。想来真的有点可怕,因为时间怎么过得那么快。想抓住的抓不着;想忘掉的还是忘不了。每天这样子过,昨天成为今天的历史,今天又是明天的昨天。那么,到了最后,我到底做了些什么?有什么值得留恋的?有什么值得骄傲?又做了些什么自己不该做的事情?

是时候拿个大石头把自己压下来,不要再那么飘浮不定了,好吗?毕竟,五个月就这样过去,搞不好两年也就这样飞走了。不能犹豫不决了,因为会错失很多机会,而机会又不是每天都会从天上掉下来的。

还有,从今天起,不准再那么麻木了,要学会去“用心”。我宁可多一些紧张,少一些冷静。什么都无所谓,什么都OK,到头来吃亏的是自己。以前的麻木,现在应该不需要了吧?因为就算是梦,它一直还是个美梦。

14:01


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