got myself a new computer today since the old one had decided to go for its retirement by going on permanent performance strike. the new pc looks and feels sleek (: and eunice is a happy girl. and it better works well and long like the previous one.
oh wells, just checked the class blog just now and saw tons of work. was kind of a mood dampener sigh. but i suppose, post prelims period isnt meant to be easy anyway, especially when all my results equate to much crap haha.
know where to draw strength from and breathe and move on.
it just dawned on me that sometimes waiting isnt an option anymore. why am i choosing something that is not even on my plate?
stubbornness. 22:18
26 September 2007
im back after many days of absence, all thanks to this bout of virus that kind of froze my computer up. oh wells so now the computer is pretty much empty with all my softwares deleted from the reformatting. and oh yeah thanks to jiexun who helped me with the formatting (: but im still figuring out why i cant really install stuff i've downloaded. what the heck is the windows installer? any IT pro around to enlighten me?
IT idiots shall remain as IT idiots. heh.
anyway im halfway done with the collection of my prelims paper and as anticipated, they were far from satisfactory. gp was a disappointment though. and i would say im not a favourable position for my other subjects right now as well. i cant help but start being a bit worried about what has to come this coming month before the national exam. hmmm. we'll see how. it's time to be extremely hardworking, and hopefully it's not too late.
hmmm i think i really need a good talk with someone to sort out all these chunks of thoughts in my head. they havent been making sense for a while already and time never waits as usual. i wonder where it goes. 21:14
21 September 2007
just now i took out my sec one lit text and decided to flip it through again. the effect of gamma rays on man-in-the-moon marigolds. (: thought it was quite a nice easy read considering it was really relatively short. and i appreciated it so much more now than when i was a sec one noob. now that i think about it, i dont think i ever read the book thoroughly once before, which explained why i could never do well then. hmm, as i read, the character of beatrice just pains me, interestingly.
sometimes the world is so cruel till we hide away from reality. until we believe that the imagined reality is the true reality. i hid then. but now hiding doesnt sound like a good option anymore. there are better ones around really.
my blog entries are getting randomised, disorganised and distorted.
but i dont think its reflective of my mood at the moment. being organised never quite describes me.
and on a side and random note, i've found out my love language during caregroup. true enough, quality time beats everything else. and explains a lot of conflicts that are happening in me.
and i shall continue to ponder. 23:39
20 September 2007
prelims are finally over. hmmm i would say if i sit back and think, there's nothing to be proud of really. and especially so when im expecting atrocious results anyway. so i shall slowly gear myself up for something big. (:
like do maths everyday (i'll need a lot of determination for that)
but i still give thanks to the encouragements given during the exam period. really saw me through, especially during the middle weekend when i was down and didnt want to study at all and when i was feeling sick heh.
so give it a little break for a few days, like doodling at facebook and watching dramas and reading a nice book.
it will not be too far when i'll need to pick up and go again. 23:30
18 September 2007
why people fight and quarrel, whatever reason there is, one of them must be the reluctance to look at things from another perspective, especially one from the other party. the idea of refusing to lose because we are always right and the other party is always wrong. why sometimes i fight and sulk and get pissed at people around me, i guess that was partly the culprit as well.
so open up my heart.
there must be a reason to let me witness that quarrel that amused me more than it worried me.
maybe some other day, when i quarrel with someone else, another person will find it hilarious as well. hilariously stupid.
let's not be dumb people. argh. 21:44
17 September 2007
caregroup at d marquee during anniversary (:
sevenfive with everyone (:
and a pretty sky conjured (:
breathe and count my blessings. life will be too sad if we keep counting those that we have missed out. because by doing so, arent we missing out something outside already?
and now im only missing pictures of good food. with good company.
20:35
16 September 2007
happy belated birthday Hope (: even when its been less than a year that i have joined, but thanks for making these few months a good walk with you.
and i definitely must learn to give thanks and praise to even during periods of trials. everyone knows how to thank when the times are good and cheery and when the clouds on the sky always look like cotton balls no matter when we look at it. but i want to learn to be someone who give thanks even when the sky isnt pretty anymore and when things are bleak. things can be tough, but make me tougher.
anyway maf last night was alright i suppose. considering that most of the class decided to have a reunion with the notes haha, and suet was nice enough to be my date. haha. funny how we hid behind the fourth storey's railings and sang the school songs, and rushed down to do the mass dances (: many thanks to the night's company and yupp plus the company at kap after that cos i needed dinner. you're a joy really.
and today's my turn to enjoy my notes.
dont look behind.
p.s. you inspired me again without your knowledge. 10:32
13 September 2007
prelims? seems like it hasnt been going well for the past few papers. and i swear that the bio paper totally sucked away all my energy because i went home feeling giddy from a lack of sleep and glucose. too much respiration? o.o
and of course i dont have to elaborate how bio went.
i just want to sleep now but i just cant. im so glad its close to the end of the week already, a few more days of exam consecutively i think i will just die.
breathe and the math monster will die tmr. because i refuse to die.
(: jiayou. 14:31
11 September 2007
2 and 1/3 paper down with econs over yesterday and chem paper three today.
my attempt to spot topics for free response totally backfired because all the questions had different topics lumped today. those extra chem revision booklets scammed me with the past year questions.
and sometimes it just feels as though all the studying are in vain heh whenever i look at a paper and stone. but what to do but convince myself that it will not be in the end. prelims are not the end of everything isnt it. and meanwhile hope desperately that with practice, As will not be like that.
and if they are all telling me that what you had in mind was my interests and its just that i fail to see it, i rather you do another way because i cant press on that much if you have forgotten that i have my own pride and feelings. why cant i be like him? simple, because im not another individual. 13:19
09 September 2007
the next two weeks, into your hands i entrust.
only in you, then i truly remember what im studying for. not just for those unhappy episodes to go away. though i still hope that there will be a day when i see that nod of approval.
meanwhile, i'll breathe and walk into that battlefield.
(and i hope the stupid flu will be gone by the time i wake up tomorrow morning. because i think the flu medicine is too strong for my liking.)
... 21:22
07 September 2007
chanced upon an interesting reading just now - a broken heart, is by far better than a heart of stone. because when we reach an abyss of hopelessness and despair, and there's no possible way that we know or are capable of handling the situation, the only bridge to bring us across is faith.
and really, i think i feel more human now. i cry or tear more now, but that doesnt mean im weaker i suppose. there just isnt a need for pretence in front of you.
on a side note, went to watch ratatouille with fungmin and qinpei this afternoon. would say its really a good movie (: some parts of the movie were really sweet and cute, best cure for revision fatigue. if anyone can cook, what's impossible is only limited by the human imagination isnt it?
but im pretty sure that blue rat and good company made my day today (:
oh, and facebook is surprisingly interesting. so maybe i'll say goodbye to friendster and say hello to facebook HAHA. and in the meantime, let me poke or wave or someone first or turn someone into a vampire. grr. 22:27
06 September 2007
im reminded strongly about thanksgiving and surrendering thoroughly today.
because i know, i still have doors locked inside the room of my life. and i think i lost the key. is it ever possible? heh.
help me help me help me.
random note, maybe i should do a collage of cloud pictures soon. i have quite a few pretty ones in possession (: yayness. they cheer me up when studying looks bad. 00:08
04 September 2007
this picture moves me a lot. when i took it, this isnt the intended effect but it reminds me of light amidst chaos. haha.
there's something beyond the clouds.
23:37
03 September 2007
you need both blessings and difficulties, because one without the other is neither. you dont realise how much you have until you dont have it anymore. and of course, you need the obstacles to know whats comfort during better times.
how true.
sometimes i already cannot tell whether im stressed or not. maybe sometimes i am, and sometimes im not. a part of me wants to fight this out to prove to you. but another part sees no point in fighting.
but whatever it is, before i figure that out myself, i shall seek joy with each passing day, especially amidst all the crazy studying.
and studying at the reading room was quite productive. (: just that im always running out of time. haha.
marching bands of manhattan.
if i could open my arms
and span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
i'd bring it to where you are
making a lake of the East River and Hudson
if I could open my mouth
wide enough for a marching band to march out
they would make your name sing
and bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.
i wish we could open our eyes
to see in all directions at the same time
oh what a beautiful view
if you were never aware of what was around you
and it is true what you said
that I live like a hermit in my own head
but when the sun shines again
i'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.
sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
but while you debate half empty or half full
it slowly rises, your love is gonna drown
21:16
01 September 2007
whoever said tears can be controlled must be crapping big time.
today it just hit me that i was really insecure in my identity in you. and its really scary how insecurity, discouragement, and the pain can make my self confidence level an all-time low. and how logical is it to protect myself from more pain and criticism by retorting something mean back.
it's really true when they say those you love the most hurt you the most.
but i really dont want to continue like that. help me start anew. fix those pieces inside and tear those tears and we can move on from here. so with arms high and heart abandoned, im making a pact that i want to change whatever it is, anything that's within my ability, i'll change.
be secure in you.
and thanks fungmin. heh can never give thanks enough for what you have done today.
and thanks shawn for your random verse of the day. 1 peter 5:7 i dont think its random at all. maybe randomness has its own timings as well. 23:45
.jpg)
caregroup at d marquee during anniversary (: 
sevenfive with everyone (:
and a pretty sky conjured (: 