gone are the term tests which i probably screwed up again despite convincing myself that i cant. anyway the econs dept was out to kill me when siva announced that it was question two, but it seriously made me realise that you can actually crap for econs (and not stone when you cant do sciences)
okay this is random as usual. but frankly speaking, i find myself more and more random and it seems as though for most of the things that i have done, im going by pure instinct. doing what i think is right, doing what i know i want to do. and it seems that every action, every decision is very much ruled by the heart. the brain needs a rest, weighing everything's pros and cons... suggesting that everything can be quantified? can be measured. then how so?
i dont know how rational i can still be at this point of time. but isnt it true that by being too rational you miss tons of opportunities and chances you could otherwise have seized. but then again, you make wrong choices when you listen to your heart too much.
how i wish things can be that simple, but the fact is its just too hard to do. the brain and the mind dont seem to like each other very much, which explains the many conflicting thoughts in me recently.
can you tell me should i follow my heart once again? 21:04
27 August 2006
mugging outing with yueqi and yong at library @ esplanade. at least i get something done and not spend my time sleeping at home (: sigh its just a sad case of too many things to study too little time. and RX just ought to disappear from the syllabus! ): it made me so miserable this afternoon. heh. and another thing that made me so miserable is that i overspent again! so now, poor eunice owes yong 10 bucks! and come to think of it, i spent them all on food. -.-
and now i still have to cram as much econs as i can. i pray till the end of the world that question 1 will appear tmr morning, otherwise i can fail right on the spot. eeeks. this is getting onto my nerves. rahhh.
this is a sad weekend.
but somehow you managed to make me smile; guess you havent quite realised it; 21:32
26 August 2006
another blog song that melts me XD 1000 words! ((: [ah ha thanks nicholas for sending me this super nice song] the previous blog song is seriously not suitable for this period when i need to mug, cos it makes me sleepy.
actually im supposed to mug intensively for this weekend. and so far at this current moment, im only done with alkanes and alkenes -.- rahhh. c'mon eunice! jiayou jiayou! guess it is one of the crucial tests, especially to pull up my grade eeks. and i was so tired just now i fell asleep while studying without realising it, 3 hours of sleep! (i think im dreaming about studying chem...hahah) so special thanks to chris seah and yueqi who happened to msg me on the phone and those 2 consecutive smses managed to shake me up. otherwise i would have slept till eternity. hehh. -yawns.
and the usual random rants, i've become the 'nanny' for a blue pencil box and a guan3 for the weekend. -.- and i've managed to finish playing the noob scores for ff7 main theme! HAHA. yay!
im still denying that i cared. dumb or what? i dont want to know. 20:50
24 August 2006
how could i forget the most random fact of the day! tada!
now i have a sean xiaodi and a shawn xiaomei.
damn amusing. (: 23:08
i know i've said this like tons and tons of times, but ah well, it doesnt really hurt to say this one more time if its gonna make me feel good hahaha. but sevenfive seriously rocks! (: and i love you people really. haha.
a great gift for me, never had imagined how jc life will be without you guys. heh was feeling rather bad when i went to school this morning, cos i was feeling a little screwed up due to the lack of sleep (haha, but apparently, i cranked up a bit somehow) and yeah that ass called us shit again. but school seems so much more fun with you guys around and days become so much more tolerable!
even when its crapping session at the class bench, sitting in a circle and stuff, laughing everything out, the feeling is just amazing. (if you will get what i mean haha) and i really wish we can have more of these! XD
this is definitely not a nutcase trying to declare whatever love she have for her friends, but just some random thoughts. sometimes, it takes you some days of bleakness and yadayada to make you realise how many little things can piece together to form this great picture if you ever treasure them.
great day ((: and i can finally get my sleep. 3 hours this morning didnt help. 20:30
22 August 2006
pw craze! word count is at a whopping count 3300+ without even having undergone major changes that ought to be in. and we just used this cool conference calling, hahaha hearing each other's voices on the phone at the same time ((:
pw into the night! i need to crank myself to keep awake.
and amidst the chaos, yet i still wonder...
i listen to my heart because i know it tells the truth - what i really feel. but this time round, im afraid of listening to it because i want to deny what i know is happening to me. i have the intuition that its going to be painful, so am i just plain hiding?
who are the people i can be true to? who are those whom i cant? not that i cant, but rather am i comfortable enough to let you in?
and all the real people are really not real at all;
are you? 23:16
20 August 2006
pw seriously becomes enjoyable with the company of yueqi, kityeng, yong and reihorng! although today's meeting was rather slack, its still great time together. just plain lazing around. and hahah yong has a great music collection in his computer that makes me wanna melt! im so going to get him to mass send me those songs (:
hahah and random eunice learnt how to play 4 bars of ff7 main theme on the piano. 4 bars! hehh.
but ah wells. it feels weird to have the new week start tomorrow because the weekend seems surprisingly short. since more things are coming, might as well get used to the routine and just do it.
thinking too much sometimes screws things up.
it will be a better week (:
[i have not finished chem yet, i dont quite see a bright week ahead. haha] 22:29
19 August 2006
okay so i was wrong.
it was never a harmless flashback and the nightmare hasn't quite stopped yet. because last night i woke up to find myself crying. maybe i have never gotten over the fact that you are gone for good. maybe part of what i am today is shaped by what you have shared with me. or maybe everything still seems like a dream to me.
because of you, i've learnt not to rely on others too much for support. cos i wont want to be left with nothing if everyone leaves like you. its so unpredictable, there's just no sense of security sometimes. and everyday we are all living in the risk of having our hearts emptied the next day.
and now i seriously have no idea how i am going to get over this.
my parents couldnt understand why.
and this time round, neither can i.
29th may.
(if you know how to get over stuff, i need your help.) 17:55
18 August 2006
feeling great because 1. im no longer having a terrible stomachache i had been having almost the entire day, kind of got better at the end of the school day 2. maths test is over! (: i shall leave the worrying for grades till another day, the only question i was sure of was 3a. HAHA.
went yong's hse to slack around after school, (being the random usual self, i had wanted to pay shawn a visit for no good reason since its just nearby, too bad she's still in school haha) and the guys went to swim again! its quite interesting to see them getting a routine of exercises, keeping fit and everything... which makes me wonder what exactly happened to my resolution to exercise more. -.-
anyway watched brotherhood on dvd and seriously its a damn good movie. touching brotherly love. haha and the other girls were sniffing away and then i was "hmm why am i not crying? haha" but the last scene when the old man broke down and cry, i really couldnt tahan alr. haha the tears just came. i didnt cry.
and the movie made me think more of something else. its more about seeing someone you loved dying in front of you. i have no idea whether i have gotten over it or not, but i guess such things you dont exactly erase them away from your memories. just have that feeling that time seems to only start healing the wound this year, but at least its something.
maybe sometimes i will think about it again.
but i hope it has since ceased to become a nightmare.
so it will be a harmless flashback. 22:24
15 August 2006
some time these days, im seriously going to suffer from an irreversible brain damage. because right now, im not thinking straight, not thinking crooked. there's a high chance that im not really thinking anything at all.
can someone grant me this wish? i need a huge dose of MUGGER GENES. omg. i have people on my msn contact list doing tons of countdown to promos and thats kind of freaky considering the half-dead state i am in.
i am supposed to be concentrating on my studies.
i hope i get somewhere. 22:18
12 August 2006
i heard something interesting this afternoon.
i never would have thought of this if not that you have told me your thoughts. maybe sometimes, its good to listen to more people and gather more perspectives of things - stuff you love, stuff you dont love, and simply stuff you dont really care. they stop you from dreaming too much.
from my point of view, it seems totally great, probably because i am blinded by the fact that such a wonderful thing has happened after all the days of crap. or have i not realised that things are starting to change and things are never quite the same as what i still believe it is. knowing it and believing in it are two different things. or maybe its just a mistake right from the start.
from your point of view, its just so different. i didnt know what to say. its that kind of momentary speechlessness.
maybe i should take it as it is.
afterall, this is life.
take it easy, eunice;
22:07
10 August 2006
yay! The Big Mugging Plan of the Year is starting to kick in. (: let's hope it wont die down halfway, the fact that im so hopeful is actually worry. this is the first sign of insanity. who am i kidding?
so today, i met yueqi and zhuting at toa payoh library to start a tiny weeny bit of studying. hahah. its seriously a tiny weeny bit, not to mention that i went to the supermarket for 20 min, took a 1-hr lunch break, went on a reading break for 20 min, and slept for 10 min. haha.
its a start afterall. (: and nice zhuting introduced me to some really delicious cheese toufu which tasted really good.
and then my msn screwed so badly when i came back, i gave up and downloaded the windows live messenger which looks super weird and metallic. >< sighh. which made me kind of sian for the night...
school's starting and ending for the week tmr. haha XD 21:54
rahh. so now there's this commotion online whether we should be wearing red or white to school tmr because emb only mentioned red. ah well, in my opinion, the school skirt only looks more decent with oversized shirt so the skirt wont look unproportionate.
can i wear my o1 tee? rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
(ok i've decided. yueqi's wearing with me. and val too hahah. that most we will stand together and take a photo that says "the outcasts" haha.)
anyway, this is damn spastic but i must admit that chris seah always made me feel quite slow -.- hmph! apparently he swapped my phone cover with his last week and i didnt realise it at all. okay actually i did but i kept thinking that its because of my clumsiness thats why the nokia thingy came off! >< eunice is not dumb. haha.
and yeahh miss chua is damn nice! ((: OMG. i love her now! and she's freaking amazing because for once i can really understand chem which hasnt quite happened this year yet. and its like really encouraging to know that you have a teacher who's willing to sacrifice so much of her free time just for remedials... jiayou eunice! must start panicking real soon.
think i'll call it a day and read a nice book before plonking onto the bed for a good night rest!
goodnight world. 22:54
06 August 2006
pfft.
how stupid can i get?
i knew i cant eat papayas but yet i went to eat one slice just now cos i had some idiot craving for fruits and there's nothing left at home except papayas. so now im having the "i-want-to-puke" feeling but at the same time, nothing is happening.
rahhhh.
okay now i swear i shall never ever touch papayas. ): honeydews are tons better! sweet and juicy and can be made into delicious milkshakes and most importantly, it does not make me feel nauseous.
sigh. my craving just made me a miserable girl now. 13:38
03 August 2006
my gut instinct tells me that he despises us.
but will there be a day when one can realise that how pathetic he or she is, and feel sorry for himself or herself? no matter how one covers his mistake, reality is still there.
he's getting quite unreasonable recently. or maybe im just tired so i get angry a little too easily. everything's so never-ending till i probably will want to go on this really really long bus ride, those kind that runs on expressways) and dont ever get down.
anyway to be a little random:
went to the popular at bukit timah plaza just now, whooh its damn peaceful hahaha i like that place! maybe i shall be a regular customer and yup buy my stuff there. 22:28
02 August 2006
something very interesting happened today. i actually dreamt during ct session. yeah i was sleeping, otherwise how did i dream? but whats so amazing about that dream is that, its probably not one, but many many flashbacks.
it wasnt for very long, but what im really glad was that they were all the good ones. things that i wont mind remembering even 10 years down the road. oh in fact, i would be more than happy to do so.
and i dreamt of you.
(actually this can refer to a couple of people but im referring to.. you in particular)
i think if you are reading this, you will know its you. thanks for just being there, regardless whether i need someone there or not. and its really amazing how you can brighten up my day. ((: continue to random and we shall strive to be the most random people (:
oh yeah and something embarassing happened today too. last wed i fell and bumped my butt in the auditorium. and today i fell and stepped on lionel's foot really hard on the bus. it was super paiseh. rah!
why must the wednesdays be so accident prone! -.-
ok anyway, time to get back to work. im denied reality for a long time. 21:19
