uh oh. im down with a cold thanks to the really cold weather this morning. and its still rather cold outside i think. :\ and my head feels pretty heavy together with maths and the cold, okay so a big get well soon to myself! better spam more water in the meantime.

searched youtube when i was feeling bored after completing tutorial 7b (yes i finally finished it ((: ) and i found this user who is quite cool.

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=kyle556

and then on this rainy day, how i wish i could play the piano. haha.

off to study again.

i dont think i can finish the syllabus. this is sickeningly worrying.
15:28


misunderstood figures.

there are just too many of such around, am i misunderstood, are you misunderstood? did i misunderstand anyone?

how many times have i misunderstood someone just because i couldnt care to put in more than the insignificant effort i was taking to know someone? i just have this bad habit of rambling off, and then when i realised i was wrong, its just simply too hard to take the words back. not possible. so what then? try to make amendments, but that does not hide the fact that you have once misunderstood the person. and it sure hurts to see the rest of the people around still misunderstanding that poor chap.

some things just cant be helped.

but then again, if the relationship is superficial, we probably wont know enough. and if the person who misunderstands you doesnt really matter to you at all, maybe his or her misunderstanding might not have made a difference.

i've misunderstood someone today and i regret.

i was just too blinded not to see.

im sorry.
22:18


3 down, 2 more to go! only maths and bio standing in the way to freedom. two BIG obstacles ugh, the worst has yet to come i believe. but never mind, as i've mentioned before verbal indications of giving up are not counted because they are pure rants to release the pent-up stress, so i shall fight on!

chem was not very okay i think. the mcq was owning, seriously, i just didnt have time to do, and its like history repeating itself for blocks. but i just hope paper 2 can help me scrape through and get a decent grade, and heh i wasted a lot of writing paper when i was doing the last essay question, i hope i get that right (:

and i think im getting a pimple outbreak because of exams! oh no ): the irritating pimples just keep on appearing all over again, hahah. pimples plus more pimples equals to a hell lot of them. sighhh that kind of sucks.

okay, my break's up. its time to chiong!
20:40


the damned econs paper totally rocked. -.- and the gp essay was owning too. which reminds me, is there anyone who actually did question 8, other than me? sighh, its only the first day of promos and its pretty much screwed up already.

i was almost losing coherence close to the end of the econs paper, and my hand hurt like nobody's business. and the pen was wet cos of my wonderful sweaty palms. im just crossing my fingers that things dont go TOO badly. haha.

anyway, what's done cant be done, so yeah move on!

and yeah a random thought came by just now on my way home, or should i say maybe it's just hidden in the back of my mind, so might as well face it and be strong or something.

so i went back to bukit batok for dinner on saturday with my family and kind of visited the neighbourhood where i used to live - the old places and stuff. and we passed by her place. and i realise how badly i miss that place. not the area where i used to live but the place where she used to live. a lot of things have changed i thought, cos i do not remember them being what i saw them on saturday. but at those familiar places, i thought i could see us together again.

i still remember your smile, how you cared and everything. you know sometimes it scares myself to find myself having the thought wishing you were my mum instead. it's an incorrect thought, okay fine i shouldnt even be thinking about it, but apparently yeah sometimes when times were bad and i missed you so badly i find myself ended up tearing again. everytime, again and again i just couldnt let go.

and the fact today is i still cant. my last memory may be the one when i was twelve, but i can safely say without you my childhood wouldnt have been complete. but then again if that incident didnt happen, i could have been a happier person afterall. you changed my life and made me stronger even when you left.

i miss you.

...

i hope you are fine somewhere out there. stay well.
20:33


PROMOS START TMR!!! ((:

im suddenly reminded of what boonpin told me last year or earlier, something about enjoying exams. at this point of time, i kinda realised that there's no point getting too upset over promos because they are going to come anyway since we cant stop time. so might as well enjoy them and yeah you get to be happy. but then again, its all easier said.

in less than 12 hours' time i will be sitting in the big hall looking at the big questions and writing like a mad dog. ah well, that's the best scenario when i have actually so many things to write till i need to write so frantically. it is more appealing than going blank looking at those 12 questions and rummaging through the back of the brain to see what points i can churn out. so yeah, im going to write a beautiful essay tmr!

-.-

econs brings me back to the same scenario - i better have stuff to write about, the main points must appear in my head tmr afternoon and i can try crapping the rest myself. that's called an attempt to substantiate my point. (: and yeah its 1 and 1/2 more hours to sleeping, otherwise known as the best pre-exam preparation. hurhur.

alright. back to study!

best of luck, everyone!
21:02


shawn shared this with me last night...

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

yep, i should not even be thinking of giving up. there should this source of potential energy inside me that's not tapped on yet. the mind's seriously more capable than what you have been doing.

c'mon eunice! dont give up. you can do it so you should just do it and show yourself what you are worth. the cadet needs to fight on! for his her survival in the promos. heh.

you have less than 48 hours before you sit in the big hall looking at those BIG questions.
10:42


eunice was studying.

eunice is studying.

and eunice will continue to study.

and i sincerely hope the efforts will be paid off;
even when i admit it could have started earlier;

self-belief.

and thanks for the motivational tags (:
21:31


i wonder whether it's the exam stress. just a while ago, i was still worried over not feeling stressed up over the coming promos. i mean, it's good that im starting to worry a bit instead of being totally numbed like some block of wood or something, but weird things are starting to happen.

one, im starting to whine a hell lot, maybe i need an outlet or something. sometimes the pent up frustration seriously has to go before i self-destruct or something, especially during maths revision, which brings me to the next point.

maths! it shouldnt even be considered maths revision at all, i should just change it to maths re-learning. it has brought to me many episodes of frustration and now the thought of maths seriously dreads me. and come to think of it, i'll try not to push back the looking through of my maths stuff later. and i dont know why i just felt like crying after bio lab and before maths tutorial, i havent even seen mr ng's face, i havent even stepped into the room, the frustration is already there. but then again, crying didnt seem like a proper option.

ok. i think im stressed.

and there's maths lecture tmr. somebody, please save me. ):
20:56


even when nothing much really happened today,

even when promos are coming in 8 days time, and i really need some form of miracle,

going to school actually made me happier for no special reason.

and maybe tomorrow will be a better day than today, just like how its better than yesterday.

(:

off to mug...

[by the way, is it my problem or has the weather changed to become cooler recently? and that the temperatures of the LT and audi are lower? im even cold, now. :\]

let's all go find hope! it must be hiding somewhere, that mischievous fellow.
20:54


they say we ought to ask a question every single day and my question for the day is

dear mum, what on earth have you done to me that i feel as though im living life just to please you?

i dont understand, but it has kind of become a little unconscious that for every single decision i make, you are bound to appear somewhere in my mind of thoughts. yes i care, but then sometimes i really really wish i can just dont care. because it will probably save me from lots of agonising incidents. :\ but i cant. your statement still hurts.

cant you just understand that you cant have identical children? we are all different individuals, and there's no way i can be like my brother in every single aspect, and in fact just face it, both he and i are very very different people. i am not his clone, i dont want to be his clone, i want to be who i am, before you try to mould me into someone im not.

if you are thinking why your second child cant be as outstanding as your first, im sorry i've tried and probably am still trying but maybe things just dont go that way i guess. im that close to convincing myself that i should just keep my own pace and see how things unfold before you told me that. and now i dont know.

oh maybe what i know is if i were to have kids next time, i will never compare them like that, just simply because i dont want history to repeat itself.

why cant you?

yeah why cant i?

why cant i just forget what you just told me, and stop myself from trying to please all the time?

promos in 8 days. then what.
14:59


at the current moment, im still trying very hard to settle down and study with the time ticking away damn quickly. and of course, there's the usual fight with sleep, and getting enough of it in order for me to maintain my sanity the following day. but then again, im believing strongly in the amount of good sleep can bring to us (:

anyway school was super slack today especially pw and the only thing worth looking forward to was the swimming class and mr ling was nice enough to pass everyone from the beginners' group ((:

nothing much now life is just going on and its getting boring somewhere along the way. ):

reply to tags!

iamburpy: me hippy o.O so all the studying made you go a little mad already? xD and yeah, i dont know whether it will make me better if i know where the person is going. probably just easier to accept. -shrugs

wanga: yes he rocks!

terry: haha if i can help it, i wont be that sadistic to scare myself, anyway thanks...

samantha: yes im trying! but bio and maths remain the worst! grr.

less is more;
even a smile is enough to make my day;
contentment;
15:55


mental check: exactly two more weeks to promos 06.

this is seriously not funny at all when i still have this tremendous amount of syllabus left for revision. bio and maths are in the worst state you can imagine, yes im trying still fighting on still going. verbal indications of giving up are not counted.

and before i slack my butt off again, just crediting two nice people today - samantha and chris seah! thanks for your help in maths (:

we were talking about trust.

if im trusted, i should not break the trust. and i will not.
21:56


do you know how scary it is to find yourself with morbid thoughts early in the morning? it hasnt been happening for the first time, and i find it quite scary because the idea of it keeps visiting and it seems that something is really wrong somewhere.

how many times have i woken up early in the morning and stoned and stared at grandma just to make sure she isnt totally still in her bed? and you know, when somehow she doesnt seem to be moving and fear just grips you totally and you dont stop staring until you sense a stir.

i dont think im at an age when i will fear death myself, but rather im beginning to fear deaths of others. obviously when im growing up, people around me are growing old. im not trying to curse the death of anyone, and they say such things are taboo, it just happens that anyone can leave us the very next moment even when we pray till the end of the world that it wont happen. but its a fact i guess, everyone will die.

and some will bring more parts of me along with them;
and more memories perhaps;
or just that the empty space they left can never be filled up somehow;
22:24


the grr. battle has since begun.

like you said, victory is mine XD. quite amusing, but its a goal.

behind the strong appearance, i think its still fear.

but i hope at the end of the battle, you will be around.
22:45


jack johnson rocks my day. hahaha. ((: i've been looping his songs on the player and everything's so dreamy now. i love "better together", its kind of sweet i think.

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard,
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things,
Like a shoebox of photographs,
With sepiatone loving,
Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart ,
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy,
And sometimes life can be deceiving,
I'll tell you one thing, its always better when we're together

[Chorus:]
MMM, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone,
When the morning light sings
And brings new things,
But tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too,
Too many things I have to do,
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'll be under the impression,
I was somewhere in-between
With only two,
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do,
Or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
MMM, We're somewhere in-between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm
I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing,
We're better together

you need some sweetness to bring joy sometimes haha, why is the world so angsty? c'mon, love each other!

oh and maybe i should learn how to love my notes, but bio's killing me for the night. the darn virus and bacteria. who cares about their genetics? urgh. (oh eunice, you have to stop running away from these evil tiny things)

and yeah, im playing floorball and basketball for FOS. [im so going to flip and continue being a noob (:] and our dear floorball captain is staging a protest xD

oh well, peace tonight! love the world ((:
22:54


im a mugger wannabe (: and studying out really helps because there's no damn thing called the computer or the msn (and samantha calls it the universal magnet). you stay focused most of the time, except when the mind goes wandering somewhere unconsciously. dont think im able to help that, but sometimes dreaming works wonder too. it just takes off stress and yadayada.

okay good. im beginning to feel the stress a little, and this is really a good sign after all the talk of trying to stress myself because im getting a little numb about grades and stuff. if stress means a bit more motivation to study harder, i seriously wont mind being stressed. at least its called positive stress. and then again, what about maths? that's like a great deal of a burden and that really sucks. i havent quite managed to convince myself that i'll be able to do it. where the hell do i find back that confidence and that ability to be confident? i cant even do. rah.

and oh yeah, i think some feelings just grow stronger and stronger by each day. (and i'm hoping that its not going to turn out to something bad that will evolve into a nightmare) its like there's this force of support somewhere and you experience this sense of affirmation. and i think its kind of regardless whether its going to be feasible or not. the heart takes over and the head has no say suddenly.

is that why sometimes we get stuck in what is not going to happen?

over-optimism?

haha.
21:51


post of dedication. (:

at this last moment of the day, i seriously would want to give thanks to have met you. shawn tay jiahui, its you! i thank you for the 'talk' just now, i really could see where you were coming from just that you need to know that what i need now is time. the heart is too complicated to make decisions just like that. the brain is far more complicated. and the world, needless to say. but really, thanks for being so understanding, i mean it's been since a long time, and i know each time you are encouraging it, but you never give me the impression that you are forcing or anything. its like you sharing something that you love.

and ah wells. havent i always said good things are meant to be shared. i guess it could have worked for your case too.

frankly speaking, come to think of it, i have no idea what brought me to talk to you in the first place years ago. when was the day i added you on msn, i seriously cant remember. how many random days have passed, thats even worse, its uncountable. but one thing for sure, you definitely made an impact in my life, you burpy.

and yeah who should i thank to have met such a wonderful junior like you? HAHA.

sometimes you just have to find the right person to open up to.
23:57


i guess tonight's not going to be quite productive because there's something in my mind. it came to me randomly just now (or maybe not so random, considering i've been giving some thoughts to it these recent days) and it kind of overwhelmes me weirdly.

its the thing about religion. i think im becoming a little pro-christianity, and im quite sure this time round its not something that happens overnight. no it didnt pop out from nowhere either, probably its accumulative. though i've come into minute contact here and there with christianity since sec three or maybe sec four, its nothing big and yeah you never know little impacts can add up to be something that's pretty overwhelming at the moment. and yeah and the first church service back in july left quite an impact too. i dont know. if you will understand what im feeling now, its like this heap of thoughts that i cant even describe crashing on me.

if only i dont come from a buddhist family, then things would have been much easier isnt it? i've been a self-proclaimed free thinker because i couldnt find any relevant aspect in my family's religion. i tried, but i couldnt. just that they couldnt understand i think, so its kind of tough when you want me to go through rituals which i cant even relate to. i dont see the point. if you want me to do something, i must see the relevance first. and what is to happen, when you see relevance in a religion that you are 'not supposed' to be engaged in? my mum will skin me alive no matter what, so i can just yeah wait for the sky to drop someday. rah this is seriously. AH. im just ranting but i dont care alr. and yes that thing about emptiness too.

i need someone to talk to, seriously.

and yeah, my condolences to steve irwin. ):
22:32


presenting to you the few moments of my life on this particular day 030906...

funniest joke of the day
my mum mistook my bottle of hair cream for the prescribed pimple cream. seriously she needs her glasses everywhere.

most exasperating moment
when i settled down with my maths stuff and (not much to my horror) i couldnt do a single question, so the feeling of despair welled up and i felt like crying. heh i think this is accumulative.

an interesting observation
mr ng(s) seem to screw my maths up, or rather i tend to screw my maths up when my maths teacher happens to have that name. i can still remember vividly how i used to hate maths in sec two (and im hoping that the feeling will not resurface while im not noticing) not to blame the teacher's family for giving him that surname, just blame it on my incompetency in that subject. -.-

something that gave a tiny sense of accomplishment
finally finished eom for pw, did some readings for bio, and did a bit on carbonyl. chem is getting a little better by each day, and sure this is something to really give thanks for, though i will still have to agree with yueqi that stoichiometry is still the top killer!

one happy moment
financially-challenged me gets pocket money for the week! (: so i dont feel and am not that broke anymore.

sometimes i catch myself staring into space;
counting down the hours till i get to see your face;
20:08


so, it appears that my attempt to mug full blast for this september holidays hasnt really started on a right note. but never mind, i do see a positive improving trend which isnt that bad afterall.

yesterday was serious crap, considering that i only managed to flip through the econs tutorial and not to mention that i gave up halfway cos i couldnt really do (or rather i was a little braindead to think further) and arenes tutorial which was supposed to be done long long time ago.

today was pretty productive i think (: went to library @ esplanade again with val, yueqi, sean and nicholas and it was quite cool to wait outside the library before it opened its doors and thank goodness we went early because the tables were taken up within... say 15 mins? but yeah at least its a place where i wont get super distracted by the mind magnet - the great computer and the always-so-comfortable bed. and i've settled two tutorials and some reading of lecture notes, so its not bad!

alright i've a "big fat important role" at the moment. hahaha. help yong scan the FOS instructions and guess what, my scanner is playing some games with me right now. zzz. i shall be nice and say he's not exploiting me xD

and yes, i need to announce that yong and sean owe me $24.50 in all, and im now declared a girl who's more broke than ever! ):
21:25


replies to tags!

iamburpy: when i promise you something i'll mean it (though this time round i was quite sure that the bunsen burner wouldnt explode in your face) and i guess the heart is always better (: and yeah, thanks for allowing me to 'deplete' the food resources in your house [wont forget the chaota prata]

samantha: yeah maybe i should listen to what i want most. so maybe i'll be happier that way... thanks ((: but then, when i think i should listen to my head, then i'll go consult you or something. xD

i am half glad that i've confessed that to shawn, at least its something out. i shall just let things be what they are now and see what happens. to think i'll get confused over such things. never felt that way.
19:49


so it was teacher's day celebrations yesterday and is still teacher's day today! HAHA.

how should i put it? so there were tons of mixed feelings yesterday, met up with 4/3 to go back to nanyang, and though i have to admit that the feeling they gave me was much better than last year's but still nonetheless a little disappointing. or maybe im prejudiced right from the start, but i havent quite found the class warmth i was hoping to find in them. its like a clique visit or something, this is what happened when i dont belong to any of them. haha.

but caina and weiwen still kind of made my day. HAHA and weiwen, who says i want to join your ungraded club? xD you better get out of it soon too!

and yeah it was heartwarming to see all the teachers again, though i was half hoping that i could have talked to zhuolaoshi a little more, but considering she looked so freaking tired yesterday maybe i should be nice and drop her an email instead or something. i still remember fondly those yakking sessions she had with us last year, and her wonderful digressing skills from the chinese textbook. (:

and mrs ho! ahhh, how i miss her now, especially its mr ng everytime during maths tutorials. can still remember how mrs yap reminded me of mrs ho on the first maths lesson i had in hc, they are just those kind of super nice and patient teachers... and ah well, considering how horrendous my maths grades are now, i dont have much face to see mrs ho alr >< but dont think i'll ever forget those times outside the staffroom for extra consultation and stuff, and her being so concerned about everything, not just maths. and the constant "eunice, do you understand?" during the lessons to make sure im still somewhere with her. (oh well this was what happened when you were one of the worst students in class -.-)

and mr derek tan went back to nanyang yesterday. it was a total shock to see him since he was no longer teaching there anymore xD it was just an inside joke to say that both of us shal go to marina square more often so there's a higher chance of seeing each other there! haha. bio lessons were never (and chem lessons when miss lee sook cheng was teaching). and singapore is really small, because mr tan knows mr ngoh from the examination board! =p

mrs seah.. hahaha. though i was not very close to her, but i miss her english lessons surprisingly. i used to be quite intimidated by her too-intellectual-and-philosophical questions, but ah well, kind of appreciated those only now. and this cool lady went to shave her head for the act of raising funds for children cancer society or sth and congrats for being one of the finalists for the president's award for teachers! (:


so much talk on good and dedicated teachers, it only means that you have to depend on yourself more if you get teachers who cant really teach.

this september break is getting a little monsterish urgh.

you either make it or break it.
09:37

eunice
eighteen
hope
hwachong
06s75
hcco
1 corinthians 16:14




06s75
hwachong cg

abigail
caina
cheegake
claire
clarence
cutcake
felicia
fungmin
huiying
jiexun
jonathan
marcus
nicholas
peiting
samantha
samuel
seokhui
shawn
simon
siyun
sophia
sutyee
terry
tifen
tracy
valerie
wahtoon
xiangyu
yueqi
yvonne
zelanie
zhengyou


February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008


layout: +
fonts: +
brushes: + +
image: +