do you know how scary it is to find yourself with morbid thoughts early in the morning? it hasnt been happening for the first time, and i find it quite scary because the idea of it keeps visiting and it seems that something is really wrong somewhere.
how many times have i woken up early in the morning and stoned and stared at grandma just to make sure she isnt totally still in her bed? and you know, when somehow she doesnt seem to be moving and fear just grips you totally and you dont stop staring until you sense a stir.
i dont think im at an age when i will fear death myself, but rather im beginning to fear deaths of others. obviously when im growing up, people around me are growing old. im not trying to curse the death of anyone, and they say such things are taboo, it just happens that anyone can leave us the very next moment even when we pray till the end of the world that it wont happen. but its a fact i guess, everyone will die.
and some will bring more parts of me along with them; and more memories perhaps; or just that the empty space they left can never be filled up somehow; 22:24
