i guess tonight's not going to be quite productive because there's something in my mind. it came to me randomly just now (or maybe not so random, considering i've been giving some thoughts to it these recent days) and it kind of overwhelmes me weirdly.
its the thing about religion. i think im becoming a little pro-christianity, and im quite sure this time round its not something that happens overnight. no it didnt pop out from nowhere either, probably its accumulative. though i've come into minute contact here and there with christianity since sec three or maybe sec four, its nothing big and yeah you never know little impacts can add up to be something that's pretty overwhelming at the moment. and yeah and the first church service back in july left quite an impact too. i dont know. if you will understand what im feeling now, its like this heap of thoughts that i cant even describe crashing on me.
if only i dont come from a buddhist family, then things would have been much easier isnt it? i've been a self-proclaimed free thinker because i couldnt find any relevant aspect in my family's religion. i tried, but i couldnt. just that they couldnt understand i think, so its kind of tough when you want me to go through rituals which i cant even relate to. i dont see the point. if you want me to do something, i must see the relevance first. and what is to happen, when you see relevance in a religion that you are 'not supposed' to be engaged in? my mum will skin me alive no matter what, so i can just yeah wait for the sky to drop someday. rah this is seriously. AH. im just ranting but i dont care alr. and yes that thing about emptiness too.
