heh it's been a month since the holidays started and seriously i should stop thinking i still have loads of time for me to play with. okay but at least i've done some work so if i wake up from my slumber now, then maybe things wont be that bad when the holiday period is ending (:
okay, so that's a wake-up exclamation.
to move on, i went for fungmin's and robert's cg outing at east coast today. not that bad i should say, at least i didnt feel kind of awkward and rather welcomed. haha. thanks people (:
which leads to another random thought, its kind of amazing when two strangers meet and in no time, you can call that person a friend (or maybe acquiantances), the human heart just yearns for company like that. then what about those people who build tall barriers around them for whatever reasons they may have, arent their hearts the same? wanting company but at the same time just too afraid to open up? and even when we have a lot of friends, how many really will be there when we need someone?
and how well do we really know the people around us that we call friends.
for this, let's face it, i still have a long way to go.
because for me, at this time, some secrets still ought to remain as secrets for some. i shouldnt feel apologetic i guess, cos i cant exactly blame myself when the time is still not right and im not ready.
on a side note, hcco chalet and sevenfive chalet tmr till fri. (im still feeling damn sianned cos they both clash)
till then, see you! 21:27
27 November 2006
it's the time of randomness once more, so i guess thoughts are not going to be linked this time again as usual. come to think of it, this is bad practice for gp for it interrupts the smooth flow. oh wells. -.-
back to the point, co today was alright i guess... got the scores for gu du feng qing. woots, the melody is like melting but i think i need to get the various positions right first :\ and there are like tons of parts that i really need to go and prac. hmm, i gotta be patient with myself first, and in the meantime gather the determination. 欲速则不达。
anyway, i saw dannel on my way to school this afternoon and it has been ages since i last saw him. probably one plus year ago i think. i guess sometimes it feels good to see faces that i was once so familiar with in the past, and we laugh about the memories amidst moving on, but at the same time, im glad that everyone has also moved on well and stuff like that. really, five years back, who would have thought that we are going to be what we are today? i cant even picture myself five years later. : and back to some nitty-gritty stuff, like money. -.- im going to be quite broke once again, class chalet and co chalet coming up this week (which reminds me im rather torn apart to decide when to go for which) and seriously i would very much like to save up some money to get a good book, new cello strings and some craft materials. not to mention spending on a good movie too.
im just thinking about it. actions are indeed harder than words. 22:28
26 November 2006
((:
so basically hcco interaction yesterday went well - loads of fun, laughters, water and interaction haha. (just forget about the incident when i thought i lost my wallet halfway and the possible fact that i left my wet fac tee in the lt and it has probably transformed into a stinky bomb -.-)
so the day started with me oversleeping and i only woke up at 6.30 when im supposed to meet lionel then already :\ haha thanks thanks for waiting for me and helping with the carrying of stuff! (: then when interaction started, it felt good to see some of the juniors again since i havent been going back. heh but it just dawned on me that some juniors are no longer as close anymore,we have probably all moved on already. but the best thing was still seeing miss chek haha, she just meant someone more than a conductor to us ((:
the race component was quite fine i should say, though the preparation for the first game was a little hectic, just simply cos its the first. and really i was glad i dont have to play my game, cos of the weird biscuits and their condiments. training for the weak -.- haha. and lots of thanks to ruihong for being such a nice fellow gamemaster! =D
and the mass games. the usual zhumming of water till everyone's super wet xD too bad we didnt manage to take revenge on weixin. haha.
glad that things went well, skit, games and yadayada. but what that made me more glad, was the feeling as a batch. i do feel a closer bond forged through this interaction, not just an interaction with the secondary school juniors, but also with my batchmates. whatever lost feelings i was looking for, i probably found them. if not, im quite sure it's somewhere near already... 那种和大家一起的感觉。
hcco (:
and i thank Him for answering my prayer... 13:36
24 November 2006
woots, finally finished packing all the stuff for hcco interaction tmr. and seriously i wonder how comical was the sight of 3 guys and 1 girl moving around the fruits section of ntuc aimlessly, pushing a trolley. not to mention us being as noob as showing the auntie at the weighing scale a pineapple, asking whether it's ripe or not! haha.
gonna be a long day tmr, but hope everything goes well, the skit the performance the games everything (: and heh special thanks to lionel for helping us by bringing home the watermelon and the pears. =D
it's kind of funny, but it seems as though im seeing the co people close to everyday this week -.- mon, wed, fri and sat woah. but i guess when it's something that you enjoy, you won't mind it. at least, i really dont mind it. and a plus point is that the human interaction is helping me feel more alive, because once im at home, it's kind of quiet except the virtual interaction online, or you see people interacting on the tv. hur.
okay it's getting late, i better go catch my sleep.
p.s. yueqi's left for japan and sam's leaving for US tmr, heh. and it suddenly dawned on me that im not going to see sam for a long long time, esp when i missed having lunch with her today. how weird. :\ 22:41
22 November 2006
when the memories that you revisit are great, it can really really make your day. saw joyee just now when i left the lrt, and she was talking about organising a class gathering. now i'm really hoping that it will materialise or something, cos just now when i was asking people online about it, i kind of realised that i really miss you guys : primary school days are not exactly crap seriously, i guess i really had great fun back then and i miss 6a1 and just thinking about all the funny and silly things that we had done together, im so glad we did them back five years ago. and yanming was just telling me just now that it's psle results release tmr and sir jumat probably cannot sleep again hahaha. it's weird but i actually miss him as a teacher, he's kind of special in his ways, just like the class haha.
ah. we are all getting old. here i am, thinking of the days five years ago.
and maybe five years later, i will once again sit somewhere and think about the me now.
but i know, good memories will still bring a smile to your face. they brought one to my face (: 22:10
21 November 2006
we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 corinthians 4:8-9
many questions in me with no answers right now. sometimes people ask me what i am going to do in the future, im usually stumped. i know it's a bad habit, but i dont plan far, because i have no idea what i am going to do with myself. if you get the idea, it's kind of living day by day, and someone once told me that that's a slower version of suicide. you think so? i don't know.
i mean, you plan far ahead, you have something to work towards which is good in a sense. but what if things happen in such a way that where you are heading is actually further and further away from where you want to be? kind of like a lost boat out in the big blue sea, plus the strong winds isnt it. i dont want that kind of helplessness. but if i dont plan, where do i go? then what about the cliche thing again, what if i were to die tmr, then will i actually leave without regrets?
but then, i shall not talk about death, it brings back too much to handle.
questions, but where are the answers? will He be listening? if He does, then maybe i shall be patient and wait, cos i probably wont be alone.
what are the kind of meaning and satisfaction i am actually looking out for?
rah. what a decision-making era. what a lost me.
if even i had thought of these earlier
but maybe i had
whats the odds that i'll get the answers :\
13:29
20 November 2006
[daily rants]
i must say it's almost time to get ready for the new year, do the house-cleaning first =p
it never fails to amaze me how fast my room gets into a mess again after the cleaning i had painstakingly done the previous time. so my first resolution before the new year is to make sure i do a regular clean-up so a clean and clutter-free environment will make eunice a happier person. (:
and now the table looks really messy after doing maths -.- those numbers are giving me a hard time ): rahhhh. and integration is the worst - it only integrates all my confusions into a big fat tangle. wth.
and as for now, it's the save-the-computer operation because it's lagging like nobody's business and i highly suspect it needs a huge clean-up as well. and norton antivirus is outdated ): so there's seriously a lot i cant do, until i go persuade dad to go funan with me to buy a newer version... and i was kind of bored just now so i went to play maplestory just to realise it can't work. and apparently now the setup exercise cant work as well. -.- what's happening to my computer?? >.< rants. rants. rants. rants. rants. i better go do some backup before my computer crashes. rants rants rants rants.
[/rants] 11:10
17 November 2006
so yesterday was sevenfive's day of "sun, sea and sand" at sentosa, and thankfully it didnt rain (if you dont count the few drops of rain for 5 min =p) and seriously, it feels good to be in the sun, and that kind of reminded me that i really have to go exercise more before i become some lump of flab >.< and it's like another outing with sevenfive, so that's a plus point i guess? i miss seeing everyone.
so the day started off, with people late as usual, hahaha and too bad those who came early failed in our attempt to extort a treat from the latecomers =p, but nvm, there gotta be more chances coming up haha. then it was lunching at vivocity and we got ourselves another volleyball which is bright yellow in colour, though it looks a bit grey as it sits beside my table xD
then off to sentosa we go, and yeah i must mention a rare phenomenon, the guys outnumbered the girls yesterday! 9 boys versus 8 girls woah.
blessed with really good weather today; usual captain's ball with our nice yellow vball; the in-water version of 'monkey' and the fact that i cant swim well -.- ; food bingeing at 7-eleven; sand castle building competition between the guys and girls (: and our great tortoise; class guys caught dead jellyfish and a small cute white crab; cycling and rollerblading respectively; getting lost in sentosa for the cycling people; the unfortunate case of theft for two bags ):, damned evil people ; then dinner at subway; and the indecisiveness to take bus/take mrt/and take bus again; and the sleepy bus ride to end the day;
i really want to treasure the days spent with you guys, cos i really really think it's a gift for me to have you people appearing in my life. and it's very irritating that time is passing so fast that we cant even stop it from ticking away and one year kind of flew past just like that. and what we have left, is a seemingly hellish year of j2 life.
i guess we just cant seem to treasure enough.
... 10:32
15 November 2006
i was just sitting down and thinking just now when i realised that all these while you were always the one doing something for me, and it means as though i havent done something much for you.
there must be some sort of fair exchange somehow, and i feel selfish.
the smiles can deceive; the feelings can be hidden;
maybe i should do something for you. let me go plan.
and im praying that all things will go well for you, i hope for nothing less than the best for you. 22:06
14 November 2006
heh you never know how happy it is for me to wake up painless this morning. (:
yesterday was pure hell when all painkillers decided to go on a strike and none of them actually works on me ): back ache cos of the new computer chair and of course the damned monster cramps. i think i almost died at home. at least if it's some flu or something, i can at least just go and plonk my head into the bed and sleep till the world's done with the pain.
so this is to conclude, that it's a happy beginning for me today haha.
and i think i want to start this 'blessings journal' thingy to give thanks to stuff that happened during the week, though it's tuesday today already, but its okay! :D so let's see...
1. the happy ending for pw and the great moments we shared as a group 2. finished reading the last juror, not exactly a super nice book, but glad with i've effectively killed some time 3. my room is pretty much cleared up of its mess (: 4. dad bought this new set of sofa that's more comfy than the current one hahaha. 5. overcame the pained yesterday heh. 6. i finished the chem holiday ws!
so hopefully by this week, i can get more work done, cos coming to think of it, the holidays are slipping away faster than i thought. so i guess i dont have that much time either. as for now, i better go prepare...
studying out @ esplanade lib later at 11!
09:34
11 November 2006
it's spring cleaning for me today and i did quite a bit of clearing up. but too bad the amount of junk just adds up every year, so only the shelves got their rubbish off.
there were a lot of things i considered throwing - those things of the past. every piece of them brings some bit of memories, i mean at the end of the day, they are the only things that remind me of those memories left. because no matter how i dont want to admit, there are some things that i wont remember unless i see something. they are not there anymore to be recollected anytime i want.
but in the end, i threw some away. i laughed at how i had lived then, smiled and said goodbye. there are some things that dont mean as much anymore. maybe keeping them will just serve as a hurting reminder that everything moves on, and people come and go, things appear and disappear, and the 'ranking list' deep in my heart probably has undergone yet another reshuffling.
yet another year has almost passed, it's the end of something and the beginning of something and the middle of something. some things have definitely changed, though some havent fortunately and unfortunately.
new stuff will fill the empty spaces i hope, then the old and new will coexist again.
things never work the way you want them to be; those deserved to be forgotten still linger; how i wish we can all clean off all the rubbish that cloud the mind. 13:00
10 November 2006
tag replies
samantha: eh you liked the4th nov post? haha why do i have the impression that i have talked to you about it on the bus?
iamburpy: guess all the studying is making you more random than usual xD c'mon jiayou jiayou the fight's almost over!
val: haha thank you thank you!
kityeng: yep you are great too! oh my that makes kityeng the great turtle xD
sophia: ehh i think the postal services worldwide kind of take some time haha but ((: are you trying? and let me know when you guys are going out to study again!
feL: okay HI1_1 rocks xD so now pw is all left to become memories already! anyway good luck for your remaining papers...
]]
so i went kboxing with yueqi, val and yong yesterday, spammed for almost 5 hours i think. thank goodness i didnt end up with a sore throat or anything (: and dear yueqi can sing very very well, and of course noob yong too. (haha i refuse to acknowledge him as the great one heh.) and we had dinner at CA, erm so i guess its back to saving up again haha. too bad, i didnt get to try the very-much-anticipated mango ice, yueqi and val! promise to go with me next time yah?
and then i was unlucky enough to board bus 700A later on, and to realise that the bus stops at every traffic light, and almost every bus stop! the usual 30-40 minutes ride took close to an hour instead. rah! ): what luck.
]]
all of a sudden, i think i want school. i think i miss seeing everyone in class. 09:43
08 November 2006
PW was finally over yesterday! (: OP didnt go exactly bad, but it didnt go exactly really well either. hahaha, just thought my answers for q and a were pathetically weird heh. but never mind, everything's over and seriously HI 171 has indeed come a real loooong way.
heartfelt thanks to my dearest groupmates! kityeng, yueqi, reihorng and yong! make it a bit more cliche but true, guess you guys are really great partners in action (both work and procrastination of course...) too bad we forgot to take a pw group photo and my caption will definitely be, we are all part of wildlife (:
right from the start, frankly speaking the topic of wildlife conservation never really crossed my mind, but i guess for everything there gotta be a first try and a start haha. so there we were, trying to think wildlide conservationists and rh's wonderful insect-rearing skills still amaze me a lot even till now.
going down our memory lane!
first the pi that i couldnt remember much from; then the very thick gpp; our back-to-young trip to macritchie and the encounter with 15 monkeys there; the answers from miss ria tan that kind of shocked us; the subsequent empty mailbox due to rejections of email interviews; the messed up sources for eom; the late nights pia-ing our dearest written report; the amount of paper we waste by printing our written report; not to mention the amount of money we owe from the library fines; the sleepover at yong's hse to finish the report; and the full house craze in the midst of PW; then then the 40% for OP all the rehearsals; that last push towards the finishing line;
and we are done with it. (:
pw'06. [with dearest HI171 - not to mention honourable dr siva]
]]
oh no co in an hour plus time, gotta go bathe. jaa ne. (: 09:29
06 November 2006
cant remember when the feeling has since started....
i think im looking forward to having co pracs again (: its like i want to see those faces again, and i want to spend time with everyone, and at the end of the day, it just seems that you will remember happy moments.
but im really really glad i found such feelings back :D indescribable. recovering back something that you have lost along the way can be a really pleasant surprise.i think i want to believe that You are working your little miracle, and giving me this little gift! (:
anyway, its OP tmr and i hope i wont screw up, which at this rate i might still do. rahhh. go eunice! go hi171! we you can do it... its one last lap to the finishing line...and as for now, its back to rehearsing the speech again. heh.
is your little girl as strong as you want her to be; be happy there, will you; so i can tell myself not to cling on; 21:25
04 November 2006
just some random musings early in the morning...
i think i love the hsbc advertisement - the one that has two contrasting pictures and statements. isnt it so true that to everything, there will be two very different views to them? someone told me she loved the old days last year, she missed those times. but there i was, listening, but i was too scared to tell her that i was more than glad to leave those days behind. in your small groups, you saw happiness and bliss. in my isolation, im sorry but i saw none of those. perhaps not in you.
i rather be miserable first and embrace the bliss upon discovery of something great happening in my life again, so i will know to treasure every bit of it. to indulge in happiness first and then to realise that everything has slipped away is far too painful i guess. the kind of 'im missing it' wont be the same i suppose?
what you seeing now, is probably what i saw last year. just that it took me a year before you to come to the same conclusion.
i may be blind, stuck in my own play then; but its okay now; even if you talk to me no more; 10:08
03 November 2006
guess mum and dad werent happy when i asked whether i can go for church tomorrow or not. maybe i took too big a step, everyone needs time and space. so im just going to see what goes on from here and yeah.
but today's not a good day. the atmosphere at home isnt good, its too sore. whatever i say seems to be on the wrong track, even pw. ):
but never mind, i shall wait. i can wait. and i will wait.
anyway its all chiongs for project work right now, its at the last lap already, and suddenly i feel guilty for slacking for op. good thing i screwed up presentation today.
im awake from my slumber already...
go 'HI171! LOVE! 22:31
02 November 2006
i like holidays when the schedule is just nice, not too fast till i dont know what's going on. guess i really welcome such feeling of control over myself, able to set aside time to do things that i like, try new stuffs, or just leave some moments for the usual stoning.
even when thoughts ran a lil wild, at least i still have the time to settle them down if i can.
anyway, i read on the newspaper something about postcrossing so, out of curiosity i went to sign up for a postcrossing account which allows me to send postcards to random people from random countries and receive random ones from others. heh thought it sounded quite cool and fun, so im trying and my first recipient is supposed to be someone from finland xD . and val's trying too (: woots, think its going to be fun receiving overseas postcards and stamps.
and yeah i guess it's high time i need to plan something out of this holidays. and save up in the meantime while i still can.
