my return trip home from serangoon was a gruelling and tiring 3-hour long journey today. would say it's probably my stubbornness that caused it i suppose :\ was supposed to take 960 at little india but after half an hour all buses were full and no one could board from the bus stop. and some bus drivers werent that nice to at least stop the bus and let us try. and i waited and waited. and i took a bus down to newton cos there are more buses there. and i waited and waited. now this is what late-night shopping does to the buses that came from town -.- 11pm. decided to take a train no matter how long it would take, the changing of 4 trips cant be as tiring as sitting at the bus stop looking at vehicles pass by. and throughout all these while. NO AVAILABLE TAXI. im really awed.



so one of eunice's dumbest moments is archived. and sometimes being too stubborn about something really does no good at all. and in the end all those sufferings are actually in vain.



but i guess i should not let this do injustice to those good things that happened and should be thanked for.



thankfully, block tests are over (: nothing much to be happy about other than the fact that the crazy momentum of mugging everyday till so late will come to an end, because i dont expect to see fantastic grades. then again, grades for BT2 are not all that matter, and there's always something beyond this.





and we had split caregroup today and ca3 had a wonderful time of fellowship at yanyin's house (: and her house is very nicely furnished and pretty! the baking of oreo chocolate cheesecake, squeezing in the small tv room reliving childhood watching cartoons like lilo and spongebob, weiwen saying grace in chinese, the exotic food that ryan brought - cavier plus wine (with bread and wine, real holy comm haha), watching step up, getting amused by yanyin's youngest sister, dinner at the serangoon market. times of fellowship, truly enjoyable. and im beginning to appreciate this split cg more and more (: yays.


back to what reality? this is post blocks haha.
00:42


hmmmm. i think i need to let off some steam. pfft. and somehow i think i need a little more space in my brain, just when i finished cramming all aerobic respiration in my head, i guess i have already half forgotten the GPCRs and RTKs studied a while ago.

i have the feeling that tomorrow i will be rummaging through my brains, trying to remember the visual images of all those weird illustrations and diagrams.

never mind i'll trust that my head will be cool enough for me to think tomorrow morning. it will be. it must be.

and nervous system notes make me nervous haha. dont you think so?

all done in less than 12 hours' time. hooray in advance (:
21:56



ha! and i admitted it, right in the middle of my chemistry exam. that paper was probably the toughest and longest chem paper i've done in hc, and and not to mention my revision which wasnt exactly thorough, so you get the idea. yeah.

and i'm totally stoned for the revision for maths and biology. i'm trying my best now already, and then again i figured out that i should have at least tried my best back then because it aint funny when there's a mountain of questions that i used to do wrongly and i still cant get them right.

i just wished exams would be over in the next minute.
17:32


i think im suffering pretty severe mood swings right now. behind those closed doors, buried in the room with notes everywhere. the sudden motivation saying that i can do this and everything and everything will be possible as long as i believe, and the next moment i can be really down and feel like throwing in the towel.

my eyes are tired. i feel like just snuggling in my bed that's just waiting so quietly at the corner, and go straight to lalaland.

but then again if you don't even do your best, no one's gonna bless you man, eunice.

rah.

whinesssssssssssssssssssssssss.

and sometimes (and very frequently now) i feel the gulf. and yes this is no generation gap.
21:39


this is going to the block tests that i'm the most unprepared academically, but probably one of the very few im really well prepared mentally.

tomorrow's the start of the battle.

fight with peace? o.O

oh yeah (:
21:35


so i was walking home from the bus stop late at night just now again. the route was very dark, and right now i have a couple of things in my mind that i cant seemingly put aside, but i just... felt very safe. really it's as though with you around, i can just sing my way home.

... at ease. haha.

for everything, when its meant to be, it will happen. just breathe and not be anxious. if its not not, then it will be later.

as long as its not okay, its not the end. because we will emerge victorious from this race.

as for the risks im taking, though i would be silly to say they dont matter to me, but there's no other way already. this block test 2 has already meant something different to me. slowly, i'll convince you that im not wasting my life for nothing. its investing in something real and good. and i'll look forward to the day when you finally give that nod of agreement.
00:24


i suppose in this frenzy to try do some decent revision for blocks, i've put some things aside these days. and until today when you asked me that question, i knew something was terribly wrong immediately.

i feel very very intruded right now. now i look at the things around me, and i just have this instinct that they have all been touched by someone else. things were flipped, things were read. not that im exactly possessive over my stuff, but its just that i would very much still prefer to have that basic level of piracy.

i dont need anyone to deprive me of that.

if you ask, i will say. but you did otherwise and that pissed me off quite a bit. but i think im worried too because now i sense distrust.

:\

where are my rights!

and where are you. i want to talk to you. and i figured out something, what keeps us online is probably the idea of waiting for someone to come online. which someone, you decide. but when that right messenger alert pops up, thats when you know. and when it has become such a natural habit, you forgot what makes you come online right from the start.
21:29




Moon River, wider than a mile,

I'm crossing you in style some day.

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,

Wherever you're going I'm going your way.

Two drifters off to see the world;

There's such a lot of world to see.

We're after the same rainbow's end,

Waiting 'round the bend,

My huckleberry friend,

Moon River and me.

moon river;

22:47


intensive mugging may really just blow the mind off. heh. especially when you realise its not revision, but rather relearning every topic. and im relearning without a teacher. how effective that is, you judge yourself heh. my brain feels fried and sizzled, even when im in an extremely cold room right now.

really, if i can only do this much after trying my best, you do the rest alright?

breathe. if not breathe harder!
17:04


i used to think there's a reason for everything that happen. and now, i cant agree with it any lesser. because i know what's the reason. (:

that body of water sheds its usual murkiness,
and the light illuminates what used to be darkness.

and now with this path of mine clearly in sight,
it's about time to walk down and meet those of others'.

][

im NOT losing myself in this crazy revision.
23:38


liberation feels good indeed. and only today, have i realised how burdened i was by that incident all these while. because all along, i didnt have a "before" and "after" to compare, until today i felt so lifted up. i could just lift my hand and really sing.

i'm not chucking memories of her aside. she just meant too much to me for me to do so. but now, it's an entire different meaning already.

and life goes on from here.
22:07


post first frontier camp.


(some details)


it's a camp of excitement i should say, with the activities all lined up. started the first day with games under the scorching sun, made some new friends but i think i can only remember the teamleader shawn and the ny sec four sharlene. then went to check out the dorms, nice accomodation i would say. thank goodness my bed doesnt have bedbugs of any sort (: and we can see the whole running track from the windows.


teachings were refreshing and all the extended praise and worship were great. especially the prayer and revival concert. even the morning quiet times and night sharing. (:


second day was mainly teachings and third day was GAP. good job jc district! =D and after the prayer revival concert, cg just started hardcore photowhoring. cant rmb how many we took. =p and we celebrated ryan's birthday after midnight and just talked and talked and played munchkins till early in the morning like 6 plus.


and now i can say i really want to be part of the emerging seed generation. my first camp and it has already impacted me this much and i've truly learnt much. went to camp expecting great things, but i forgot to expect the unexpected. and they just hit me, the many revelations, way beyond my expectations.


thanks for lifting up all those burdens. thanks for holding my hand and breaking that unsurmountable wall. thanks for reminding me that i can be my truest self right in front of You, no pretence. if you can do all these, i cannot find another reason to withhold anymore. let the heart open, let the mouth sing praise, let the hands reach out, let the burdens go. truly awesome truly great.

and thanks for fungmin for being there for me throughout the camp. i really enjoyed and treasured the sharings we did in the wee hours of the morning. haha. <3

no one says it's going to be easy. but the day will come when we will be so big till we cant fit into the camera frame. diligence and trust.

14:52


back from camp.

probably physically tired with me having a breakthrough of not sleeping last night. but deep inside, no longer tired. no longer that burdened.

something within is already stirring.

and one thing i know for sure now, You are real. truly real. coincidences they cant be, its already against the law of probability.

(:

will update more on camp soon. breathe first.

You dance over me while I am unaware
You sing all around but I never hear the sound

You paint the morning sky with miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand

How deep how wide
How great is Your love for me

Lord I'm amazed by You
And how You love me

amazed;
20:48


so i'll stand
with arms high
and heart abandoned

i'm really this close to abandon my heart. shocked i was, to see all those scenes flashing in my head. touched i was, when the lyrics sang back to me.

i thought i was back to 23rd december last year, just that reliving such moments bring about another kind of feeling.
01:05


oh yes, i give thanks to my five working senses (: something so basic and fundamental and i've taken them for granted, really what if one day i can no longer hear, see, taste, feel or smell? (or worse a combination of these) unthinkable, isnt it?

it's just interesting how our imagination can be put to use. how random thoughts just run wildly inside us.

2 more days. <3

what was left really cannot be articulated, but felt.
21:58


[edit]
i finished packing my room finally. the overdue and seemingly impossible task done, and im awed at how many lost worksheets that i have found =p

[/edit]

alright i suppose it's time for some updates of my life, before my pea-sized memory fails me again =p

and today's already thursday of week 2 of the great june holidays and blocks are coming in 2 weeks' time. but i guess the excitement cannot be contained cos first frontier camp is coming in 3 days' time (: and i've figured out that i shall be motivated to study as much as i can, so i will not be, in any way, distracted and really spend the time wisely and fruitfully during camp, treasuring every minute there.

so on monday caught POTC at ps with suet in the morning. even when so many people say it's below satisfaction, i thought it was quite good an ending to the trilogy and i loved the opening scene, the one with all the pirates hanged while singing. though something to lament was that it was a lil draggy :\

and tuesday was caregroup at kallang stadium, which was really a refreshing experience i would say. (: surprise birthday celebration for leeyang, awesome and funny games, our dearest caveman aka samuel with his raw black squid, sharing about getting ready for camp. camp objectives set, and i really look forward to meeting them. for growth, for fellowship! and here's a koped picture of tue's cg from tracy! kallang stadium - picture perfect!



word for life on mon, wed and fri afternoons in week2. great lessons that kind of spoke to me, though some of the stuff are pretty basic, but nonetheless still applicable and useful. some hurdles i have yet overcome, but i really promise to try. nothing's really impossible with You around right?

and as for you, i figured out i shouldnt be angry with you over trivial stuff, but i cant hide my disillusionment somehow :\ and this time conclusions do not lead to observations. but i probably cannot bring myself to defend you like the other time round again.
09:04


tag replies;

tifen - hahah yeah i will never starve myself i suppose. i bet i wont be able to take it, guarantee plus chop xD though i know you would be super willing to sponsor me, but its okay HAHA :D (you can treat me b and j though! HAHAHA)

sophia - yep all settled! and that pair of heels really look good on you (: i ... shall go back to my flats. haha.

jon - (bubble burst?)

suee - thanks girl <3
09:38


for some extremely weird reason, i was thinking about my money management for the whole of today. it really gets on my nerve when every other moment, i just find myself thinking about money and money and money. seriously, im probably going nuts.

which by the way, im currently about 30 dollars in debt.

(so an appeal to all who read, if i really owe you money, please ask from me if i havent returned to you by end of hols, because that would mean that i've probably forgotten about it unfortunately.)

sometimes its kind of exasperating because since its holidays right now, there's this instinct to enjoy more leisure activities and most of the time going out means spending money. and moreover, its the great singapore sale. rah. one of the best times to buy stuff at discounted prices. but YET, all the desires to spend must be curbed.

rah, and i think starving myself doesnt work.

sigh, will money please drop from the sky?
19:22


hide me now
under your wings
cover me
within your mighty hand

really sometimes i just have to give that little trust more, and i'll feel so much safer. i feel small, but safe. like that sheep that grazes at the grassland at ease, and is not 'gan cheong'. and sometimes i seriously wonder, what the hell do i fear at times? and what are those heartaches for? what are those tears for?

since things are getting better, i really shouldnt. there's simply no justification to what im feeling.

i remember this was the first christian song i have in my computer. and i remember shawn sent it to me. and how much more the song means to me now than then. even more so, now. the words literally linger.

oh wells, i missed it during service worship. gahhh.

when the oceans rise and thunders roar
i will soar with you above the storm
father you are king over the flood
i will be still and know you are God

][

anyway congrats and lots of heartfelt best wishes to miss wang who's officially married today (:

love is sweet nonetheless.
22:43

eunice
eighteen
hope
hwachong
06s75
hcco
1 corinthians 16:14




06s75
hwachong cg

abigail
caina
cheegake
claire
clarence
cutcake
felicia
fungmin
huiying
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marcus
nicholas
peiting
samantha
samuel
seokhui
shawn
simon
siyun
sophia
sutyee
terry
tifen
tracy
valerie
wahtoon
xiangyu
yueqi
yvonne
zelanie
zhengyou


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