tomorrow's saturday, and it's definitely a reason to put a smile on my face. (:
and today's cg was like a end-of-week refreshment and ca3 is love really. daniel and the den of lions - what a timely reminder for me to put all those stupid fears away and just trust. stand firm and face those persecutions eunice! it will be okay in the end, if its not okay, it is not the end.
and i thought of you today. and i really hope you are doing great. if not great, then at least fine. the ground is not always filled with so many potholes.
i pray for strength for you. 21:32
30 August 2007
i swear i have never studied so hard in my entire life before. sometimes it just seems pretty impossible, and the next thing you know you have studied for yet another day and the day starts and ends with revision and more revision.
im slowly losing count of days. only with the idea of examinations coming becoming clearer and clearer. oh prelims have already started with gp this morning. examinations are already here.
life nowadays has become boring i guess. i suppose a few years later, i wont be interested to read about entries of what i've studied for the day. grr.
okay something. i think martin smith from delirious? is my new eyecandy. haha what a charming man.
today, eunice took a sword and attempted to slay the math monster. erm, let's just say in every battle, there's bound to be casualties yeah? and im almost absolutely sure that it sucked a lot of energy and life from me. hurhur.
sigh. many times, i keep finding myself running away from maths. wait till next time. from last year to this year, from block test one to block test two and now to prelims? i must not go for As without knowing how to do calculus properly! ):
so maybe i should say, today's really a good start. i actually sat down for two hours plus doing differentiation. though i have to admit my speed is atrociously slow haha. but never mind, at least i didnt give up though i didnt know how to do many.
and once again, thanks for your faithfulness each day, though i might be the one who strayed away. and those encouragements from you through people around, may be one or two or three, you not only put a smile on my face. tears really almost fell out of gratefulness.
i'll worship at your throne whisper my own love song with all my heart i'll sing
daisuki desu. 20:31
26 August 2007
so my prediction came true.
and i foresee in the coming days, things are not going to be any better. i have to play it safe, i can't afford to lose in this game. the game of tolerance must go on no matter what. but somehow i just figured out just now that being prepared for all these conflicts does not exactly help me to accept it more readily.
it's like inside me, i'm really hoping that it will not happen. so you can imagine, the disappointment when those first few words entered my ear. i thought i could feel the tears. but hell no. im not going to show you the tears and prove you wrong.
sometimes i really hope you can hear me out. and try to understand that you are hurting me. maybe the time is not right yet, i still dont see a way out. thanks to those who tried to offer some form of comfort, but really you get the idea what it exactly feels like when all these while all i want is some form of encouragement from her. just a little will do, im not asking for a basketful or something.
why is it that some things can be experienced by others so easily and yet so hard for some?
can i trust that you are unfair but indeed just? 20:14
25 August 2007
my last day of official lessons ended yesterday. it just felt like any other day really, and it feels as though we are going back for lessons the next week everyday and for the subsequent weeks as well. holidays are coming but there is no sense of anticipation for all these. maybe tmr when i wake up, the truth would have hit hard on my face - there's no lessons in schools anymore. like those you can fool around in and just treat it like any other day. as though the national exams are not coming, as though this year is neverending.
if you get what i mean. and i wish we were back then. yes this life currently is stressful, but stress is not everything. i dislike the routine really. i dont like the feeling that im doing something im not enjoying, and yet such an activity makes me lose count of days. really, i rather five years down the road when i look back, i have more to remember than just this.
and really during times like these, i dont even want to think about people leaving in the near future. moving on isnt easy. because what you want to hold on may not be what the other party wants sometimes. andmoreover, such times remind me a lot of disillusionment.
maybe im just a worrywart.
or maybe the prospect of staying at home more often and facing the anticipated conflicts is affecting me. all the double standards.
but then again, five years down the road when i read this, i'll be laughing at my stupidity.
i figured out something brewing inside is bittersweet. no, it is not eating me up. and im fine to just leave it as that. and i hope i can. (: 08:28
22 August 2007
i think im loving imeem more and more, the range of songs that are available there just astounds my poor imagination. and it's amazing how i can just browse through randomly, clicking at some unknown song titles and end up listening something great from the speakers.
like yesterday. a whole night of acoustics <3
and after all the singing in school today and checking out the class blog's video, i concluded that the 881 song is seriously rather interesting. particularly liked the chorus, both the tune and lyrics. the tune of the chorus just brings back something familiar, but yet its something ambiguous i cannot figure out what.
这样的人 这样地等 无非是等个回应眼神 18:50
20 August 2007
i shall be a good girl and not lie. i am stressed really.
teach me to cling onto those promises, teach me to be faithful all the time. if ever there's one day there's something you cant do, thats because im the one who stopped believing. and i dont want to fall back to those old days seriously.
so even when you dont seem to be listening, im certain you are listening at one corner. like a parent teaching a toddler to walk, he cant hold on to the child all the time. pamper more and the child won't learn. mould me please, into someone stronger.
i think im starting on a mugging movement never before in my life. :\
sometimes talking to you doesnt work because you cannot understand. relating is nothing identical to understanding. and you are no way close to relating as well. sometimes you are one reason why i still hesitate to get attached more to relationships around me. rare times when i open up, and you left me bleeding there. oh wells. heal my heart and make it clean. 22:43
19 August 2007
finally a weekend, but not necessarily a breather.
i'm seriously starting to dislike such a life when its packed with so much study-oriented activities. i dont mind a busy life, because it makes sure i have the motivation to keep everything on track so nothing will screw up too badly. the whole routine of this big revision movement is becoming more meaningless. not the revision, but the routine that is eating me up i think. sigh. i must be seeing something in the wrong perspective somehow.
and lethargy makes me short-tempered, irritable, insecure and whatsoevermore.
somehow the degree of refreshment wasnt exactly great today. it was pretty momentary, and soon after the lethargy took over once again. and once i dream about my dream week - the perfect 9-day week when the fourth, eighth and ninth day are rest days, though the weeks are longer, the mid-week rest is very much appreciated and wished for during this crazily tiring period.
i cannot believe prelims are starting next next week. i cannot believe school is officially over end of next week. 12 years of education. my last day of official lessons. 00:46
15 August 2007
i find this picture highly amusing and entertaining. (: it's a pufferfish by the way in case you cant tell.
and God must have loved me so much to have sent this particular great artist into my life. really, life will be very very very very different if i hadnt known you.
because sometimes along the way, people come and people go. every day, i get pleasant surprises and i get nasty disappointments as well. but thankfully there's some of you who didnt leave, even when the walls are built high up. and guess what, you broke those walls yourselves. it's not me. bu shi wo.
but then again i have to admit that im also afraid of what some did. broke the walls and left it there, with only the cold bitter wind blowing straight at me. and what can i do but treat it as a passing incident and let that wall build back?
and another random note, i take back my words when i said i won't grow fat no matter how much i eat. apparently metabolism rate recently has plunged with MINIMAL exercise and ugly flabs are appearing ): and the first sign is that the school skirt is finally not loose -.- argh. and they say fats are six times lighter than muscles. oh no. 16:52
14 August 2007
oh yes, thank you for seeing me through the horrible sickness. the degree of discomfort has plunged to an all-time low today (: but oh well, considering the fever is still rather a mischievous fellow, choosing to come especially when im enjoying in the aircon, i shall take extra caution.
and im glad i've worked it out with myself, to come into terms with the upcoming math mock exams this week and the next. whatever i can, i try to do my best. whatever i cant, i try to do my best after the exam. and everyday shall be a revision day, at least for that two hours. grr.
it's not that you have not fought this type of battle before. dont let the huge scale scare you. and just because it doesnt bite you now doesnt mean you dont fight it off.
so just because i dont know how to do certain stuff doesnt give me liberty to shrug it off.
heh. 23:23
13 August 2007
it's a monday of a new week and im at home ): shot down by the sickness bug i think.
so for the past thirty hours or so, its been fever, panadol, sleep, eat, sleep, fever, panadol, tummy upset, charcoal pills, eat, sleep and yadayada.
sigh. but seems its a little better now thankfully. fever please dont come again.
(and i found out that when i have a fever, my forehead isnt hot at all. if it is, something is burning already.) 09:33
11 August 2007
im really glad there's a long weekend this time round. though im a little guilty to say i didnt achieve much academically despite those high hopes before the holiday weekend started, but im glad its time well spent to catch a breather and to recharge.
and what makes it better is that it is a saturday today (:
and i like the idea of spending this long holiday with different people, catching up on each other's lives and enjoy the company that has been put around me. (and yes i have a handphone inbox that resembles a cosmopolitan city, though at times when the message alert comes, i cant deny the hope of seeing some particular names on that top corner) that degree of solitude at home should really be accompanied by some form of human interaction haha. and yes, that is how and why we continue writing in each other's stories.
anyway, the supposedly sectional outing became a j2 outing minus xiaowei eddie and xuanping, to celebrate kang's birthday. the pigging out at suki sushi with the famous line that went something like "a plate of each for all these" and we end up having 9 types of sashimi. =p and amusing each other during orders cos we ordered so much. and of course stuffing ourselves with food. then the amusing LAN session which saw kang owning all the rest of us noobies upside down. 3 noobs vs 1 pro zhikang. tsktsk. then the cutting of the tower birthday cake with the imaginary candle afterwards. hmm, i would say time well spent with these people (:
sometimes oh yes we always only learn to cherish and treasure when it's too late. 11:51
09 August 2007
guess the late-night and morning rain kind of freshened up the day, that fresh grass smell, that cooling sensation from the breeze. (: have i ever said i love the wind, especially those after a rain.
definitely a nice way to start this long long 'weekend' and to get some serious stuff done of course. ie. studying haha.
to the prawn, wanna thank you for the past few days, those endless 'dont die' and 'jiayou'(s) when i was feeling unusually fidgety. maybe there's some form of invisible pent-up stress haha. but thank goodness, both of us survived those crazy few days. and heh soon it will be my turn to slog like mad for the national exam, remember last year? =p
post-national day celeb and bio test was spent lunching out with some of the class people at nydc. once-in-a-while splurging of food would be tighter finances in the coming days and weeks, but oh well in the name of food which is totally worth it i would say. like yingchern said, we live to eat.
and for the smiles you put on my face, somewhere in me screams for it to stop. plain irony.
10:21
06 August 2007
i think my stress level tonight is pretty high. ): sorry if you happened to be one of those that i have ranted to online. that just happened to be quite unfortunate.
hmmm like as the night falls, the crazy amount of homework falls from the sky too.
so many things to be done by tmr, and yes like you i have only 24 hours. i did not have any special discounts.
sigh. drive that sarcasm away please.
and i think the lack of sleep is making my head hurt a bit. oh wells. 21:45
05 August 2007
indeed, though the physical tiredness never seems to go away, the mind is refreshed again and again (: and yes, i shall not be daunted by the many things coming up and continue the race.
yesterday something was spoken straight into me. i should really learn to be thankful and walk out from that horribly disgusting self-built prison. why that bitterness and fear? and isnt courage all about doing things even when fear is in our hearts, for we know in the race we are not alone?
and FOP last night was a refreshing experience totally. the crazy running from the highway to the stadium with tracy's great orientation skills, the greeting by hordes of people queuing to enter, and the same old familiar sharp pain at the ankle when i was running on the grass was an experience too. haha. i guess all along i was myopic enough to have not realised that his incredible love for everyone. and i mean everyone. even when its just an indoor stadium filled, there's more out there! out there in singapore, out there in the world, many many more. right there, i was amazed. the music last night was great too (: and never would i have thought that i could have listened to rain down live. haha one of my favourite praise songs. oh yes, and special thanks to the guys who went down to chope seats for us and the poor guys went without dinner ): secured in you. (: and where would i be if im not. haha.
rain down all around the worldwe're singing rain down can you hear the earth is singing rain down my heart is dry but still I'm singing rain down rain it down on me 16:10
02 August 2007
sometimes i do stupid things. sometimes i still harbour those stupid thoughts even when i know i shouldnt. you know, sometimes i just cannot help it. and the more i try to resist all of them, the more they repel back at me.
and so i emo-ed and had swaying mood swings, and things didnt get better of course and got worse instead. not even back to square one. it became something further from where i originally was. oh wells, all part and parcel of life i suppose, all the stupid things that we did, are doing and will do.
but i suppose your grace is really enough for all. thankyou. (:
to you i surrender, but teach me how to be open and share my life. im tired of all the surface relationships.
it's not about what im going through now. you and me, all the same. it's about what i've gone through back then.
it's never going to be the same again. 22:45
01 August 2007
mental note to self: never view food blogs at night when you are quite sure you are not eating anymore. because the resulting hunger pangs are deadly. and not to mention that my desktop wallpaper is a picture of a plate of cupcakes.
and a hungry eunice is not a very happy eunice.
so i think i should go to sleep now. maybe i will dream of cedele's cakes. or ohsho's gyoza. and i've been hearing tha the dimsum at victor's kitchen is not bad too.
(:
wells, tomorrow is going to be an excitingly tiring day. aja aja fighting! 23:44
