my last day of official lessons ended yesterday. it just felt like any other day really, and it feels as though we are going back for lessons the next week everyday and for the subsequent weeks as well. holidays are coming but there is no sense of anticipation for all these. maybe tmr when i wake up, the truth would have hit hard on my face - there's no lessons in schools anymore. like those you can fool around in and just treat it like any other day. as though the national exams are not coming, as though this year is neverending.
if you get what i mean. and i wish we were back then. yes this life currently is stressful, but stress is not everything. i dislike the routine really. i dont like the feeling that im doing something im not enjoying, and yet such an activity makes me lose count of days. really, i rather five years down the road when i look back, i have more to remember than just this.
and really during times like these, i dont even want to think about people leaving in the near future. moving on isnt easy. because what you want to hold on may not be what the other party wants sometimes. andmoreover, such times remind me a lot of disillusionment.
maybe im just a worrywart.
or maybe the prospect of staying at home more often and facing the anticipated conflicts is affecting me. all the double standards.
but then again, five years down the road when i read this, i'll be laughing at my stupidity.
i figured out something brewing inside is bittersweet. no, it is not eating me up. and im fine to just leave it as that. and i hope i can. (: 08:28
