this is when you know math is doing something screwy to your head.
number one, you crave for chocolate and more chocolate. and you think of kinder bueno. cadbury and even the ritter sport square chocolate with almonds.
number two, you start forgetting how to do questions that you once could do rather easily.
number three, i rather go ride on the stupid exercise bike and suffer from calf cramps.
number four, you just want to blog and rant.
helphelphelphelphelp.
c',mon please.
... 21:20
if i said i wasnt nervous this morning, i would be lying with my eyes wide open. sometimes not having a national examination that actually matters for so long, isnt exactly a good thing.
but thank you. your peace came, not early but on time. (:
at least i didnt feel very incoherent when i was writing, the rest whether it's actually coherent, i'll leave it to the examiners to determine. and let's look forward, why worry about something that will come out next year, and miss out what is important right now.
22 nov. coming soon. math paper, even sooner =p 15:11
29 October 2007
2 more days. should be around 36 more hours i think. i suppose time always flies at the wrong time, but then again, i dont think i want to hold back time just for exams. the thought of it doesnt give me shudders anymore, but i think im pretty jaded at the moment.
oh wells.
and not to mention that i keep spacing out today, guess it wasnt a good choice to skip the usual routine of going to school to study. but then again, i dont want the headache and tummy upset to catch me by surprise again. pfft. let's try harder tomorrow, and we shall see.
and you shall be my ultimate source of joy. a little bit to replenish every day until 22 november 9.15am (:
sometimes i just have to keep reminding myself to not do whatever you are doing to me to others. if its something worth advocating, i wont mind. but im quite sure this isnt. and meanwhile, i can only harden myself up to be the best shield i can be. so you affect me no more. 20:52
26 October 2007
seems like during exam periods, for every ten people i have in mind, seven or eight are not around most of the time. oh or maybe its just me.
but interestingly you reminded me something today, what if i switch another ten people to put in my mind. with the right people they can still be there, rain or shine. the right people, not easy to find but not impossible i suppose. but then again, for every circumstance, the things that hold change.
and your love manifested today. mugging has been made a little more fun lately thankfully.
and gp rocks. sense the sarcasm. 23:11
25 October 2007
hopefully whatever i've studied today stays with me until the paper itself.
hopefully my handphone's just acting up today and its not that its near its death soon.
hopefully tomorrow will be another productive day ahead.
hopefully we will live each day with more motivation and energy despite the demanding revision schedule.
hopefully we will relive that childlike enthusiasm to meet you and to grow in you.
let's be hopeful tonight (: 23:08
23 October 2007
im dead worried for bio now.
hit the emergency button because paper two is coming in about two weeks, and im still a total noob in bio. i feel like a kid who has never done bio in her whole life.
argh. i need wisdom and a lot of brain juice. and a lot of storage space. A LOT, so i wont squeeze out whatever i have inside.
i need to calm down. for this reason, i hate adrenaline. it's a very uncomfortable feeling. 23:38
22 October 2007
it was only when shawn pointed out then i realised i was feeling much happier than the previous nights. so yay. :D
hmmm and today was indeed a pretty good day considering chem mock went quite well, and i DID integration (though its not the pt that i still cant do quite a bit) and the fellowshipn over dinner. 5 fussy eaters and 1 plate of delicious kailan make an interesting dining experience.
and sometimes pleasant surprises come in the unexpected timings, but yet so timely. sometimes we may be wishing so hard for something to happen, but in the end, what that happens is usually something we deem as unimportant or insignificant initially. and guess what, in the end, its still a joy.
maybe its really time to look around. but do i really need to let go what im holding tightly onto? hmmm. 22:11
21 October 2007
argh. let me marry my brain with all the thousand and one pieces of paper around in my room.
complementary base pairing. hurhur.
...
revolution 22:38
i dont want to forget how lost i once was. not because there's a reason to get emotional about and wallow in self-pity. but because i dont want to forget how helpless it felt then, and as i bask in your love, i dont want to forget that feeling of desperation way back.
so i can wake up every morning and give thanks to such love.
the past two days were truly days of random thoughts and more random thoughts.
and i was inspired by some people. (: and i enjoyed some small talks. and i was pleasantly surprised by a sms and a gift.
------------------------------------------ i always thought we had a lot of time together and will have even more time spent together. but guess what just one fine day, we will all realise that the path that we are walking down is reaching an end. suddenly the end's at sight. and at the end, we just have to go separate ways.
when the end's at sight, i want to walk slower. but my legs wont let me.
it's all a cycle isnt it.
all these things.
and did anyone realise the sky last night was red? 10:37
19 October 2007
the one-hour power mugging session at the concourse this morning put a smile onto my face. not only because that was probably the most conducive time spent ever on studying. but because in that quietness and solitude, i thought i could feel You. (:
far away from people at the flag raising. far away from the other people mugging at benches everywhere.
but close to you.
love. 22:32
17 October 2007
this is certainly a time to be strong in battle. and it is also a reminder that battles come in many many forms and not just academic-wise. to be prepared to face whatever that's in school, and whatever that's at home and whatever that's anywhere else.
if its just a battle of the facts and knowledge, then everyone can do it. and i suppose sometimes theres really more to the test. all aspects, i need to grow.
grow stronger, grow closer to you. there's still so much i need to learn how to handle, especially times like this. when life seems tough, i think i tend to forget what i could originally do.
this is a plead of help.
but meanwhile, i promise to hold the sails tightly and not let the boat sink.
take my world, just inhabit all of it 20:54
15 October 2007
sometimes i just wish i was invisible.
so those darts can just go through me, instead of into me. 21:03
13 October 2007
in case you are wondering whether im still alive, yes i am (:
i still want to believe that the slow and steady tortoise ultimately wins the race.
anyway, today's programme was a little different as compared to other saturdays. wished i was at nexus this afternoon but i guess there were other plans for me. for a very long time, i havent had quality family time like today's, moreover it's with the extended family. and talking to cousins are interesting, and it doesnt matter whether you are thirty plus, eighteen or even ten, because if you were made to click with each other, everything just comes naturally.
and of course, happy birthday grandma! though i dont have a photo to complete this entry haha. and your dearest position in my heart is definitely irreplaceable. best ah mah man. (:
all kinds of love, dont ever set your eyes on the wrong kind.
and your love is enough to sustain me day after day. 21:07
09 October 2007
in short, i have graduated.
end of story? maybe. but a levels are coming, at the speed of lightning.
if i want my 4As, i really need to mug my ass off. and i need to find back that self-confidence.
hmmm.
yawn. 23:11
06 October 2007
something really stirred in me today. i wont say my heart isnt on fire, but the fire is definitely not as strong as it was some time back. so it's time to do something to it i suppose. sometimes we lament over the lack of opportunities in life, but things dont always wait for us. when there is an opportunity that is not seized, there you go, it goes to someone else and there you are, leaving yourself with the phrase "if only i..."
if only i said, here i am send me.
really, send me.
and by the way, nothing can express the gratitude that i have for having the caregroup around and i really love this bunch of people. and of course, credits and thanks go to the guy up there who made it possible. (:
I'm carried in everlasting arms You'll never let me go Through it all
that faithfulness. <3
and acts 29. is our chapter. 22:56
04 October 2007
i think im seeking for some answers to answer some questions. especially during this point of my life.
what answers were i looking for exactly? frankly speaking, i have not much idea. i know im seeking something, but i have no idea what. and no answers seem to be satisfactory. oh maybe thats because i cannot even define my questions properly.
maybe one day when i've known what im looking for, then i will stop waking up in the middle of the night sometimes, and be troubled by things of the unknown. this whole abstract business bothers me really.
i think i really dont know you at all. you are becoming a stranger to me with each passing day. and maybe sooner or later, our lives will split such that we will never meet again. but guess what, i still remember what you told me on the first day we met. and i never thought then, that you would be doing to me what your friends did to you back then. and i remembered, there were tears in your eyes when you said that.
down the memory lane, but never quite the one for academic work. sigh. 22:33
02 October 2007
i remember i once said i hate empty or broken promises, and if the promises will end up being broken or mean nothing, i would rather have not made them.
i once said that.
and today i think i have broken that important promise i made unknowingly. i'm just disappointed at myself at that. i despise that act that i have done. and who am i to expect the same from others when i could not even do it myself?
forgiveness so undeserved. oh wells.
a couple more days to the legendary A levels, and im gradually getting the idea that it is not just an academic race anymore. 21:51
01 October 2007
certified braindead heh.
it must be a miracle to be able to type this out. the amount of work to be done for those revision tutorials and lectures are really draining me big time. and lessons from 8 to 5 today were mad as well. i think the brain is expanding at an atrocious rate never before. and not to mention that it totally hurts. ):
sometimes i wonder if everyday's gonna be a complaining entry, theres not much point really. but i just need an outlet rargh. okok, stop the whinery urgh.
let's just hold on to the belief that tomorrow is made a better day and there's something better waiting around the corner. if not we will never reach the end sanely.
the aim is to reach the end successfully, perform to the best of my ability and remain sane. (: 21:40
