even when i've accepted you leaving my life and that i've moved on finally after ages, im still not ready for another one to leave just like that.
the thought of it is enough to make me cry.
): 20:21
29 January 2008
yay im finally halfway through my assignment at john little expo sale (: would say all have been well so far, so far so good! i think this job has clearly given me an idea of how it feels like to be caught between your supervisor and your customers. so the only workable solution is to admit you're wrong regardless whether its true or not and apologise.
sorry is, by far, a good word to use in the retail industry. afterall customers are the kings and queens.
life feels like routine, other than the unpredicatable ot timings, but what should be done are still done thankfully. and life's a lot happier without those exasperating conflicts within the four walls, it sure does feels good to start and end a day this way. hopefully the chinese new year festive mood can further brighten up the mood...
it takes more than a week's effort to cultivate a habit, but it just takes a moment of laziness to destroy it all. 19:24
26 January 2008
eunice accidentally succumbed to the monstrous whinery and is trying to get out of it.
and she finally realised that the root of the problem was lack of sleep. and she becomes more aware about the fact that she's claustrophobic by each passing day as she takes the east west line.
and i think im mad to blog in third person. now i allow the sleep monster to come, make me sleep! urgh.
anyway here's a line i saw that got me thinking,
artists who are christians have a better shot at changing the world than 'Christian artists'. 23:08
25 January 2008
i have a morning job that requires me to wake up tmr at 6.45am for the morning trains, but i cant sleep. pfft. i think subconsciously a lot of things have been running through my mind, not to mention i have a noisy song stuck in my head for the past day.
will be starting my 8-day challenge at expo tmr, and the first day yesterday went quite well considering im all alone after lunch. thank you for the calmness you gave, and i pray for smooth transactions tmr. (: it's gonna be a battle for the arms, legs and mind. furthermore, tmr is going to be an extremely long day i believe. (and i just realised i cant go for misstan's wedding because of work as well, this totally sucks)
finally caught up with felicia after eons, and it was really a great time out together (: i particularly enjoyed the talk when we really talked about anything under the sun! but all the best in australia, the best plan all ready for you unravel...
cg today was interesting, tried to settle for some domestic cooking, but the difference in the dumplings before and after cooking is just simply amazing. the covenant made with little pinkies was meaningful i thought. hahaha. somehow i believe things are moving, im just reminded today that patience is the key. hmmm.
yeah, the january ns guys are out from their 2-week confinement, have fun with your short-lived freedom (: i do have to admit that life is quieter when most of the guys are in army heh.
okay okay, the clock struck midnight. i ought to hit the bed. 23:47
23 January 2008
i think my mp3 player is dying or has died. it cannot be charged and my computer cannot detect it. ): sigh big time. to come to think that i may want to save the money up to get myself a camera, now a mp3 player should be considered first. i still choose music over pictures haha.
meanwhile, its time to squeeze some audio files into tiny files so they can be packed into the legendary 128mb mp3 player i still own (:
IT/ gadget roadshow, please come soon!
anyway, im starting work again tmr at the john little expo sale, the prospect of 8 consecutive working days doesnt please me at all, but i shall be strong and steady to meet the challenge. (: and of course the challenge of conquering the sardine-like mrt carriages early in the morning. o levels results are out tomorrow as well, good luck to all, and im crossing my fingers for some.
ps. i finally did something that i had been procrastinating. 19:49
22 January 2008
ah, i love teaching glenn tuition (: because i dont get the 'im very tired and sian' feeling after teaching and it really shows me how important it is to be responsive to people because it makes the whole process much more enjoyable.
cg was great company on monday during evaxing, and meeting fungmin felt great haha. and my resolution of being more enthusiastic hmmmm. it feels like coming out from that huge tortoise shell of mine, but still workable i guess. lunch with jonathan was a good catching up session too, the food at victor's kitchen was really good and value-for-money. 10 bucks for a filling and great dimsum meal. and im meeting felicia, finally, on thurs for dinner after many many schedule clashes.
(mental note - more conquering of good food haunts in future meeting-ups with people)
on a side note, sometimes i really hate my whinings about the transport fares, it seems as though i can never get enough of it. =\ i get sick of what im doing unconsciously, and i suppose it would have been worse for the rest. i really dont like the idea of planning my routes so rigidly for the sake of money, but i have limited budget. maybe i dont have the choice to control fares, but i guess i do have a choice to stop the whining. hold me accountable please.
ack. 22:05
19 January 2008
today, there's a lot of talk about the idea of family. i think this word brings about hope, happiness and definitely some form of disappointment for me. to me, its a place of warmth and where people can just be their true self with no condemnation.
and because of that, i really believe in the idea of cities of refuge.
i was blessed with a city of refuge, and i promise to continue to build.
because of how the world is made to be out there, there will be people who are desperately finding a place to hide, a place they can call home.
that feeling of desperation sure isnt that foreign to me. 23:18
18 January 2008
it made my day when i found this picture (: double smiles. ((: one of my favourite tv drama/ manga characters! HAHA. 22:15
15 January 2008
i finally met up with my last tuition kid today (: and i like him the best among the three!
i think from these three kids, something important i've learnt is the fact that in everything we do, the willingness is essential. i like the last kid, not because he's extremely smart, nor is he extremely good at maths, but because he's willing to learn, willing to ask. he may be the slowest, but it doesnt matter because his attitude owns the rest. i shudder at the indifference and the carelessness the 'fastest' kid showed everytime she turns up.
for many things, am i adopting the right attitude?
i need to reconsider. 22:01
one reason why i think im going to die when i officially work in the future, if i ever work in shenton way: im really claustrophobic, and the train jams are mad at the interchanges. a train ride from expo to choa chu kang today - simply torturous.
am officially employed for john little expo sale starting 24th, but roster was unexpectedly bad and i couldnt find anyone whos willing to exchange with me. 2 saturdays gone, and work for 8 consecutive days, how bad can that be. =\
im banking on the fact that You wont give me anything i cant tahan. and whatever shitty situations im in right now, You know what they are and there's bound to be a way out of it somehow.
no problem too big, only my imagination of God's power too small.
im tired but i will press on. (:
[edit]
tag replies:
terry: hey thanks! i just sent you an email about it (: hope you can help with it!
alexxx: glad you enjoyed yourself, see you soon haha.
samantha: eh i can recommend gokusen, one litre of tears and nobuata wo produce. (:
hong: hmm, then tahan one more year and you can taste it yourself haha. 00:05
13 January 2008
the life im leading now brings excitement, and at the same time the tinge of fear of the unknown. schedule is always planned week by week, unlike in the past when school meant that things would be similar almost every weekday.
it's not about counting down to some doomsday like last year, but rather its like grasping things around me and making each day count the most as each day passes. pursuing those things that are important to me, and juggling the different obligations, of course, that each and every one of us has at the same time. in fact, i think i prefer it this way. minus away the disgusting transport fares, esp the LRT's. every tapping of the ezlink card makes me think of my expenses ):
and yeah, i want to meet up with so many people. but the situation im in right now does not exactly permit it. wells wells. pfft.
it's not as simple as black and white, i dont want to be stuck in a region of grey. 18:52
11 January 2008
some snapshots of some highlights of the 2 weeks into the new year... (:
the class gathering that really reminded me how im blessed to have known these people in my two years in JC! and we crashed school on a fateful friday, nothing has seemed to change, other than the fact that we have become history in school. but everything else, still so familiar. it's really a feeling of 'so near yet so far'.
and presenting the full JCCA3! (: more lives to be saved! ahh too bad there wasnt any pictures taken during cg, wells. but the coming journey will not be easy but exciting at least. bit by bit im finally feeling it yay.
and my heart isnt made of paper, you cant tear me up.
22:52
10 January 2008
matthew 11:28 "come to me , all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"
this night, i believe this verse to be really comforting. i could even imagine the cushy white mattresses and big white puffy pillows and soft music in the background.
even though i think i've been bumming around as compared to many others who are slogging their butts out from work and stuff like that, mentally im really tired inside. tired from all the conflicts and disagreements that seem neverending, i guess the areas of concerns just change from one to another. in my room with You, my temporary escapade.
the rest i need to refresh myself for another day.
anyway, cg today was not bad (: venue was interesting at someone's place. i miss such a cg setting i realised, the last similar one i had was probably before a levels if you dont count camp. and company was interesting i believe.
down to dream. 21:55
new template new start!
keep on writing those chapters, new chapters yet to be penned, old chapters kept close within us.
i loved and still love whatever that i have been missing. but wells, theres sure more things for me to love this coming year.
we shall see.
ps. cg later (: exciting start... 11:24
08 January 2008
give me strength to juggle the various things i have on my plate, even when situations are tough you keep me going please!
give me wisdom to find the right words and do the right things at the right timings.
give me what i need but lack.
i think sometimes when i knock very furiously at one shut door, i always fail to see the other one creaking open. thanks for giving me that pleasant surprise amidst the disappointment.
thanks for that phonecall (: it made my day. 20:58
07 January 2008
i want to get my random designing ideas back! doodled a bit on paper and realised how much i missed it, and i kind of have rough ideas for the NB package! just that i dont have photoshop to give me a more clearer idea :o so is there anyone here who has the installation cd for adobe photoshop? pls tag okay (: thankyou very much.
and i heard today's evaxing got a super encouraging number of contacts ((: yay hopefully tmr will be a good day yupp.
anyway went back to hwachong with some sevenfivers today, kinda crashing since we sat in one entire math lecture. i really miss those days, minus the a levels stress of course. i particularly missed the crappping we used to do at 6.50am in the morning at the class bench. heh. captain's ball reminded me of the first captain's ball game we actually had outside the audi which started off everything. i wonder when we'll get the chance to do it again...
and we wonder and wonder. and the time ticks past. 17:19
06 January 2008
so in your eyes, im leading life aimlessly because im nt chasing after a job for money nor the experience unlike many others. but the fact is as long as i can cover my expenses, im totally fine with it. so here comes the problem, there is a conflict between us regarding this issue, and its getting increasingly difficult for me to account my actions and expenses everyday.
when i came clean with you that day, it was the truth, but not the complete one. the condition that we agreed on was the best as it seemed on that day at that moment, but that means you will not know the rationale of what im doing right now.
argh. the pain of the phrase "a step at a time", when things dont happen like that usually.
tmr marks the start of my wondrous night job - tuition. ahhh. i hope i stop coughing at night like i always do since i got sick.
heal me please (: i promise to drink more and pee more. HAHA. 22:19
so my job ended today haha, and as siewkeng puts it, im officially unemployed once again (at least in my parents' eyes, since tuition is supposed to be considered supplementary in nature pfft) was glad that it kind of ended, not because i didnt enjoy it, but rather the physical pain is getting into me. numb soles and painful knees. heh.
and you know what, i finally found out the answer to the reason why i've been feeling rather unhappy and wrongly burdened about the whole issue. there is a conflict between what i usually believe in and what is happening around me right now.
yes, my future is decided, but pardon me i dont really like doing things for the sake of doing. there is a missing link somehow which i cannot find... such are difficult things that have to handled with much care and sensitivity.
now put on the 'caution' sign. 00:28
05 January 2008
a quick post before i hit the bed. gosh its already 1251am and i have to wake up real early because the bank works even earlier tmr ):
job has been better in terms of the degree of confusion, worse in terms of physical comfort because of the painful soles, calves and knees. but i think i got more toned calves, so thats a good trade off, i believe. my last day tmr, yeah but i guess afterall its still an interesting experience, particularly because of the people i get to meet, and the older than usual customers that walk through the door of the banks the whole day.
elderly are still cute, haha.
class reunion cum new year party at claire's house just now. sevenfive just makes awesome company! (: and claire's hse is the one of the best pigging out places haha! and yeah good luck to the soon-to-be botaks guys, and jiayou for work for the girls!
now.. i think i shld really sleep. tmr is gonna be a long day for me. 00:51
02 January 2008
had my first day as an employed individual at UOB bank as a crowd controller for the WIS scheme.
quite an interesting job i would say, though most of the time, whats within my job scope isnt that demanding afterall. but what isnt in my job scope is tough, like entertaining the hordes of people who entered the bank and bombarded me with all kinds of questions because i wore the staff tag. so actually i learnt a lot more about the bank, things like account opening, fixed deposit, quick deposit procedures and blahblah. well, gotta thank the 2 personal bankers who assisted me a LOT with all my questions because i couldnt handle all the enquiries out of the WIS scheme, esp gerald. (: and i became friends with the cisco security guard who was funny i thought.
work at my branch means mingling a lot with people my parents' age and even older, more so for my job scope. as expected, some are nasty and grumpy, but some are pleasantly friendly and cheery. but i would say the friendliness seems to be proportionate to age heh.
but my feet ached. my only sitting-down time was the 45 min lunch break. well.
tmr will be better, because at least i dont feel as noob as today.
(: 20:04
01 January 2008
im sick on the first day of the year.
bless my voice. i want it back so terribly. im starting a service-oriented job tmr.
it made my day when i found this picture (: double smiles. ((: one of my favourite tv drama/ manga characters! HAHA.
the class gathering that really reminded me how im blessed to have known these people in my two years in JC!
and we crashed school on a fateful friday, nothing has seemed to change, other than the fact that we have become history in school. but everything else, still so familiar. it's really a feeling of 'so near yet so far'. 
and presenting the full JCCA3! (: more lives to be saved! ahh too bad there wasnt any pictures taken during cg, wells. but the coming journey will not be easy but exciting at least. bit by bit im finally feeling it yay.