i have no work today, and my job status is back to pending. (as uneasy as i may feel about this whole thing)
from this week onwards, no more yhope. no more ce2, jcca3'07, jcca3'08, jcca4.
this 1 year 3 months - life changing. yes, i will expect more life-changing moments in the future, but well the firsts will always have a special place in me. if i have no more space in my heart, i'll make sure i expand it.
i'll take good care of myself because i want to see you guys at the end of the race. i hope you do too.
08:23
29 March 2008
on certain days, you just wish you have a clone, because choices are hard to make. but reality is we can never enjoy the best of both worlds, it's either this or that, no option called 'all' is given. how to decide? if something needs to be measured, what kind of ruler ought to be used? and after coping with ourselves, how to cope with others?
change is the only constant. physically, emotionally, spiritually. things around us change. people around us either stay or leave, and those who stay may not be the same individuals as we knew them some time ago. both pastor shirley and raphael made a lot of sense today. im someone who clings onto the past, and im someone who fears the uneasiness of change. but here, i promise myself i'll try my best. afterall, i dont really want to screw up my life again, im definitely not capable enough to steer myself into a path towards a great future with my own strength.
and a side note, i think i'll miss kityeng. ):
ps. i dont like what i felt when i reached home today. i think someone should invent an emotional heater. 23:52
27 March 2008
so i had my first real cg, if you get what i mean (: too bad i was really tired, blame that on staying up late last night to read that extra chapter of detective conan. my bad.
but it turned out to be my last cg with the grads group, and i would really say though my time spent with this group is extremely short, my two weeks were enjoyable thanks to you guys. last service at youth on saturday, and then it's a brand new start all over again. silly but fun photos taken today, soon to be koped.
and today on my way home, i suddenly thought i need more time with family. it's very weird to have such thoughts, if you actually know me. i remember the days when i dont like going home, i procrastinate when i need to, going home seemed like an obligation to me. but well, it just feels different nowadays. i cant pinpoint why, but it just appears that there's a need for me to be at home, to help around and stuff.
art of time management, where are you?
and now the bolster has caught my eye, sleep takes priority! before i become a walking zombie tmr in the office, doing zombifying work. 23:36
26 March 2008
so the great mission was somewhat accomplished. at least i did what i could and it didnt turn out too bad. no screaming, no throwing of stuff around, and there's calm discussion. (:
and it's really the year of change, i was told that im changing my future caregroup just now. all the changes since the start of the year, probably to mould my stubborn self of being resistant to change. it's getting better, but i would say im not liquid. i dont take the shape of the container immediately.
definitely thicker than malt candy, i feel.
but in the end, things will just fall into place, no matter how much we think about it.
experience said so. 23:29
25 March 2008
so it was not today. the great mission is not to be accomplished today. ):
and come to think of it, i've been bracing myself up for it, and i actually lost to someone's lethargy. rawr.
let it be tomorrow please.
(ps. work was hell today. i actually had to work compulsory OT.)
but..
4 smses from 4 different people made my day. yay. (: 22:29
22 March 2008
updating my music media player cheers me up, especially when i find the right songs (: and listening to those songs that are collecting dust becomes a refreshing experience.
i think it's interesting to see how the kind of music we like changes.
songs that i used to clock a playcount of 100 plus, i cant even bear to listen to a repeat of it.
nothing is ever constant, eh?
anyway here's a cute convo i heard today over dinner, roughly as follow:
zelanie: you have a pair of eyes, why do you need three pairs of shade? ben: you have only one body, why do you need so many clothes? zelanie: that's because the body sweats, and your eyes dont.
haha. =p 21:35
21 March 2008
the one word that pushed us high up and bled us dry. love.
the one word that can lift us up and keep us praising. Love.
one same word, but yet such stark contrast.
][
eunice needs a lot of courage for an important mission next week. 21:10
19 March 2008
when i was on my way home from work, i took a quick glance around me. almost every work attire-clad adult were sleeping. work is tiring, yes i agree, you gotta be focused all day long, the environment doesnt really allow you to drift off unlike school, and you worry about making mistakes and being judged. but could it be that human interactions were the exact culprits?
relationships in the workplace are weird i would say. so many people around, maybe a few are friends, but you just have to maintain the friendliness with everyone to avoid being labelled as the anti-sociable. that 9-5 acting, who wont be tired out by it? happy plastic people, we are trained to be.
we have our own stages. and we put up our own performances every day, we know our lines by heart, we even know which mask or makeup to wear in every event. but guess what, when i get sick of it, im glad i have an audience who always buy tickets to watch the bare stage.
thank You for being so willing to. (:
but why is your box office closed? 20:51
18 March 2008
She told him she’d rather fix her makeup Than try to fix what’s going on But the problem keeps on calling Even with the cellphone gone She told him that she believes in living Bigger than she’s living now But her world keeps spinning backwards And upsidedown Don’t say so long in the cellphone Don’t spend today away Cuz today will soon be
Gone, like yesterday is gone, Like history is Gone, just trying to prove me wrong And pretend like your immortal
She said he said live like no tomorrow Every day we borrow Brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity) Where your treasure, where’s your hope Forget the world and lose your soul She pretends like she pretends like she’s immortal Don’t say so long Your not that far gone This could be your big chance to makeup Today till soon be
Gone, like yeterday is gone, Like history is gone, The world keeps spinning on, Your going going gone, Like summer break is gone, Like saturday is gone Just trying to prove me wrong You pretend like your immortal your immortal
We are not infinite We are not permanate Nothing is immediate We’re so confident In our accomplishments Look at how dark it is
Gone, like frank sinatra Like elvis and his mom Like al pichino’s cash nothing lasts in this life My highschool dreams are gone My childhood sweets are gone Life is a day that doesn’t last for long
Life is more than money Time was never money Time was never cash, Life is still more than girls Life is more than hundred dollar bills And oh the town fills Life more than fame and rock and roll and thrills All the riches of the kings And up in wills we got information in the information age But do we know what life is Outside of our conveinent lexus cages
She said he said live like no tomorrow Every moment that we borrow Brings us closer to the God who’s not short of cash Hey bono I’m glad you asked Life is still worth living, life is still worth living
-gone; switchfoot
(:
it put a smile on my face when i listened this on my way home from work today. work was tough today, but let's keep going strong.
a very blur pic, but i kinda miss them ah. 19:32
16 March 2008
i'm going to do my part in saving the earth.
but i shall be realistic, because it isnt that easy when i use the pc everyday. so i shall embark of the project of recycling (:
yay. 21:25
15 March 2008
today, the murky road cleared up a bit. (: and so did the weather, until it rained again at night. sometimes i think the rain is making people feel depressed, especially when you are caught in it, away from home, away from the nice comfy bed to snuggle in.
went for nus open house today and i think the route i should take is clearer now. perhaps i will not care what the rest say, because afterall it's my own education, and i want to choose something that i can be comfortable in. and maybe the answer you gave me in my head was right afterall. give me wisdom please, lots of it.
and service today at nexus was great for me. and thats enough said. (:
oh ya guess i didnt get through the interview for performance motors, so i suppose i have to be more active in searching for another job assignment then. im spending way faster than i thought i would be. ): blame the ill discipline creeping in once in a while. rawr.
sneeze. 22:42
14 March 2008
unless a fullstop comes, the sentence will never end. commas are not counted. unless there's a convincing solution to a problem that bugs me, my heart cant be at total rest. sometimes i really dont understand why i get so uptight about university applications, maybe because the future looks daunting.
maybe my level of trust is not quite there yet. which are the doors open, which are the ones shut? i need an indication, and a heart to follow.
and im a little disturbed to know that after so long, im still affected by what she said. when can you stop affecting me so much till it hurts sometimes. rawr.
i need a refuge behind the doors.
Few people can afford a mansion, but everyone who knows the Lord can find refuge and peace in His abiding presence. — David C. McCasland 21:48
13 March 2008
im troubled by university applications.
never would i have thought that i have to consider so many factors when i choose a course in a university.
school programmes vs course programmes vs prestige vs many other factors.
would it be weird if i were to choose nus biz over ntu and smu. and to top it all, im not that keen to do finance actually.
shouldnt one do well in any school as long as he or she works hard in what she've learnt? and what about workforce employment?
urgh. i hate this totally. 21:12
12 March 2008
it's been a mad rush even though it's been less than twenty-four hours. and now the brain is screaming to be given a rest.
cg sleepover was enjoyable (: this group of people, both familiar and the not-so familiar ones are all so welcoming and fun. thanks to tracee's wonderful hospitality, for letting us create havoc in her place plus all those provisions of super comfy cushions big and small. (: the attempt at playing guitar heroes, getting awed by acb's and zelanie's pro-ness, the lame comments flying around, the movie marathon plus losing in the fight with mr sleep, and the interesting game of taboo in chinese!
after sleepover, was another crazy journey to alexandra for a job interview. getting yourself stuck in the huge rain in office attire, armed with a windbreaker plus a fragile umbrella, with a flooded pathway over your footwear, and flagging a freaky taxi to no avail. no joke, seriously. thank goodness it didnt go badly, and i wont mind having that job.
ps. anchorpoint's g2000 sells old-season stocks at cheap prices, $10+ to $20. super worth it, since working attire cant vary too much between seasons.
(: 20:20
10 March 2008
went for the job of being a temp payroll officer today, and guess what they told me i dont have to come back for the rest of the week because they had nothing for me to do. and i was told to come only next week. wow. so that kind of leaves some space for the activity-packed week.
but i guess working keeps me occupied, and really my freedom feels less restricted. at least its not confined within the four (or many) walls of the flat unit. (: and it makes me less guilty when i spend, you dont literally have to count every cent to make sure you actually save. because i would really like to save for a rainy day, you never know how things will turn out next time.
and argh, i STILL have the okonomiyaki craving, if anyone actually remembers, i just cant seem to see it anywhere convenient. pfft. and i will be the big idiot to squander my money away on food.
rawr.
i see the same side of the moon that we'll be looking on when the world turns blue and know that time and space can't come between me and you 23:41
it was a starry night when i walked home from the bus stop just now. nowadays its rather seldom you'll see at least 6 or 7 stars when you look up, so i guess i got lucky.
i did mention before, i love night walks (when they are safe). and some things came into my mind, as usual.
i know i've said this before, that at the end of noise and fun, i believe is silence. the time when the heart has quietened down as though it needed a rest or a nap. i dont know about others but for me, sometimes this silence brings emptiness.
no with this, im not talking about having that God-shaped hole in my heart or whatsoever, because i understand that we are imperfect people who cant be there for another person 24/7. but sometimes i just question the kind of company we enjoyed before the craze faded off.
to me, there are two kinds of silence. one, the type that overwhelmes when the noise is absent. we accompanny each other for the noise for the fun, and when all these die doown, the awkward silence sets in because we no longer know what to do with each other. every sound we try to squeak out seems wrong, the harder we try, the worse it seems. so tough to break this silence. two, the kind of silence that actually feels comfortable, we can be just next to each other, stoning or whatever, but we know deep down that nothing beats this silence. there's absolutely no need to break this silence, because it's no barrier. the understanding does not end together with the noise, or what we call fun.
but well, for everything i just have to remind mmyself the kind of world i still live in. a cow still cannot sing even if i want it to. there's still work tomorrow morning, and sleep is indeed more important than these random talks now.
good morning world. 00:12
08 March 2008
eunice is indeed blessed for her A levels grades. (: 4As and B for general paper, all for God really. i dont know how i can give thanks enough for this seriously, but yeah. from shitty grades for prelims, with all science subjects getting E and below, i think i've received God's grace and helped me pull through.
now that im done with A levels, i would say the whole process wasnt easy. i dont have an O level to compare with, but heard it's kind of incomparable as well. i remembered the times i was secretly discouraged because it just didnt feel comfortable when im attending remedials for everything except econs. and those times when i wanted to throw in the towel. thankfully i didnt.
and i give thanks for the people God has placed around me during that crucial period. (:
the class for being so comforting and encouraging, studying for the exams together was not painfully stressful, in fact enjoyable. cant imagine myself in another class, really. i wouldnt trade you guys for another class.
the hc caregroup for being the reliant support throughout this crazy period, for keeping God close, keeping fellowship strong, and keeping the mugging constantly going. like anywhere anytime. and i love you guys loads from the bottom of my heart.
and of course prawn and xiaohong, for those endless encouragements as well.
im just.. blessed. (: 00:03
05 March 2008
fungmin's belated birthday surprise went well today (: we are sheep with sheepish grins haha. and if you are reading this, hope you liked it, because as for me, i've enjoyed the company totally! the super mario mushroom with polka dots, the messed-up art session at taka macs, the coffee club conspiracy plus a good mudpie. yay.
ah. i wished i have photos now heh.
but never mind, its alright, because something else just made my day. it's the feeling of seeing something finally happening after when you've tried so hard and failed so many times till you thought that was going to be the end.
so that's gonna be double smiles ((:
but the thought getting back results two days later sure isnt inviting at all. maybe life two days later will be a little different, i think.
till then. here's a song by ken hirai! kimi no suki na toko =p not as energetic as the studio version but interesting nonetheless.
22:54
04 March 2008
ken hirai's voice can really melt my heart. (: though he does sound like the japanese version of james blunt.
i bet i was pleasantly surprised at 1am two nights ago when i heard the live version of 'canvas' on youtube.
sometimes i really think God is cool to create people who can sing well. those priceless expressions via voices and music. 23:40
01 March 2008
some people, i heart. (:
and i continue to believe that for everything that happened, there's a reason for it.
(even though my random thought gave me a hard question, what about child patients? would appreciate if there's any taker for this one.)
rawr. my thoughts have become pretty much randomised and nothing seems to flow. and the thought of teaching my toughest student tomorrow early in the morning just put me in the auto sian mode.
